Citation: Silver Warrior. "Time Is Doing Weird Things: An Experience with Ketamine & Nitrous Oxide (exp95170)". Erowid.org. May 9, 2013. erowid.org/exp/95170
I had first heard of K a long time ago, and had been curious about it ever since, in large part because of the experience reports that described it as having a lot of spiritual potential. However, for whatever reasons, I have almost never encountered it.
Recently however, I came across a friend who was telling me about their experiences with it, and after hearing that I had never been able to experience it, we worked something out. I have a good deal of trust in this person, and when I was told that it was more or less pure, I believe that. I have heard others make this sort of claim about other things, when it is clearly not true, but in this case, I believe it was fairly pure. Maybe not 100%, but probably in the range of 90-95%.
After spending several days reading up on the substance and a lot of experience reports, I decided to give it a try. I have tried dissociatives before, specifically DXM and nitrous, so I was expecting something similar. However, it had been a long time since I took a higher dose of DXM, so I think I was expecting something a little less psychedelic and a little more intoxicating.
It was a weekday, and I did have responsibilities the next day, so it may not have been the ideal time to try something like this, but I was pretty excited about trying something new, so I ignored the part of me saying to hold off. I had eaten a few hours before, so my stomach wasn’t complete empty, but I also wasn’t hungry. I was alone in my apartment, and it was around 22:45h that I decided to do it.
What follows is a combination of notes taken from during the experience itself, and my recollections and reflections after the fact.
22:45 (+0): Took a large line (estimated at between 80-120mg), which burned more than I thought it would, but wasn’t terrible. I had prepared some relaxing music and turned a visualizer on the TV. I had also prepared a bag just in case I needed to vomit, and a piece of paper to take notes of the experience on.
22:48 (+3min): Feeling relaxed, as though I had just drank maybe 2-3 beers. My perception of motion seems to lag slightly. Turned on the music I had prepared, which was very relaxing, mellow, and enjoyable.
22:51 (+6): Right now I feel as though I’m pretty drunk, and noticing momentum right now. Once I get up and start moving, it’s easy to stay moving. If I stop though, I feel very lethargic and slightly heavy.
22:54 (+9): Thinking a balloon of nitrous would go really good well right now.
23:00 (+15): The balloon hit me hard, and “I” seemed to temporarily dissolve. By that I mean I went from inhaling to returning. Somewhere in between, I had lost nearly all awareness of myself, my surroundings, and everything else. I guess you could call it a very brief ‘black out.’ I noted here that it felt similar to the combination of DXM and alcohol. The visualizer on the TV is very hypnotizing, I find myself staring at it like an idiot, and getting lost in the kaleidoscopic imagery. I got up briefly to change the music, so I am still able to move around, but it was not an easy task. I found myself stumbling quite a bit and being mostly uncoordinated.
23:04 (+19min): I feel as though I’m sinking into my couch. “Feels very cosmic – life & deathy – not that I’m in any way near that gate but just a very all-encompassing perspective.” For some reason the mysteries of life and death crossed my mind. It’s not that I felt for even a second that I was about to die or anything like that, but I became very aware of mortality – something that often happens during psychedelic experiences for me. This spawned an interesting chain of thoughts about how change is an integral part of reality. Reality is change. Inevitably I will lose all of those who are close to me and that I care about, even myself. This got me to start thinking about what I am doing with my life, and how I am spending every precious moment that we have. Suddenly I found myself heavily under the influence, and felt kind of guilty for messing with my ability to simply experience life (after all, it’s hard to be very aware when you’re bordering on a k-hole). I reflected like this for a few minutes, before other thoughts came up.
23:11 (+26): Near the peak here. I feel quite content and happy. I had a weird experience with moving. “It’s as though there were reverse echoes of me moving in space-time.” What I meant by this was that I felt almost like I had already gotten up to do something before I had actually done so. I'm not sure if that makes much sense, but it made sense at the time. I was also aware of the neural impulses to move (if that's even possible). I felt them getting stronger until they reached a certain level of intensity at which point I almost involuntarily got up to adjust the music. I felt very heavy, and noted that aside from writing these notes, moving took a lot of effort and energy. I changed the music back to something very relaxing and minimal, as anything more than that was too stimulating and made me uncomfortable.
23:17 (+32): I noted that the experience at this point was very similar to the feeling I get after taking a few hits of nitrous, except very prolonged. I also felt some resistance here to letting go and really immersing myself in reality and my experience. I realized this applied not only to my altered consciousness, but also my day-to-day consciousness and life as well.
23:28 (+43): “Time is doing weird things.” I was able to go all the way to the bathroom just now (which involved some stairs, so my coordination must have been returning slightly). I also decided that wearing a belt was entirely too uncomfortable, so I threw it off. Problem was now my pants kept falling down, but since I wasn't moving around much, I didn't really care, and it was actually much more comfortable without a belt.
I decided to do another balloon here. It was a chore to fix it up, and it didn't seem to have that much of an effect on me. Afterwards, I found it helpful to remind myself that I was going to come down eventually. Since time was still doing weird things and dilating, this was actually helpful, since a few minutes would sometimes go by really quick and other times really slow.
Throughout my experience so far, I got the feeling here and there of being watched. It was a weird feeling, and was probably just me being paranoid.
23:45 (+60): Definitely coming down – everything is way slowed down – thinking, motion, perception. I feel very relaxed though. Just laying on the couch, having a daydream about my dream girl. My mind is all over the place, but I have a few interesting insights about myself and my life, that remain relevant even after returning to baseline.
00:40 (+115) – I’ve mostly returned to baseline, though I still feel quite spacey and very relaxed. I decide to do a far smaller line (probably around 30-60mg). I didn’t take any notes on the experience this time around, so I’ll just try my best to remember it. The drip was more unpleasant than last time, but it came on pretty quickly again, within 5 minutes.
I turned on a video of a live music concert, but quickly lost interest and went to my bedroom. I felt uncoordinated and heavy again, and even though I wanted to stand up and move around, when I did that I felt uncomfortable and just wanted to lie down, so I lay on my bed and stared at my ceiling for a while. My visual field seemed to warp a little – the flat ceiling looked like it was coming downwards towards me, but when I looked right at it, it returned to normal. At one point, I remember feeling like my eyes were looking in two different directions, kinda like a lizard.
I felt distant and disconnected, but not completely. It wasn’t a very good feeling or a bad feeling. I felt more or less neutral, if you can imagine that.
Eventually I made it to the floor and helped myself to another balloon. After coming down from that a few minutes later, I concluded that I didn’t really enjoy dissociatives all that much, and decided that I would stay away from them.
I went to sleep about an hour after this, and had some vivid dreams until I woke up the following morning.
The next day I felt tired and did not have much motivation to do anything. My throat felt a little sore, but that eventually went away. In retrospect, the experience was certainly more psychedelic than I expected. Dissociatives do have the potential to allow you to explore parts of yourself that you may not under normal circumstances. Some people use them at clubs and raves, but I can’t imagine that being that much fun. Even at a lower dose for me, I found myself without any desire to move. All I wanted to do was sit/lie down and stare off into space.
The experience overall was alright, though after reading others report of out of body experiences and other sorts of very cool phenomena, maybe I was expecting too much. I do not think I would repeat it, mainly because I did not find it very fun or enlightening. It mainly just knocked me out of it for a while.
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