Citation: Wanderer. "Ek-stasis: An Experience with LSD (exp95667)". Erowid.org. Nov 7, 2020. erowid.org/exp/95667
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 2:00
||(blotter / tab)
This is a report of my first full-blown LSD experience a few nights ago. It was one of the richest, most concentrated, most sublime twelve hours of my life.
As dosages are pretty unreliable with street acid, I cannot say the exact dose I took.
As dosages are pretty unreliable with street acid, I cannot say the exact dose I took.
However, the seller claimed that each of his tabs was 100mcg, and I took four tabs. I had taken one of his tabs a few weeks earlier and experienced threshold effects--some visual distortion, slight changes in my thought processes, some sensory enhancement, and an inability to fall asleep for at least twelve hours.
On this occasion, I took three tabs at 6:00pm, holding them on my tongue for about 45 minutes, then swallowing them. I then took another tab close to 8:00.
I decided to take notes constantly during the experience, and Iím glad I did. Excerpts from these notes will appear in italics. Iíve divided the report into sections to make it easier to read.
D.M. Turner, in his Essential Psychedelic Guide, calls LSD ďthe molecule of perfection.Ē While there is as much variety in peopleís LSD experiences as there is variety in people themselves, his description suited my experience. In comparing my experience with my previous experiences with psilocybin mushrooms, the former conjured images of diamonds, clarity, light, perfection in a ďmathematicalĒ sense, rainbows, whereas the latter brings to mind images of the earth, the ocean, and feelings of sinking and flowing as water. This is simply my experience.
Previous experiences: cannabis, psilocybin mushrooms, 4-AcO-DMT, 25i-NBOMe, MDMA, HBWR seeds, DMT (smoked)
Set: Contemplative, solitary, mystically-inclined; practicing deep acceptance of both the inner and outer world--this attitude of acceptance has prepared me for the expanded world of the psychedelics; reading widely in philosophy, psychology, and religion. A composer. In a long term relationship with my love.
I was a little nervous, having never had a full LSD experience, and I was taking what seemed to me a fairly high dose. And I had originally planned to take it the next day, but I was suddenly inspired to take it this evening. I felt good and ready, though, after previously been quite afraid of the drug.
Setting: My bedroom on a spring evening; my surrounding city neighborhood; a train; a train station; a park by a river.
6:00pm Take three tabs. I put on some Bach keyboard music. I had been reading Dale Pendellís Pharmako/Gnosis, and in the LSD chapter he had described listening to Bach under the influence. I have always loved the intricate, mathematical nature of his keyboard music, and it fit my mood nicely. Also, since I have listened to his music since I was quite young, it is comforting and homey to me. There is an order to the music that calms me. I had just eaten dinner, so I wasnít expecting any effects for at least an hour or two.
7:00 Reading The Lazy Manís Guide to Enlightenment online, a book from the 1970s that offers some reassuring advice about what to do during a bad trip, and some pointers on psychedelic exploration in general. I notice the words starting to shift, a restlessness growing in my body, a little pleasant trembling. My visual field is a little fuzzy.
I had watched some porn before reading the book, feeling a strong sexual energy growing in my body. I had kept the Bach on and muted the pornís soundtrack, and I had noticed that I was gravitating towards more soft-core videos. I think about sexual ecstasy and spiritual ecstasy for a bit while I watch.
7:20 Visuals increasing pleasantly. A nice moment: a Bach piece comes on that I once tried to teach myself on the piano. I hadnít heard it in years. Considering taking a fourth tab, the only one I have left. I decide to see where I am at 7:30. I write this in my notes:
I feel like i am in a humming heaven of frequency and ecstatic...the bach is literally the perfect accompaniment.
As I look around the room, I feel like I am in a sacred hall of mirrors (reminds me of Alex and Allyson Greyís Chapel of Sacred Mirrors)--my curtains are welcoming me.
It becomes clear to me, something I often think about during the day: how fluid my thoughts are with my surroundings. It makes sense from a certain meditative perspective, which considers thoughts as another thing that surrounds us, like the objects in a room or the clouds in the sky. I see this--when the music is nimble, my thoughts are nimble--when the music comes to a pause, my thoughts also pause. I think about how little control I actually have over my own thoughts. (This is something I will be contemplating throughout the trip.)
the whole room is alive with energy and im just swimming in it
not even 730 yet--just checked for time dilation (I looked at a second hand on my clock to see if the seconds seemed to be going slower...they did not.)
7:30 Still thinking about taking the last tab. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, was flying over a vast ocean, reminded me of the film Ashes and Snow, which I decide would be beautiful to watch in this state. I decide to watch it later. For now, I want to listen to some of my own music on headphones.
7:35 definitely feeling disconnected from the world in a lovely sense, going out for a bit of a walk
every step of this trip so far as felt leading down a particular path, but also no path in particular...just following my lead wherever iíd like to go
8:00 I take the last tab outside.
8:20 I am outside sitting on some stairs, watching the city life--the people, restaurants. Visuals are out of control now, it feels like the world is a Van Gogh painting--intensely vivid with color and swirling with energy. This is when the perception of color begins to intensify to a degree I have never experienced, at least in my memory. Perhaps as a child I saw the world in a similar way. Throughout the entire trip the phrase ďthe colors!Ē repeats in my mind hundreds of times, wherever I am, even in the darkness of my blankets later in the trip.
I have been thinking a lot about this aspect of the experience, the colors. It wasnít just that they (particularly the neons) appeared more vivid. Wherever I looked and saw color, I felt a strong sense of gratitude for their presence, and the sense of beauty in the world that they represented. Each street light or flash of color in someoneís clothing presented itself as a jewel, a precious concentration of light and beauty.
I noticed something Iíve noticed on shrooms as well--the ease with with which I can fall into a train of thought and completely lose myself in it for what seems like minutes, but turns out to be only thirty seconds.
8:25 I consider adding MDMA to the experience, and I toss this idea back and forth about twenty minutes, finally deciding against it.
I consider adding MDMA to the experience, and I toss this idea back and forth about twenty minutes, finally deciding against it.
In the end I was glad that I didnít, as I now have a ďpureĒ LSD experience which I can compare to future combinations. Iím particularly interested in combining LSD with MDMA, nitrous, cannabis, and DMT.
feels like paradise and sunshine inside of me
there is such a deep bliss in the slowing down of time--it feels like...finally...we have arrived, and we have time to wade around in the bliss
The slowing down of time was really one of my favorite parts of the experience. Makes me wonder what my life would be like if I lived in an environment that moved at a much slower pace than the city Iím in right now. I grew up much slower-moving suburbs.
right now there is a distinct feeling of cosmic bliss, and desire to amplify it in some way...but also a recognition that it does not need to be amplified, and can remain right where it is
JESUS 834 i feel like i just went through a whole lifetime...i can see why they call LSD like a trash compactor for the soul
I had read this somewhere, about an LSD experience being capable of ďcompactingĒ years of experience. Others have compared it to a spring cleaning for the mind.
8:40 feeling ecstatic, literally ecstatic, like i cant contain the blisswondercolor that is exploidng outwards
This was the beginning of the ecstasy that would last for about five more hours. It caught me completely off guard. The only previous experience I had had with this feeling was my first time with MDMA, but the feeling had only lasted a few minutes. I kept anticipating the feeling on LSD to vanish, or at least to diminish significantly, but it just kept going. I felt like I was being electrocuted from within, but instead of the pain that that would entail, it was intensely pleasurable. I could not believe that it kept going.
It was the strongest continuous feeling of ecstasy I can remember experiencing in my life, and ecstasy in the root sense of the word, ek-stasis, standing outside oneself. I never completely left my body, so to speak, though I am interested in the possibility of an out-of-body experience. But there was a distinct sense of feeling a quite new relationship with the world around me. It was different from the oceanic sense of melting into nature that I have experienced on shrooms.
This feeling was amplified when I put on an album by the Conogolese band Konono No. 1, some of the most ecstatic music I know. I started by playing the music from my computer speakers, but craved a much more enveloping experience, so I set up my subwoofer and two more powerful speakers on the ground to blast the music. The bass rumbled the floor and the room filled with sound. I knew that the speakers, and my neighbors, could only take so much, but I craved much louder and powerful amplification. I didnít go any further, but I noted this craving, and noticed it several times throughout the trip--a desire to be almost overwhelmed with sensory representations of how I was feeling inside.
big bubbling pot of music rhythms down below
8:53 ive found myself in the middle of a dancing circle in this nigerian village, ecstatic and communing in a circle
slapping my thighs in rhythm, i could not stop slapping for forever!
it feels like true entrainment--like whatever rate the music is going at, is the rate my thoughts are going
the depth of the subwoofing is so grounding for my thoughts
So, as I began to dance to the music, I began to move around in a circle, following the concentric circles on my carpet. I would return to this circle form later in the trip. As I continued to move, I found myself in a trance, which does not happen to me very often. I was slapping my thighs to the music, and for several minutes I felt completely locked in to the rhythm, feeling like it would take considerable effort to stop dancing.
The entrainment was something that I kept returning to during the trip. As I mentioned earlier, while listening to the Bach I noticed that my thoughts were particularly fluid with the music--nimble passages would promote nimble thoughts, pauses would be reflected by pauses in thought. This happened again when dancing--during more up-tempo passages, I would notice a quicker rate of thinking, and vice versa. I remember reading about Stanislav Grofís experiments with using strobe lighting and other visual effects during LSD sessions. I am interested in exploring some of these experiments, including listening to brain wave recordings on LSD.
9:03 interested in seeing what silence sounds like
feels like there are two wings growing out of the sides of my head, lifting me to the clouds
just sitting blissfully in the clouds, feeling glad i took 4 tabs
itís so beautiful, i keep dreading the hour i will have to go sleep...and yet its 907pm
feeling myself moving into a more mellow side of the trip...going to put on ashes and snow
I put on one of my favorite movies, Ashes and Snow. It is shot in slow motion, which was quite delicious to watch in this state. I am seized by the beauty of the film, feeling like layer after layer of my soul is being peeled back and penetrated. I feel enchanted.
9:46 it is palpable how malleable and inconsequential my own thoughts are, like then the elephant blows out in the water--thats the expulsion of all my thoughts
Again, noticing the fluidity of my thoughts with what I am perceiving. An image of an elephant blowing air underwater...I watch my thoughts dissolve and the follow the pattern of the image.
10:09 Seeing people move in slow motion on the screen prompts me to do a few yoga poses. I had a really interesting report on Erowid about someone experimenting with hatha yoga and LSD/MDMA. Stretching feels wonderful, though I only do it for about ten minutes. This is also something Iíd like to try in the future.
10:15 The movie ends, and I decide to go back outside.
10:54 I feel like a significant, complex, intricately weaving part of my soul has been touched and opened. Just wandering up and down the aisles of the supermarket drinking all the colors...earlier in the trip I was also searching for and appreciating the jewels of light...I wish I could stay in this supermarket all night!!! The colors are licking at me...there are rainbows beyond what rainbows I've seen...I am reeling in the bliss of color...electrified
This was a really special moment. I was wandering outside, and as it was a weekend, there were many people outside, bars were hopping, many late night places were open and active, to my delight. I stumbled upon a supermarket I had never noticed before, and wandered its aisles for probably ten minutes. It was intense. Particularly the produce. I was reminded me of some of the descriptions from the Arabian Nights, of the paradisiacal jeweled chambers where sultans lived. I could not believe how brilliant everything felt. Splendor.
Also during the walk I had stopped in front of a particularly bright restaurant and stared at a menu in the window, drinking in the chatter of people in the street, and music from a nearby bar. For a few seconds I lost the sensation of my body, as if I floated out of it just for a moment, then landed back when I realized what had happened. This happened a couple of times during the trip.
11:01 I feel like the whole trip just started all over again! Bliss candy colors
11:10 I decide to visit a train station that I know will be very active at this time on a weekend, and whose architecture I really admire. I hadnít been there in a few months. I appreciated not feeling the drowsy, lethargic feeling I often get with shrooms, and I was excited to travel on a crowded train with the partygoers. I was very awake.
On the train (to the main train station):
11:25 I am literally splintering with light...it feels like there is a lightning bolt of rainbow bliss that is continuously striking at the center of my heart
Like a fuckin stained glass window
I feel totally unhinged
It feels like that MDMA peak, but just does not end...
Also, on the train I noticed a sudden shudder that traveled through my body, sort of a whole body spasm. It felt pleasant, and recurred throughout the night. The lightning bolt image was quite palpable, right in the center of my chest. I didnít feel any physical pain, but I kept feeling like I would any second, as if I were going to burst with bliss.
11:40 Walking to the train station, I put on Panda Bearís Person Pitch on my headphones. It felt so nice to listen to some of my favorite music during the trip, albums that are home for me. It was interesting listening to this album--after a while I noticed I wasnít really listening to it, it acted more as a boost to my almost overwhelming emotions at this point. It was perfect.
11:45 At the train station. There is a central ticketing booth, in the midst of a grand room. I find myself walking around and around the ticketing booth, recalling my circular dancing earlier in the trip. I want to walk around like this, drinking in my surroundings--the people, the architecture, the music, my trembling body--but I donít want to call attention to myself.
11:51 Feel like an enormous xylophone, being ecstatically fondled by the universe
Ever ytime I write something like this during the trip, I just have to laugh at the sudden poverty of my language capabilities. For example, I wrote this a little later at the train station: Candyland utopia paradise fairies
The use of language particularly interested me because I aware of nuances and gradations to the experience that I was unable to capture with my vocabulary. Going into the trip, I was well aware of the common experience of being unable to describe psychedelic experiences, but I could not have anticipated to what degree this would prove true for me.
12:00 I am sitting on some steps thinking and watching the weekend crowds make their way through the station. All of a sudden, very negative thoughts enter my head, but of a character that is unfamiliar to me, almost comical in the apparent arbitrariness of the words that are suddenly flowing through my mind--sinister and sadistic thoughts. I then notice something quite striking--for the past thirty seconds or so, there has been a steady stream of people wearing black clothing passing before my eyes. As soon as I notice this, I look around to find some more brightly or lightly colored people, and the thoughts change. As I have mentioned, throughout the trip I was intrigued by the influences of my surroundings on my thoughts, and vice versa, and this was a striking, but fleeting, example. I am not saying so much that the thoughts were ďcausedĒ by my seeing darkly dressed people, but simply that I noticed a possible correlation. I notice this often when I am straight, but to a much lesser degree than I did this night.
12:30 I start making my way back home. I feel like I am coming down slightly.
1:15 At home. I sort of want the trip to end, but I know it wonít end for another few hours. But I am grateful for the experience, and do not mind it continuing. I decide to watch Enter the Void, which I had seen recently. Still craving intense visual stimulation, and the use of color in that movie really impressed me. I watch about a half hour of it before moving on to Tree of Life, another favorite.
2:15 I decide to see what darkness is like. I canít remember precisely when this period happened, whether it was before Tree of Life or after. But I turned off all of the lights and went underneath several layers of blankets to pitch black darkness. The first thing I noticed was one of my favorite parts of a shrooms trip--when I hear intricate music in my inner ear. It seems to me to be a magnification of the different sources of white noise that are present in the quiet room. I saw jagged, pulsating closed eye visuals that danced to the music, which had a distinct looping quality to it, and the presence of mallet instruments, like xylophones.
4:00 I also canít remember exactly where this happened, but during this time in bed I decided to masturbate. This is something I like to investigate on different classes of psychedelics and other drugs. The feeling felt quite similar to my experience with Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, which contain LSA, a relative of LSD, as it was difficult to maintain an erection and difficult to reach orgasm. But I remember the threshold dose of LSD that I had taken a few weeks earlier being much more conducive to sex, so Iím not ruling it out of the experience. But the visuals climbing towards orgasm were spectacular. The room was totally dark, and I had my eyes closed. As I neared orgasm there appeared hundreds of wiggling, glowing, worm-like patterns in my vision, suspended in a matrix, like an M.C. Escher painting. The point of orgasm was magnificent--the images are quite difficult to describe, but I remember a vivid lanscape of waterfalls and bright greenery, and a figure that resembled most closely a depiction of Hindu goddess, like Kali, with many colors and garments, with the figureís head shifting shapes rapidly.
A few minutes later, I heard the sounds of hundreds of cicadas in my inner ear.
4:30 Return to Tree of Life, but eventually am craving something animated, something from my childhood that is close to my heart. I think of the The Flintstones or The Jetsons, and then The Jetsons Movie pops into mind, another one of my favorites. Watching it was so pleasant--again, the colors, this time in an animated format, gave me so much delight, and it felt nice to engage with something more childish.
5:30 During the movie, I decide to see the sunrise, as it will be happening in about an hour, and I havenít been up at sunrise in several months.
6:00 Head outside to the empty streets as the sun begins its slow ascent. I feel radiant, calm, glad to breathe in the morning air. I walk over to a park alongside a river see the moon on its way down (it appeared to be a full moon, and I later confirmed that it was). What a sight. I canít see anyone--just some boats floating in the water, the moon, the city waking up, and the jewels of color that are still so vivid twelve hours later. I had considered taking my headphones outside with me, but had decided that I was saturated. But as I walked south, I heard precisely what I wanted to hear--birds. A couple at first as I neared the edge of a smaller park, then more as I entered. A lone runner waved good morning. And the birds were so soft and welcoming. I felt such strong gratitude for the entire experience, and I realized that this was the first sunlight I was seeing since taking the drug. I had also been awake now for 24 hours. I breathed, listened, and made my way back home when I was ready.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.