I Thought Am I Alive or Dead
DMT
Citation: S. "I Thought Am I Alive or Dead: An Experience with DMT (exp95684)". Erowid.org. Dec 4, 2017. erowid.org/exp/95684
DOSE: |
30 mg | smoked | DMT |
BODY WEIGHT: | 100 lb |
Before I get into the actual experience I'd like to tell you a few things about myself. I had recently been through some trauma within the last few years that had led me to develop some anxiety. I don't have bad anxiety by any means and it hardly affects my life, but I do sometimes tend to get paranoid in different situations and have noticed some changes in my personality. Because of this I always become apprehensive right before tripping because I tend to 'think' too much and have had a few bad trips. On to the experience.
There were about 6 of us in the apartment. It all happened so fast. There was no time to prepare. My friend and I decided to do it alone in her bedroom to be in a calm comfortable environment. We closed the door so that no one else would come in. I took my first hit and held it in for about 10 seconds. Within 2 seconds I was tripping.
I took my first hit and held it in for about 10 seconds. Within 2 seconds I was tripping.
I closed my eyes and that's when the fear set it. I was being taken through a black hole. I could feel myself leaving my body. There was nothing...I can't even describe the feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I then ended up in a pitch black room. My body didn't even exist, it was just my thoughts, but I felt as if I was crawling reaching for anything to touch or feel, but there was nothing. I was echoing, 'omg what happened to me'. 'I know I did something to myself but what did I do'. 'am I dying'. I thought for sure that was the end. It had a feeling of the end...how can there be anything after that? Then the scariest part... I saw images of blood. I saw myself laying there with blood on my legs, on my feet and stomach...I kept yelling 'am I bleeding!?' that's when I heard my friends voice and suddenly I came rushing back into reality. Her calming voice told me that I was ok. I open my eyes.
It was beautiful, she was beautiful, the room was beautiful. There was an orange-skin like look on everything. Everything was so bright and flowing at the same time...everything was flowing beautifully. It reminded me of a willow tree. I felt at peace like I had just been reborn. I was warm inside and felt a huge sensation of love.
Two days later I find myself questioning my experience. Especially the darkness and death. I feel like the experience was telling me to let go. I made it past dying into a beautiful world in my trip. Maybe it was telling me to let go so that I can experience the wonders this life has to offer. My experience was an eye opener to say the least.
Exp Year: 2012 | ExpID: 95684 |
Gender: Female | |
Age at time of experience: 27 | |
Published: Dec 4, 2017 | Views: 2,226 |
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DMT (18) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17) |
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