I No Longer Fear Death
Salvia Alcohol
by Fat Tony
Citation:   Fat Tony. "I No Longer Fear Death: An Experience with Salvia Alcohol (exp93317)". Erowid.org. Nov 24, 2012. erowid.org/exp/93317

2 bowls smoked Salvia divinorum (dried)


This report is a summation of my salvia experiences over the past 4 years. Let me start out by saying it has been an unexpected journey of consciousness changing. At times my experiences have been familiar and seem to echo the reports of many others, while at other times there is no reference to describe the experience, or for some reason no such experience even manifested, despite a high dose.

When I first heard of salvia I was intrigued by stories of how it 'knocked cocky/hardcore drug users on their asses and made them piss their pants.' I also became aware of a certain respect that was needed to help guide one through this experience. I was quite nervous on my first attempt, seeing a friend go first and completely freak out (luckily while on the couch with 5 others to look after him). My hit actually got sucked through the bubbler prematurely and I wasn't able to obtain a good hit. There were too many people waiting to go so I opted out after my failed attempt.

My next attempts were with chewing leaves bought online and smoking these leaves through a corncob pipe. I also smoked an extract bought online through a bong. Nothing extreme happened. I was quite disappointed. There were nuances of my perspective changing. I would hear music coming from the room above me and the drums/beat would seem to take me off into a trance, almost like falling into a dream. I would 'almost' see a campfire with a drum circle around it but as soon as I became aware of the visuals I would snap back into reality. My next try I smoked 4 hits of 5x in 1 minute, in front of my buddy, convinced that this would be my breakthrough. This resulted in some uncontrolled laughter and for some reason I felt like an 'orc' or 'Shrek'. Really hard to explain and I have never experienced this after that one time.

I wasn't ready to give up though. The same thing happened to me when I first got into weed as a sophomore in high school. It took like 5 different times before I really got high. But when I did, oh boy, I was fucking gone! I took around 8 rips off a bong and got up to start walking. I remember feeling a wave of energy run through my body and it really affected my ability to walk, like as if I was in a riptide. The next thing I remember I was waking up on the ground and people were running up to me to see if I was okay. I was on no other drugs! Just weed! I felt really high, and actually blacked out twice after that within the next 30 mins. So to sum this point up, once I actually could get high on weed it was like I broke some barrier in my brain and that shit could really fuck me up! Like once I hallucinated bubbles running through my skin, in my veins, up my arms and around my face from the back of my head. It wasn't painful, just extremely bizarre and awkward. So with salvia it was kind of the same thing, it took a lot of tries, but once I broke that barrier, it was like unlocking that part of my brain.

Alright so back to the interesting stuff. At first salvia was like getting into a trance for me. I had to sit down because after I smoked it I could not move for the life of me! My body was like a block of cement and I would get crazy pixelated visuals. Nothing of significance though. To be honest I wasn't really getting anything out of the experience and I enjoyed pot 100 times more. Sometimes I tried smoking salvia on top of a bowl of ganja but this just seemed to make the weed high unpleasant. It wasn't until a couple more tries that I really broke through.

After experimenting with salvia over the last couple of years I have come to realize many interesting 'facts' that most of my peers or those 'youtube kids' never bring to light. I know that different people have different experiences, its just the way things are, our biological make up and such, but I often wonder if there is more at play here. These 'facts' I am talking about have to do with guiding the experience, almost like preparation in meditating. I find it most important for inexperienced users to realize that you have to let go, give in, say goodbye to your ego. I've seen too many ppl say 'it did nothing', 'this stuff doesn't work', and 'its a waste of time'. That's exactly how I first experienced it, and now I know why I didn't break through those first times.

So upon smoking I like to take some time to get a bowl prepared. Meditate for like 10 minutes. Focus on a goal, or just nothing at all, clearing my mind. No music, most of the time in the dark. I don't usually have a sitter, honestly I don't need one because I get the most out of it when I'm lying down in silence, I mean I can't even move unless I really try anyways haha. So I smoke and hold it in and I know its coming right away. I start to become more aware of myself, my body, its limits and borders, my mind and its current thought patterns. But something else usually happens.

Honestly I can't really explain in words because I can't exactly remember how it happens but I know when I'm there its a familiar feeling. I am going somewhere else or trying at least. I have to let go, let my body go numb, let my awareness transform. It feels good to let go anyway. Sometimes there's a pixelated wave of energy coming in from the left. Usually I start to sweat in really bizarre places, like certain parallel lines throughout my body or even from inside my ears or the spot in-between my eyes, and this sweating is extreme! It usually starts out hot and becomes cold. I believe that this is part of the process of my 'conscious energy' spirit, soul, whatever you want to call it, leaving my body. But its so weird because I never experience these 'specialized' points of sweat any other time.

This is when I usually become aware of 'them'. Haha, yeah I know it sounds crazy, but they are inhabitants of another realm, I can't even really see them in familiar terms, I 'see' them as energy beings but its more like 'feeling' them there and definitely hearing them. Usually they're saying 'quick, come' 'what are you waiting for' 'come with us.' There's a sense of urgency but not out of fear, yet excitement like they want to take me somewhere fun. Very rarely have I actually 'gone' though, if it happens its right away and I am transformed into their world almost instantly. This is where I agree with tpeople that say it feels like 'zippers'. The best way to describe it is it feels like the boundaries of my body, the skin on my arms, the side of face, and just everywhere feels like its merging through a barrier and 'becoming' the landscape of the other realm. Like my arm becomes a river, and I forget that it used to be my arm. A world emerges from inside me and flips inside/out and somehow my 'awareness' crosses over. 'They' are always there too. Its usually a different setting. A mountain resort, a carnival, a marketplace, it seems like a totally normal world when I'm there. Everything seems so happy too, so alive and energetic, but as soon as I'm there it is fleeting. I'm slowly coming back.

A lot of times I'm actually aware of this other realm and the current reality at the same time. That 'place' is overlaid on this physical reality in my vision, I can perceive both and if I really focus I can bring myself back to reality instantly while the salvia realm disappears. But that is not the point for me, I want to stay there as long as possible. I try to relax and let go as much as possible because I think its my body that brings me back. I actually think this could be a part of the 'dying' experience. This actually is referenced in James Aurther's book, 'Peopled Darkness.' I know I wasn't influenced by this book because I read it 2 years after having these experiences. But it makes sense to me, consciousness exists in our 'energy' our spirit and when our physical vessels die we exist somewhere else. It feels very welcoming too. Kind of like the movie 'What Dreams My Come' with Robin Williams. I also did not realize this movie connection until I saw this it after many trips to the salvia world. But the whole part where he's moving around in a 'painting' is pretty close to the actually experience.

I always feel like my 'true self' too. Like various parts of my mind shut down and I am existing as 'me', the same me that I was as a child, and the materialistic world just does not seem very important. These personas, these egos really mean nothing. Some revelations I had from salvia is that our purpose for existing is to 'feel good.' When we feel this uplifting/loving energy in life, on a soul level we are moving in the right direction in the physical. Its like a way to measure our spiritual progress. Words cannot really explain these revelations though, as many know.

Also I have experienced the sensation that my 'perception' of reality as a human is akin to looking out of two eye holes and using my head and body to move around and bring into view my reality. At the same time, I've been aware of another reality existing behind me, I was actually attached to it and poking out of that reality through my face to view this one. It sounds so weird, but its like in 'that' world everything is connected, landscape and inhabitants. The physical body allows us to 'separate' and 'poke out' into 3-D physicality. There is no separation in the spiritual realm like we perceive it here in this physical existence. I actually believe that there isn't separation here like we think there is but our minds do a very good job of shaping and creating this 3-D lucid dream we call 'life.'

So one last interesting fact I would like to use to bring my story to a close. I have discovered that being under the influence of alcohol actually enhances and prolongs the experience. I've had a genuine 'trip' for 1.5 hrs where 'beings' entered my body and existed within me, like my stomach was a realm for them. They were talking to me, I can distinctly remember three with different personalities. One was a very young girl (around 8 yrs old), another was an older, wise man. The third was an adolescent and playful boy. They were basically 'hanging out' joking around and just 'swimming' around inside me. It felt kinda good, like they were keeping me company. Other times on alcohol I've experience being out of my body and moving sideways through a wall, my overall awareness expanded outside the boundaries of the room. One time I actually blacked out instantly and I can vaguely remember seeing a tunnel of pure white light and it felt extremely blissful. I barely remember it but what I do remember was probably the best 'feeling' I have ever experienced. True bliss and love.

One of my last times experimenting with salvia I actually failed to go anywhere. The same onset sensations happened, the sweating, the awareness change, but it was weaker. Instead of being aware of 'them' it was my thoughts that were intensified, telling me to let go, but it wasn't anyone else, it was a part of me. I was back to normal after five minutes of trying to leave. I know it has nothing to do with dose either. Some of my more powerful experiences have been after some of the smallest doses.

I'm excited to continue life and visit the salvia world every now and then. It truly brings me back to my core, where I know who I am and what I am all about. And I only need to go there every once and a while to remind myself of this and how small this reality is in the bigger scheme of things. And the last point I have to make: because of salvia I do not fear death.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 93317
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21 
Published: Nov 24, 2012Views: 13,142
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Glowing Experiences (4), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)

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