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My Saving Grace and Most Stubborn Demon
Buprenorphine & Benzodiazepines
Citation:   rocknroll17. "My Saving Grace and Most Stubborn Demon: An Experience with Buprenorphine & Benzodiazepines (exp94678)". Erowid.org. May 31, 2019. erowid.org/exp/94678

    Pharms - Buprenorphine (daily)
      Benzodiazepines (daily)
Where to begin...I suppose I could open with the events leading up to my first opiate use.

I was a senior in high-school, prospective college student and a big stoner. A couple weeks before starting my senior year I became sick with a prostate infection. I was only 17 years old. It was horrible. I think this is important to note because this event is what triggered my steady downward spiral into addiction and made my life the nightmare it is today.

As a result of dealing with chronic prostatitus, I became severely depressed. I started having anxiety attacks, and my mother started giving me lorazepam when it happened. I remember my first panic attack as clear as day. I had just had a cystoscopy (a procedure in which a camera is inserted into your penis to observe the bladder) to determine why I was having these symptoms. Later that day after the procedure, I had complete inability to urinate. It was too much for me to handle. I broke down into tears and started feeling like I was going to have a heart attack. I told my parents I must have been having an anxiety attack. My mom asked my dad if she should give me a lorazepam. I had never even heard of benzos before this, but I reluctantly took it because she said it would help. Within ten minutes I felt fine...I still could hardly urinate and was in a lot of pain 'down there', but I didn't care. Shortly thereafter I was taking Ativan on a regular basis and obtained my own prescription after depleting my moms stash that she had for ten years.

Around this time I started getting into all sorts of pills because I hated my life and didn't care.
I started getting into all sorts of pills because I hated my life and didn't care.
I remember the first time I actually got HIGH off oxycodone. I took two 5mg oxycodone pills intranasally and lay down in bed. Within ten minutes I felt like my entire body was having an orgasm. I lay awake for hours just feeling at peace with myself and the world. I drifted off into a deep and blissful sleep. The next day at school I told my best friend B that 'Painkillers are where it's at.' Consequently, he became an addict too. We were partners in crime. By the time I graduated, I was hooked. Although I was not getting w/ds yet, I was severely psychologically addicted. I remember looking forward to getting my wisdom teeth out for two months before I had the procedure because I knew I would get some percocets or something. I got vicoprofen 7.5 mg pills and I remember feeling like I was 'on vacation in my head' for the next week.

Shortly after graduating I was getting physical w/ds. Throughout the entire summer I abused mainly vicoden, percocet and then oxycontin. For the next year I was addicted to oxycontin. It severely damaged my college education and eventually led to the logical next step, which was heroin. I used heroin everyday for 6 months. I never shot up. Towards the end my life was in shambles. I lost my job because I was too dope sick to work and called in sick then went to work to get my paycheck because I needed to get dope. They fired me on the spot. I didn't care, I was going to score a bag of brown. I remember clear as day how fucking good I felt after getting that bag. After six months of this B got on suboxone, and a month later I did too. I had to beg my mother to get me in to see a doctor because I could not afford the insane $400 initial visit.

I fell in love with buprenorphine. Six months later I found a new doctor who didn't seem to mind prescribing me anything I wanted. I should note that the entire time I was abusing opiates I was prescribed to benzos; first Ativan as needed, then Xanax, and finally Klonopin. When I saw my new sub doctor, I got him to double my klonopin dose from 1.5 to 3 mgs a day and switch me to subutex. My friend B was also seeing the same doctor and got subutex and klonopin as well. For two years I snorted about 12mgs of subutex a day, with no problems. I loved the drug way too much. It made me happy, enhanced my energy levels, blunted emotional pain, and made me more self confident. Of course it kept me off the opiates too. I was getting 90 of them a month and only needed about half of that, so I sold the other half and made more than enough money to live on. As a result I have not had a job since I got on subutex. Subutex is gold where I live. The value has almost doubled since B and I first started selling them.

Everything was going fine until just over a year ago when I started injecting my pills. At first I did it right. I bought micron filters, vials, sterile water, the whole 9 yards. I turned all my pills into vials of liquid buprenorphine and carried them in my pocket for a couple months. I became hooked on injecting the pills and then got into a tight financial spot and ran out of micron filtering supplies. I kept injecting using only cotton filtering and still do so to this day.

It's been about a year of injecting these pills and I have started to notice health problems, mainly poor circulation. I also always run out short and spend the last week of the month sick before I can get my refill. Also, my dosage has increased to the point where I need to inject 4mgs 4x a day! With the near double bio availability, I am on a heavy dose of buprenorphine. So this is where I am now. I should add that I had a horrible car accident 3 years ago in which I broke my right humerus, seven vertebrae, three ribs, and punctured my left lung. It took my about a year to recover. Since then I have mainly taken the Subutex for chronic back pain, and it really works.

If I had never started injecting these things, I would be in a much better place today. I have terrible anxieties over the damage that I am doing to my body but I cannot stop.
I have terrible anxieties over the damage that I am doing to my body but I cannot stop.
Also, my doctor has cut me down to 2 pills a day from 3 over the last few months and I have been forced to deal with that. I no longer have tons of free money since I need every pill I get. I am really scared. I pray to God all the time that he will help me end my needle addiction. Buprenorphine is a miracle drug and was my saving grace until I started injecting them. It really changes everything. Please take this as a warning--if you are a happy buprenorphine user, please, for the love of God, do not start shooting your pills.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 94678
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: May 31, 2019Views: 1,629
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Pharms - Buprenorphine (265) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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