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Far More Beautiful Than I Imagined
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by The Lonely Stoner
Citation:   The Lonely Stoner. "Far More Beautiful Than I Imagined: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp93163)". Erowid.org. Sep 26, 2017. erowid.org/exp/93163

 
DOSE:
  oral MDMA

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


As an experimenting teen, I was always searching for different ways to alter my consciousness. A couple of close friends kept telling me about how fun ecstasy was, and how good it made them felt. That year, I got into smoking marijuana heavily. But I had never imagined trying anything else. Until, I began to researching MDMA, I became very intrigued by the effects. So I decided to roll for the first time. I was at my boyfriend's house along with my close female friend (who would be rolling too), my boyfriend, and my other close male friend.

Prior to dosing I had already attempted to roll a week prior but was disappointed when I didn't feel anything. Come to find out, it was a piperazine. But anyways, me and my close friend, named K, popped the pills right after school. We walked to my boyfriend's house which was about 10 minutes away. We sat on the bed watching TV while my boyfriend and my other friend, T, played video games in another room. I was very nervous since I didn't know what to expect. I had read up on the effects but I had no clue what was in store for me.

About 30 minutes went past, and I began to worry if we'd gotten bad pills again. My friend reassured me that it would hit, but to just be patient. 10 minutes passed, and I felt something hit me... but it was almost like an alarming type of thing. I told my friend I think it's coming now. She agreed and we walked to my boyfriend's room, and I had a casual conversation before K and I walked back to the other bed. About a minute or two later, it hit me full force! I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness engulf me! It was too much to bear. I ran back to my boyfriend's room along with K and yelled out, 'I'm so happy!' My boyfriend and T looked at me in confusion.

I jumped on the bed, rolling around as I felt on the sheets. Everything felt so nice against my skin. I felt the need to tell everyone how much I loved them and wanted them in my life.
I felt the need to tell everyone how much I loved them and wanted them in my life.
I even told the dog and gave him a hug! I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life and I kept saying it. All my emotions were spilling out, and I couldn't control it. I said whatever came to mind, whatever I felt, without any sort of fear and anxiety for the consequence. Every emotion was amplified x10! I had nothing but good feelings of happiness, love, unity, and peace. I wanted all my friends to know how special they were to me, and how much I enjoyed having them in the my life. Eventually, my friend K had to leave. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug and told her I loved her about 5 times before she left.

So it was only my boyfriend and T left in the house. I'm not sure if T left the room but all I remember is hugging my boyfriend and telling him how much I loved him. I just kept saying, 'I love you!' And he would say it back, and I'd say 'YAY!' over and over for what seemed like hours. But it was probably for a good 20 minutes. It was almost as if I blacked out because I don't remember it fully. Me and my boyfriend walked to the other bed and began to make out. One touch led to another and eventually we had sex (for the first time, ever). We had been dating for a good six months but never had sex. And man, was it was the most mind-blowing experience of my life! Every touch was amplified! I had so much love emitting from my body and I felt so at peace and close to my boyfriend. I never realized how much I truly loved him until the day I rolled. This was very important for me to realize because I had never felt that way about a guy before. I realized he was my first love, and I cared about him deeply.

...And the music was another story. Songs took on such a beautiful tone! Every song I listened to became my favorite song. I couldn't help but sway my body to the incredible music. It felt like I was perfectly in tune with each beat. I truly loved to dance on E! For awhile I just laid on the bed with my boyfriend, listening to music. I could feel myself coming down gradually. I was saddened, but after wards I had an imense afterglow! I was still so very happy about my experience even after I was sober. It changed my whole perspective on life. I realized I shouldn't be afraid to try new things, or meet new people, or say how I felt! It was an important revelation for me.

As I am writing this experience over a year later, I am happy to say that as much as MDMA is a beautiful thing, it can also be quite addictive since it is such an amazing substance. I began to abuse it for a few months until I realized it was losing it's magic.
I began to abuse it for a few months until I realized it was losing it's magic.
Since then, I haven't rolled in a very long time, and it is something I can move on from. I've enjoyed the times I shared with friends, and my boyfriend, but I feel that ecstasy is something I can look back on and smile about.. I want to move on to bigger things in my life. For me, it is now something I do in extreme moderation.

I can honestly say that the first time I rolled, was one of the most profound days of my life and I wouldn't trade that day for anything! To this day I am still with my boyfriend, and we even rolled together once. It was a far more beautiful experience than I imagined it to be!

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 93163
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Sep 26, 2017Views: 2,114
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MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Retrospective / Summary (11), Loss of Magic (34), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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