Citation: Fuschia. "Oops Missed It, Or Did I?: An Experience with Alprazolam (Xanax) (exp93113)". Erowid.org. Apr 11, 2012. erowid.org/exp/93113
I started having panic attacks when I was 21 and in college. For 8 years I self-medicated with alcohol and didn't tell anyone but my then boyfriend, who made a pathetic attempt to help me until it got annoying and interfered with his life.
After 8 years of being bombarded with terror from nowhere, I mentioned to my OB/GYN that I had a real problem with travel and anxiety. We were getting ready to move from DC to St. Louis with 2 young kids. He wrote me a script and the trip was a piece of cake, except that I was breastfeeding my infant daughter. She slept a lot. I still feel bad about that.I was taking 1 or 2mg tops then. 3 years later I got a doctor to give me Prozac which changed everything! I had been severely depressed for some time.
In 2002 I became ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and could no longer work to support myself. Had divorced in 1990. I got a disability check but it wasn't enough, so I lived in my car for about 6 months. I met a guy with a van and a dog and we hooked up. I felt much safer and sleeping was better because I could stretch out.
He dumped me and I became depressed.
One afternoon I was at a park relaxing, journaling, smoking cigarettes and taking Xanax. I just wanted to sleep and escape the misery I was in. I must have taken too many. I was in a haze. All of a sudden something told me that I was not safe, that I should get up and go. If I had passed-out there, God only knows what would have happened!! I stumbled towards my car and dropped some stuff about 15ft away from it. A woman, probably walking or jogging on the trail of this very popular park, asked me if I was okay. I said 'I'm fine' and then it was as though something pushed me hard and I fell and couldn't get up. I was planning on DRIVING in this condition. I heard the woman say 'You are NOT fine!' and before I knew it I was going to the ER.
Now, I was there for 4 hours, but I only remember 2 things. I talked them into letting me go, but they also called arranged for a police car to follow me. I told them I was just going to sleep in my car, which happened to be about 100yds from the ER. I got in and drove about 4 blocks to my usual parking/sleeping spot. I was almost there when I looked down for something and my car lurched to the right and scraped down the side or a car parked on the right side of this one-way street. I was upset but just pulled into my spot, knowing that the cops would probably show up, so I just waited. Next thing I know:'BAM BAM BAM!!!' at my window. There were at least two cop cars and about 8 people total there. They asked me if I had been drinking but I hadn't. But they arrested me for 'leaving the scene of an accident' (charges dropped later). I only have tiny tidbits of memories during the time they put me in the car, took me to the station and booked me and then let me go. I looked at some of the other women mostly sleeping and I laid down also. Next thing I knew they called my name. I was puzzled when they said that someone bailed me out. I have absolutely no recollection of having called a friend who came down and paid the bail. I have no memory of going to the bondsman's office and telling him I didn't want to do whatever it was that I was supposed to do. I walked away from my friend barefoot. I don't know what happened to my shoes. I walked about 20 blocks in a blistering hot August day. I don't remember calling another friend, or her allowing me to stop at the store and get some candy on the way to her house. I wasn't right for a few days. When the angry bondsman called me, I couldn't figure out why. I took care of that obligation.
Here's the really scarey part. I went back to the hospital and got copies of the ER visit report - about 10 pages!! I looked them over and saw that I had been asked a whole bunch of questions, talked to about 5 people, and gave them all the right information. I saw where I said 'He's not worth it.' So I guess we decided that it was an accidental overdose caused by my hurt feelings and severe stress. Pages and pages of info. Questions answered correctly. And I have no recollection except the inserting of a catheter (to get my urine for a drug screen) and a nurse drawing some blood. That's a total of about 30 seconds out of 4 hrs.
It was a really fucked-up few days, thanks to too much Xanax. But honestly? I'm glad I don't remember much!!
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.