DOSE:

smoked

Cannabis

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

134 lb

I had an imminent pre placement drug test that I found out about with two weeks in advance. Thinking I had time to flush my system out, I started a rigorous high fiber diet to redirect metabolites elimination to the colon instead of the bladder. I bought several home tests which I continued to fail even after the 15 day mark. I've been smoking for 8+ years on a regular basis. So, on to plan B.

I researched substitution extensively, mainly from the the norml website, several different forums, and the Abbie Hoffman book. There's not a lot of detailed information in regards to women, asides from the obvious choice of concealing the container inside the vaginal cavity to maintain the right temperature of the sample.

Here's what worked for me.

Materials:

-2 oz hand sanitizer bottle with cap that can be screwed on (this is important, I didn't want it to make a sound when I opened it)
-a clean sample donor
-a little bit of personal lubricant
-a digital thermometer
-disposable plastic cups
-disinfectant spray

Two days before the test I did several test runs. I washed out the hand sanitizer bottle, filled it with hot water and put a little bit of lube on and inserted it cap side down.

It felt comfortable enough to walk around and sit down, as I could be in the waiting room for a while. Kept it in for two hours, removed it, poured the water into a plastic cup and measured the temperature. It read 96.4. Perfect. They would be looking for the sample to be between 90 and 100 degrees. Next step was peeing a little into the bowl for extra credibility, and inserting the empty container back in. I didn't want to come out with any bumps in my clothing that weren't there before. I repeated this process as many times as it took to get comfortable with it. The whole thing shouldn't take more than 3 or 4 minutes.

The day of the test:

I packed a fresh sample from my clean donor. Disinfected the outside of the bottle with the spray. Put a little bit of lube on and inserted it. Wore grannie panties, for extra control, high waisted pants and a white blouse. Also wore sandals. I think it's worth mentioning this since I wanted to look like I had no place to hide anything. I got called and the nurse asked me to wash my hands in the outside sink, and if there was anything in my pockets. She handed me a cup and said to give her 'what I can', which I found pretty amusing. The bathroom itself was void of mirrors, had no sink, the water in the bowl was colored blue and there was a small rack on which I could rest the cup. The cup had a temperature strip.

So I went in, looked around for any hidden viewing spots (paranoia runs deep). Obviously there weren't any, it's just a lab that works with tons of companies and their preventive measures are making the individual wash their hands for any hidden chemicals in the fingernails, coloring the toiled water to prevent sample dilution, asking you not to flush and checking for the right temperature. So, I pulled the pants down, took container out, poured sample in cup, peed a little in the bowl, threw the toilet paper in there, inserted container back in and calmly went out and handed the cup back to the nurse. She checked the temperature, poured a third of the sample in a sealed container, took the rest back to the bathroom where she emptied the cup and checked that I hadn't flushed. I washed my hands. Signed a few papers that allowed them to disclose the info. Put my initials on the container and went on my merry way.

I cannot emphasize how important practice was for this method to work. I needed to know what I was doing, get familiar with the procedure. Once I got the nurse to accept the sample, I was all set.

Other things I tried that didn't work:

-Using a non-lubricated rinsed out reservoir tipped condom. Filled it with hot water, closed it off with a zip tie. Not even half hour in I felt a leak. It had burst. I liked the control of a hard sided container much better. No leaks at all.

-Getting clean in a 15-day period. Again, I'm 134 lbs, 5'5', not doing a lot of exercise these days but I'm not overweight by any means and eat pretty healthy.

One last thing, I got those dip stick tests, they are dirt cheap. I didn't keep wondering if I was gonna test clean. Found out for myself so I could plan accordingly.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 95550
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Nov 1, 2019	Views: 902
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Drug Testing (59), Cannabis (1) : Not Applicable (38), General (1)