DOSE:		smoked	Cannabis
	repeated	smoked	DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

78 kg

Saturday morning: From all things, the fucking SUN is out, beautiful day, so I don't have much for breakfast and eat the remaining mushrooms I had in my box. I sit by the window and let the world pulse, melt, vibrate and move around, the sun is amazing, the computer plays mostly 'the doors', what a morning.

All this nice tripping puts me in a good mood and I decide I am ready for the DMT. I try the vaporiser that I bought but it seems that most of the vapour condenses on the cold glass, I try the pipe but it is blocked and most DMT catches fire, fuck.

Sunday evening and I arrange to go and do dimitroula with my friend. We smoke some weed first and get the bong out, been tried and tested. So I have two trips first, I get the visuals I am also getting to the other place but this surely is not full on. My friend hits again and we reckon there must be some left on the bong.

I want to breakthrough so I take it and hit again. I lay back on the sofa the feeling of this rushing energy concentrating on my head comes and I smile, it gets stronger, is this going to take me through; I think to myself, it keeps getting stronger and I remember my friend that says unless you feel it is too much you have not gone through yet, and that is good cause It is getting too much and booom. I don't remember the exact order things happened but I am going to try and illustrate the best I can what I remember.

So there is always this feeling past the initial phase of going through to this other place. It is hard to describe it to someone else unless they have felt it, but there is strong sense of going/being somewhere that feels very very different from this reality, probably mainly because somehow the dimensionality feels different. I have a different sense of being that is very specific to that place, and this sense is always the same and extremely familiar but yet a bit alien. I don't remember if I spent lots of time during my strong trip in the visual pattern phase, but that feels a bit like watching through an almost tunnel vision all these patterns in space that change shape and colours and they come towards me, and sometimes they might have a 'bad' vibe but I can manipulate it to some extent and give them a more positive feel.

At some point the lights of some rushing patterns started forming this face that I interpreted as a bit sinister/evil so I directed some female sense to it and It soothed me. And then but maybe not necessary at this order I had this most profound realisation, although I don't remember parts of it, that this is it, this life, its uniqueness, its transience, the loneliness of existence, and then felt that this is it but it is OK, and some people agreed with me that it is OK, and I also felt that is OK for death to be one's most important thing/fear, but that is OK as well. Then I felt almost empathic the presence of some people including my boss and I had some fleeting thoughts and he said something too and I realised something but I can't remember this aspect.

Then I remember being in this room. This is the place I have visited in the past with salvia, only that now is less weird but more real. Salvia, like someone else said is like mind-fuck drug but in a bad way. So I am in this place but this is the place, I have been here before, in fact this is the room where I am really in, somehow all the places I have visited in my life, all the things I have done are a mere transient movement of clips seen from this room. I have physically moved my body in different places but I have always been in this room. My existence is really in this room, it feels this is eternity, it feels like the most profound, real and awkward realisation that I have ever made in my life. This place has always been there, I have been there, I will go back but once I am back in normal life I forget most about it and especially the feeling of it while I am there. I can't see a door, it is fairly dream like. I think there is probably one or two more people in there, they don't feel neither familiar nor strangers. Then I feel this room where I have always been is Sartre's description of heaven and hell in 'No exit' aka 'behind closed doors'. But I am not simply an observer in this room I very much feel the whole concept of Sartre's idea.

This realisation at some point gets a bit creepy (most probably cause it gives the feeling of all the life as I know it is only a part, in fact there is more, and I am there in the other place too, and this is the most weird feeling) and then I hear someone saying 'That is why I don't like to widen my perception too much' and I feel this was said as a response to me having this awkward feeling, but it is not scary just weird. And this widening of perception and the realisation of the existence of this other place I think is a bit too much to have for when I get back to the real world, and I remember that I tend to forget what it feels like when I am back, and that is OK cause it can be very hard to live if the memory was any stronger than the one I have now.

I also have a very faint memory of a white fair thing (maybe this is my wish for meeting the white rabbit from alice in wonderland) but I only remember so much. And then I feel I am taking the shape of a meditating monk (like the Buddhists you see sitting cross-legged) and the shape takes shape and it is me, and I am getting back the sense of my body and I feel that all this energy was concentrated on my head all along and know it gets distributed again throughout my body and then I am almost back. Almost as if during my trip and up to this point I was conserving energy and concentrating in my head. I feel that I haven't been breathing for a while and I have a very strong memory of the emotions that rush through me through the trip and they feel strong and I take a couple of deep breaths to relax. I open my eyes but my hearing is interrupted, my vision fairly disrupted too it feels too much so I close my eyes, I remember hearing the other two guys (real persons in the room) commenting at a couple of times at the stages/phases I was in during my trip but turns out it wasn't them.

Immediately after the trip the emotions were still strong, but I got interrupted by the other guys so I forgot quite alot, but remember that I wouldn't want to have another hit any time soon because of the whole strength of the emotions I went through. It is interesting beyond belief. Even if I don't break through to the other side, the visuals on the first phase of the trip are really nice, I am in this space, with different colours and for me it is either displayed on square boxy shapes or tunnelling rushing imagery.

I think for someone who hasn't experienced in some way before this feeling of the transience of existence and death and chaos, the first phase of my DMT trip would have been perceived a bit stronger, but for me the 'room' is the most surreal feeling and sense of existence I ever have, If I believed in life after death, then this would have been the place, no question about it.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 94973
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Jun 5, 2021	Views: 540
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
DMT (18) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)