DOSE:

1

smoked

Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

I was fortunate to obtain a small amount of Ketamine recently. I moved to a new town a few months ago and don't really know many people, but the Internet has proved once again to be a wonderful resource. The successful arrival of 0.5g ketamine crystal in the mail (among a few other substances) was a delightful surprise. I have only a limited experience with the substance before now, and had only tried it once before in a somewhat chaotic setting with some friends during a drug fueled weekend of rolling and manning a garage sale. I only had a few bumps on the downside of an MDMA trip, and I only remember laying on the couch in the dark feeling confused and sort of scared. That weekend is a whole other story, though, and I won't delve into it here.

Back to the present. I've been itching to dabble with K again in a more controlled setting, and finally had the chance tonight. I did all my research, and have spent hours upon hours reading on forums about people's experiences with the drug over the past few weeks. Still pretty apprehensive and anxious though. I tend to have a pretty anxious mindset in the first place, and I was scared of the unknown experience that awaited me.

Set: I've been mildly depressed for years now. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. Lately, it's been worse. I've been vigalent though, and have been working harder than ever to try to work through the dark mazes in my mind. Tonight I attempted to cultivate a serene attitude and was pretty successful at calming down and feeling positive.

Setting: My apartment. I live with my girlfriend but she is out of town visiting friends. I've explained to her the outward appearance of someone tripping on K, and she was pretty uncomfortable with the idea of me not being 'all there'. So, despite the fact that I really wanted to have someone sitting me while I tested the waters, I decided to wait until I was alone. I brought the light level down to a comfortable level. Not at all dark because my mood is particularly dependent on light levels, but definitely not glaring.

Experience: As I said, I spent some time trying to cultivate a serene mindset in order to reduce my anxiety. I cooked dinner for myself and took a shower. Got all my chores and homework out of the way so I had nothing like that to worry about. I'm not particularly 'spiritual' or into metaphysics and new agey stuff, but decided that some burned sage and a crystal would help create a positive atmosphere. I placed a blanket in the middle of the room, filled my water bottle, and divided roughly 60 mg into 4 small lines on a plate. Finally, I loaded my playlist with Bach's Cello Suites....a piece of music that I've always enjoyed greatly.

With everything prepared, I sat down and snorted one of the lines and began meditating. About 5 minutes in I started feeling very calm. At this point I snorted another line. Sitting to meditate was proving to be pretty uncomfortable, so I lay down and closed my eyes.

After a few minutes of concentration on my breathing I really started feeling the effects. There was a small amount of anxiety here and there, but it was largely overshadowed by a distancing from my emotions. I was feeling very floaty and the music was wavering in and out of my perception. I kept trying to concentrate on having my mind cleared with my eyes closed, but found that having my eyes open was more comfortable. I let my thoughts drift.

It is difficult to describe the experience from here. The room seemed 'different', and turning my head produced lagging dizziness so I generally kept my head still. Staring at the ceiling produced visual patterning that was not unlike those I would get on a light dose of psychedelic tryptamine. I let my thoughts drift.

I will not go into details, but I was able to perceive several key aspects of my life from different perspectives. I felt removed from my own perception of certain parts of my life and was able to see them from what I guess I could call objective viewpoints. The main theme was the relationship between me and my girlfriend. It's been a little rough between us lately, and I've been concerned about the well being of our relationship. With the aid of the ketamine, I was seeing everything very strongly from her perspective. I realized that some of the problems between us were being caused by me and my actions, and was able to see a bunch of different things I could be doing differently both in regards to her and in regards to my life. I was hit by insight after insight concerning myself and my interactions with the world.

Maybe 30 minutes into this, I quickly began coming back down. I could move my head without the strong visual lag, and tried standing up. Things were a little confusing and wobbly at this point and I had trouble figuring out what I should do with myself. I laid back down and got back up a couple times, and after a few minutes was finally was clear headed enough to go outside and have a cigarette.

I was feeling sad about the negative things I had realized about myself, but the joy of discovering ways to remedy these issues was stronger. I texted my girlfriend some very kind words (still unsure of my ability to speak at this point), and sat around for a while mulling over the experience in my head. It seems to me that my entire sense of perspective on myself and life and everything was rotated ever so slightly. Seeing everything from this new angle is very refreshing and I have renewed hope for my mental state, and the state of my relationship with my girlfriend.

I'm not sure when I'll be trying ketamine again, but I have several hundred milligrams left and would not be opposed to giving it another shot if the time was right.

Thank you for reading.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 93733
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Mar 7, 2018	Views: 1,267
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Ketamine (31) : Depression (15), Relationships (44), Personal Preparation (45), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)