DOSE:

1 cig.

smoked

Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I used to be someone who loved to smoke marijuana. I had my first experience with pot at age 17 at a friend's cabin on a lake. While I didn't smoke it, I sat in a very small tent with 10+ guys who did smoke it, and I think I might have actually gotten a contact high. I felt amazing. I stripped off my clothes and went swimming in the lake, then drove the 25 mile drive home to my parents house, jamming to tunes, windows rolled down (at 2 am, but it was summertime, so who cares, right?) and got one of the best night's of sleep I ever had. I became a regular user shortly thereafter.

Fast forward a few years. I quit using for awhile because I went to college and was studying to be an athletic trainer. The school I attended did random drug testing, so I quit for awhile. But then... I transferred schools to enroll in a program that would get me honors while I could work full-time in another state. I meet my future boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend (we'll call him Tan) and we start smoking on a regular basis. He gets access to the best dank you could imagine. The best stuff I ever got to smoke was AK-47 - purple, putrid smelling, and caused me to gain about 30 lbs in the course of 3 months. I didn't care. This stuff got me away from my life - I was overloading on credits at college, working a salaried job, and super stressed out. This was my release. It made me happy.

Ok, fast forward again to 2011. I've broken up with said boyfriend. Given up the pot for awhile. Got a new job that totally sucks ass, and was causing me severe mental and physical distress. Marijuana, good old pal, can we have a playdate? I have missed you dearly.

I smoked a joint, nothing new for me. But instead of feeling happy and high, I feel like I have a weight crushing my chest. I can't lay down. I begin dry-heaving. I can't drink water, and I honestly feel like I am about to die. I drive myself to the emergency room (Don't EVER do this, have someone else drive you, or call an ambulance) and remain in this state for nearly 3 hours.

My ER doctor tells me I have suffered a panic attack. I got myself too high. ER doctor gives me a prescription for Xanax, tells me to stop smoking weed, and sends me on my merry way.

Well... ever since I smoked weed that night, I have suffered 100+ panic attacks. I have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (which I know I have always had, but never fully showed symptoms until after this panic attack) and generalized anxiety disorder.

What's my fucking point? I have reason to believe that my marijuana use lowered my mental illness threshold. While I love MJ, and think it should be legalized, I can tell you that I will never ingest it again. That state of fear I was in paralyzed me. I actually spent a stint in the psych ward at a local hospital because the panic attacks caused me to drop nearly 40 lbs in less than a month. I couldn't eat, couldn't drink water, dry-heaved constantly, couldn't sleep... I fucking lost it. (These other people in the psych ward are in there because they suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, are suicidal, etc, and I'm in there because I can't eat.) Note to hospital officials - next time, treat me like I have an eating disorder... don't send someone with OCD and panic issues into a psych ward where people are talking to me about 'the devil getting my soul' and 'spirits tell me to become a serial killer.' FUCKING IDIOTS.

Not every mentally ill person that smokes marijuana will have a bad reaction, but I was one of the unlucky ones who did. It took years before I had that bad reaction, and I had a LOT of good times smoking before it happened, but when it did, it completely changed my life. I have to take anti-anxiety medications everyday now, or face the very real reality of spending more time in the hospital because I can't keep my anxiety under control.

After my psych ward stint, I spent another 6 separate days in the ER in paralyzing fear that I was dying. EKG's all came back normal. Endoscopy came back normal. Colonoscopy (at 26, is extremely rare) came back normal. No liver problems. No ovary / reproductive problems. It was (and still is) all in my head.

I probably would have had this nervous breakdown at some point, but I think marijuana, in addition to my atrocious job, and other stresses in my life, fueled the fire to this 'perfect storm.'

This happened 6 months ago... I am still taking anti-anxiety meds everyday. I desperately want to stop taking the anti-anxiety medication as I feel I am a slave to it, but I know at this point, I would be back in the hospital without it. This has caused me to be unable to work, or live a normal life. I am a college-educated individual, more than capable of working, but this anxiety has destroyed me.

I only hope that at some point, I can resume a normal life. I should have quit smoking pot while I was ahead, before I lost everything.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 95711
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: May 20, 2020	Views: 671
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Cannabis (1) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27), Unknown Context (20)