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Iffy First Time
Citation:   Monica. "Iffy First Time: An Experience with MDMA (exp94822)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2019. erowid.org/exp/94822

150 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
It was my first time using any sort of drug besides cannabis. I wanted to try ecstasy but didnít want to have to worry about what else I might get in it, so my boyfriend (who had taken it before) bought a gram of pure MDMA from his friend.

At around 7 pm we decided to take it, but since it was my first time my boyfriend only wanted to give me a little dose. It was approximately .15 grams. Very small. At first I didnít feel anything, At least not for an hour. We were just sitting around on the couch listening to music. By 8 pm I started to feel it a little bit, I could tell I was rolling, but I didnít feel happy or anything like I expected.
I could tell I was rolling, but I didnít feel happy or anything like I expected.
I was just laying on the couch staring at nothing, like how I get when I am completely stoned out of my mind. My boyfriend was rubbing my feet, which felt good, and the music was ok.

I started to lose track of time after this, but it was as if it just flew by. I was getting annoyed by the music, so I turned it off. I couldn't stand the sound of anything anymore; not dubstep, not downtempo, nothing. I didn't feel good, and just wanted to lay down in bed. I got in, and my boyfriend went to turn on a movie like he usually does before bed, but the noise was distracting and annoying again. He turned it off and gave me a back massage instead, and it felt really good besides the annoying discomfort and annoyance with all the noise around me. I was much more aware than usual at this point. The feeling of the little grains on the sheets and the sounds all around me. I had a little headache too.

I don't think I slept very much that night. I was stuck in that limbo that you get when you cant sleep but you aren't fully awake, so you think you are awake all night, but then out of nowhere it is time to wake up. I had the next few days off of work, so I didn't really feel any come down effects.

I took the rest of my half of the MDMA (.35 grams) the next week. I had work at 7 am the next morning but didnít really mind. My boyfriend and I took it earlier so it would wear off before work. We took it around 5 pm this time, and put in The Art of Flight (the snowboarding movie with T. Rice) on our big screen TV. This time I could definitely tell that I started rolling. The movie become so amazing I couldn't believe myself. I was almost in tears watching T. Rice and his friend drop into the powder. The videography was stunning, with the contrast of Riceís colorful jacket to the grey ash covered land of Argentina. The music was beautiful. I kept thinking to myself, ďThis is the most amazing thing I have ever seenĒ. When the movie ended, my boyfriend and I just looked at each other speechlessly.

I then realized how dilated his pupils were and started laughing at how cool I thought it was. After that we put some music on again. I just turned Pandora on to downtempo, and plugged it to our big system. We turned the music up and lay there on the couch just relaxing. My boyfriend started rubbing my feet and my legs, giving me a massage. I felt so relaxed and at peace, like nothing could bother me. The sun was going down behind the pine trees out our window, and it was gorgeous. The song Hayling came on at one point, and I loved it so much I started dancing around the room to it.

Time flew by very fast, yet seemingly very slow, Its hard to explain how it felt. Sometime before I went to bed I looked at my dog, and couldn't get over how much I loved him and how amazing he was, but in the back of my head I almost felt like he was judging me for doing drugs. Dogs are weird.

The next thing I knew I was laying down in bed with my boyfriend. I needed to try to go to sleep since I had to be up at 6 to get ready for work. I was awake all night. For a while my boyfriend and I were up talking; just about random things-Stuff we wanted to do, what our marriage would be like, etc. After he fell asleep I was just laying there thinking of how great everything was, how comforting the blankets around me felt, and how wonderful my boyfriend was. I saw the sun come up. Not directly, but I watched as my room changed from black to the crisp morning blue, and then the brighter yellow of daylight.

Getting up and moving around to get ready for work helped the MDMA to wear off, I think. By the time I got to work I didn't feel good anymore. Then within a few hours I started feeling crappy.
I didn't feel good anymore. Then within a few hours I started feeling crappy.
I was tired yet somehow still incapable of sleeping. My coworker could tell I wasn't doing well, luckily she was a good friend and I was able to tell her of my adventure. I wrote in my notebook at one point ďNote to self: never take half a gam of molly to the dome the night before having to be at work at 7 am.Ē As if I wouldn't remember that on my own. The day was kind of depressing, but bearable.

The next day though, I felt like killing myself. I was full on depressed. I even noticed that my work was depressed. I worked at Starbucks and all the drinks I made looked like they were sad and exhausted. I felt like my friends hated me, and was arguing with my boyfriend. I was crying that night for reasons I don't even know.

I started to feel better in the days after that. My boyfriend said that I got depressed because I had low seratonin levels after taking the MDMA, since all it does is release the seratonin in your system.

I want to take MDMA again soon, but this time I want to be sure I don't have any stressful situations to deal with in the days after taking it. It was an amazing experience apart from the down times.

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 94822
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Nov 12, 2019Views: 588
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MDMA (3) : Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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