Citation: Katie. "Recipe for Disaster: An Experience with Bupropion, Citalopram, Alprazolam & Alcohol (exp94204)". Erowid.org. Nov 3, 2020. erowid.org/exp/94204
My husband and I had an argument after a night of drinking. I was already depressed due to the holidays, being unemployed and bills. The alcohol simply took me to a different level of how to take care of the situation. I remember taking a handful of Welbutrin, Xanax and Celexa. My husband washed the remaining medication down the kitchen sink while I was attempting to fill a glass with vodka. The next thing I remember is standing in my bedroom leaning against the wall. I then rolled my body across the wall to find the bathroom door. I hit my head on the wall. I paced over to my side of the bed stood there then paced over to the other side of the bed. I went down the stairs and fell on my back skipping about six steps. I paced around the house for what seemed like hours with no idea what I was doing. I was on a mission to find something in the house, but would forget what it was by the time I got there. Again I went back upstairs to my bedroom. Before entering the bedroom I saw drinking glasses lining the walls of the hallway, then they disappeared. In my bedroom I fell strait on my back (I vaguely remember, my husband confirmed this the next day).
The paranoia and hallucinations were horrible. I kept looking out the bedroom window, not sure what I was looking for. Then I remember I felt like I was in another dimension. My vision was a split screen, half reality and half a wonderland where I had superpowers. In wonderland I was floating around my house on a carpet, everything was outlined in a vibrant purple. I could make objects move and disappear which at the time seemed to be fun. The other side of the 'screen' was reality where I could compare the two existences at the same time. I stayed up until about 6:00am in a paranoid stupor, keeping my husband awake who had to go to work at 7:30am. This is the point where I apparently decided to lay down in bed and the experience became terrifying.
My heart was beating so fast. I could see my husband scrambling and running around the room. He was screaming and calling 911. I remember the paramedics putting me into the ambulance and the EMT yelling 'We are losing her!'. I could feel my heartbeat slowing and hear the sounds of dispatchers and paramedics on radios. My husband was crying with his face close to mine, then everything faded to black. I opened my eyes and to my surprise I was back in my house, all was normal. Somehow even though I wasn't told this, I knew that I was in some sort of afterlife or in between worlds. I remember thinking to myself 'Oh great..when you die you get to relive your life?'. All of a sudden I saw a glowing light and was whooshed through a long tunnel. When I got to my destination, there wasn't a figure but I knew that there was a presence in front of me which I believed was Jesus. I was asked what I had done in my life, I tried to think, but no words came out. All of a sudden I was watching my husband and kids in our house dressing for a funeral. I knew it was my funeral. I was shown what my kids' and loved ones lives would be like with out me, I could see a glimpse of my son's graduation. I thought to myself 'If I go back, I will have a lot of explaining to do but I want to go back.'. I plead with the presence that if I got one more chance I promised I would quit smoking, drinking, go to church and get to know Jesus. A voice stated 'You are forgiven.'
Immediately I could feel I was in a hospital bed, but I was in a coma. Although I was fully aware of the voices of my family around me, I could not open my eyes, speak or move. I could only roll my eyes rapidly under my eyelids. Every few minutes I could see a glowing light move across my eyelids. I assumed this was the doctor checking for brain activity based on the movement of my eyes. I moved my eyes back and forth as quickly as I could to show that I was not brain dead. I am screaming inside my head 'I am alive, I just can't wake up! Don't take me off life support!'. I hear whispers around the room but could not understand the words. I am trying so hard to open my eyelids but I can't. All of a sudden I am looking at myself lying in the hospital on life support. I am terrified that the machines will be turned off.
Suddenly I am back in the ambulance with the dispatchers' voices blaring over the radios. I can feel myself tingling and coming out of a dream and I am in my bed. Then, I am back in the hospital bed trying to open my eyes. The flashlight shining through my eyelids, whispers in the room.
I wake up in my bedroom, I am at home. I am convinced I am in an afterlife and I am a ghost. Nobody can see me and I can't see them. I realize that spirits and people live in the same world but in two different dimensions. We walk among each other. I can hear my husband walking around the room and in the bathroom, but I can't see him. I then have a horrible feeling that I am not me, that I am in a coma in the hospital. I need to lay back down in bed and close my eyes. I am certain that when I open my eyes, I will be back in the hospital bed awakened from my coma. I then proceed to lay down in bed and close and open my eyes, it didn't work. I am still in bed at home. I try it again and again, it doesn't work. I hear the garage door open and think to myself 'I am somewhere in the hospital in a coma and my husband is going to work!'. I fell asleep for about 6 hours and am awakened by my stepson telling me my husband is on the phone. I put the phone up to my head which is upside down and backward. He asks me if I am OK, I say yes. I couldn't fall back asleep because I hear the humans around me going about their business but I can not see them because they are in another dimension. I still fear I am somewhere in the hospital in a coma. My thought is that if I go to the hospital and find myself in a coma, I will lay down in the bed, and awaken myself from the coma. I call my husband at work and tell him he needs to come home, I need to go to the hospital. When he arrives home I tell him 'I know this may sound crazy but I know I am in the hospital in a coma. I need to go find myself to wake myself up'. I asked him if he called 911 the night before or if we went to the hospital, he said no.
We immediately head to the ER. I walked to the front desk and tell the nurse I overdosed on Welbutrin and I feel like I am dying. I was taken back to a room where my vitals were taken. I was asked by the doctor if I knew the date, the year and where I was. It took a moment to process this, I paused and stared at the doctor before answering. I couldn't feel my feet. I was then asked to put a gown on and lay down in the hospital bed. I thought this was my chance to wake myself from the coma. I lay down, close my eyes and open them. Nothing, I am still in the same room. I am convinced that the body I am in is not my real body. My real body is in a coma somewhere. I am given fluids, monitored a couple hours and released. The effect of the overdose has worn off considerably although noises are amplified ten times their normal sound. A door shutting startles me. I am able to eat a little bit on the way home. I feel almost back to normal although I still question if I am in my real life or somewhere else. By the following morning I had no effects from the medication.
That day I quit smoking cold turkey (I smoked for 17 years) and vowed to not go out to bars or drink anymore. I didn't realize until this point that 911 was never called the night before and I wasn't taken in an ambulance. There was no coma.
911 was never called the night before and I wasn't taken in an ambulance. There was no coma.
I don't think that the visions of the afterlife experience were because I died. I believe that I experienced these in my sleep. A deep state of sleep induced by an overdose.
Although the experience terrified me, it changed my life for the better. I have a completely different outlook on life and have changed my behaviors. I am in no way condoning an overdose on any medication. It affects people in different ways. I am very lucky the consequences were not more serious.
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