Citation: Ganesha. "Ultra Alone: An Experience with Syrian Rue, MDMA & LSD (exp95421)". Erowid.org. Jun 23, 2021. erowid.org/exp/95421
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None of my friends who went to ultra last year went this year, due in part to how quickly it sold out. I went anyway, figuring I could make friends there if I needed to. I spent the hours before ultra consuming various vitamins, eating light and healthy foods, meditating, doing yoga, dancing and vaporizing cannabis and playing the piano. Two hours before I left I parachuted ~125 mg of harmaline, continued to do yoga and dance for an hour and then set up idoser (a binaural wavelength generator) to the sexual dose (it claims to give sexual excitement, it works for me, I have achieved multiple orgasms without touching myself by using it with cannabis). I had recently been researching and experimenting with sex sublimation, the art of hooking up sexual energy to do other things, and I wanted to get myself very excited before ultra to see what would happen. I used idoser to do this since the orgasms it gives me do not result in ejaculation and thus I do not experience the cool-down. I reached a mild orgasm with it this time, gathered my things together, and walked out the door.
I got on the train and headed towards ultra. On the way I consumed a 5-hour energy drink (which has lots of stuff in it which I did not list). I met some friendly humans along the way who attempted to absorb me into their group, but I slipped away at a convenient time. When in line at the gate I attempted to start a chant, 'Hey Hey, Ho Ho, this drug war has got to go' with some folks who had drug references on their shirts. They said they would join in, but when I started chanting they did not join. I figured they were either narcs or cowards.
It took about an hour and a half to make it from my apartment to the inside. Once inside, I inserted my trusty earplugs and walked around for a bit to see all the stages. At this point I was feeling the energy drink on top of the cannabis and syrian rue. It was a potent combination, I felt very masculine (typical of my reaction to harmaline and cannabis), and full of sexual energy. There was an enormous number of very attractive nearly nude females everywhere I went, and I focused on enjoying their presence without attachment, without feeling unhappiness at their distance from me, without fearing their disappearance, as the Tantric Buddhists say. The result was a strong sense of euphoria.
I picked a stage and started dancing. I'm a very good dancer and I quickly attracted the attention of the humans around me. Soon there was a circle of females dancing around me to my delight. It was not long before males quite a bit larger than me danced into the circle, bumped into me 'by accident' and the circle broke up. I managed to outdance them and they then left me alone. I was having tons of fun and made connections with various humans around me as we danced together. I felt keenly aware of when a girl gave me her attention and started showing off for me and when we danced together, even from a distance, it felt as though we were having sex. We humans, like other animals, dance to assess each others sexual fitness, and apparently my dancing also proved that I was not a narc, and I was approached by someone selling MDMA. I paid $20 for one pill and ate it. I continued walking around, thinking I did not want to get too worked up before the MDMA kicked in, especially since I took the 5-hour energy drink.
As I walked around I started feeling uneasy as I remembered that harmaline is an MAOI and MAOIs are contraindicated for use with MDMA.
I started feeling uneasy as I remembered that harmaline is an MAOI and MAOIs are contraindicated for use with MDMA.
After a few minutes of anxious planning, I decided to pay very close attention to my body for the duration and meditate before coming up so as to keep my heart rate and blood pressure near normal levels. This ended up working just fine, although I started to feel nausea at the same time as I felt the MDMA. When it kicked in it did not feel as euphoric as usual. I did feel very empathic and as I sat meditating I felt tremendous love for those around me, despite my gastrointestinal discomfort. After a bit I found a grassy area to lie down in and discovered that my nausea was really just gas. After happily farting for several minutes, I felt well enough to walk around, and even gingerly dance. As I came up further I slowly increased the intensity of dancing, while frequently checking my pulse and various internal sensors for warning signs.
All was going well, despite feeling a little physically constrained by my oversight regarding the mixture, and when I saw Miike Snow, one of my favorite bands, I felt an incredible wave of euphoria. I wept profusely at the beauty of the world, as I was showered with affection from Gaia.
After Miike Snow, I was approached by someone offering LSD. After a little thought, I purchased one hit and took it, since I was very experienced with it and knew it would not contribute to the dangers of the MDMA/MAOI mixture, which seemed to be under control anyhow.
It was dark by this time and I went to see Skryllix. There I found another girl to dance with and we synced up, side by side and for the first time since arriving I got a very strong erection. The music was very sexual, throbbing and I was wearing loose pants and I nearly had an orgasm just from following her body with mine. It was absolutely exhilarating and the only physical contact we had was our arms brushing against each other.
As the LSD settled in, I became more aware of my fear of death and realized I had been craving some physical female contact for a bit. I felt very shy about talking to girls or touching them more than a little, and after nearly asking several girls if they would like to exchange back rubs and aborting at the last minute, I heard my friend B's voice in my head. 'There are probably 25,000 girls here, if any of them turn you down you can ask another one.' This seemed like sound advice, although I had never heard him say that exactly. I seemed to be half consciously worried that the rejection of a show of affection would come with being ostracized from the group as a whole, but I realized quickly that this association was based on my experiences in middle school and was not appropriate here; it was a sort of personality atavism. I waited until I caught a girl's attention who was not surrounded by males and made my move. I offered to several girls at once and one took me up. After about a minute she stopped me, saying she couldn't feel anything anyway. I felt a little ashamed, but then realized I had been touching her very lightly, in a way that pleased me and minimized my effort, but apparently did not please her. So I decided to try again with a different girl and ask how hard she liked it on a scale of 1-5 (thinking a scale of 1-10 might be an overwhelming amount of choices) and she said she wanted a 6. So I gave her a nice hard back rub and then asked her to give me one. She was very amused, told me it felt wonderful and that she would have use that trick to get a back rub in the future, and gave me what I had been craving. After a couple minutes I asked if I could take my shirt off, she consented and I removed it. Pretty Lights came on and we got up and danced together and a very large happy man shared his vicks vapor and 3-d glasses with me.
Since a very young age, I had been a little ashamed of my small stature. I am wiry, without much muscle mass or fat, and I did not take my shirt off in public often. While most of the males with their shirts off at ultra were much more muscular than me, this time I did not feel ashamed at all, I felt sexy and powerful and very happy and very high and danced vigorously to the incredible show.
That was the last show of the night, and I left quickly, trying to stay ahead of the crowd, still tripping. As I was walking to the tram, I saw the police had a handcuffed naked man on his knees in the middle of the street. He looked high and I guessed that he had gotten naked and got caught. I yelled that being naked in public was illegal and that I didn't know why, then left, thinking I was not in the best state of mind to deal with police officers. Having made my way home, I got some food and gathered a couple friends to share my experience and stayed up until 7 in the morning. I did not feel anything unpleasant in the comedown.
For the past few months I had been monitoring my cognitive functions with the brain-training games and statistics online as a sort of reality check whenever I felt that my psychonautical explorations were making me more intelligent. In general, my perceptions of increasing cognitive abilities seemed accurate. When I woke up after about 5 hours, I decided to check whether there was any evidence that I had harmed myself with all the drugs I took. I played two games and set two new high scores raising my Brain Profile Index (rough analogue of IQ) by 10 points, or approximately 1/10 a standard deviation, which was an unusually large increase in one day for me. I saw no evidence of harm done to my brain, it even seems that I unlocked some latent sexual energy or something with all my adventures. I am skipping the second day (too much electronic music) and will return on the third day, probably without taking any drugs, so I can test out my newfound sexual powers. The first day I did not put my mouth or genitals on anyone since I have learned from experience the great confusion and suffering that can arise from mixing sex with psychedelics, especially with strangers.
I have learned from experience the great confusion and suffering that can arise from mixing sex with psychedelics, especially with strangers.
I will also have my friend B with me then, who attracts females with great ease... we will probably have a great time :D
Overall, I do not regret the MAOI/MDMA combination although I do not think I will do it again anytime soon. I do feel like I confronted and overcame some feelings of shame and loneliness and that I gained new sexual confidence. I also achieved a new level of freedom and enjoyment in dance through sex sublimation. I think my experiment was a tremendous success, although I would not have attempted such an adventure without a great deal of psychonautic experience under my belt.
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