Citation: Adoni. "Realization of My Negative Characteristics: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp95986)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2021. erowid.org/exp/95986
Ayahuasca in Bolivia
It was the best trip I've ever had. I'll try not to elaborate or exaggerate too much because the trip was so intense that my memory of it in parts is kind of vague.
It began with the ceremony whereby the shaman blessed us as blessed the earth. He sacrificed a fucking llama foetus to the fire! Then we took the drink which was very bitter. Kind of like a strong dark ale. I liked it but nobody else did.
We lay down on this wooden decking under a shelter with no walls. Purely a rudimentary shelter with four pillars and a thatched roof. After a while, maybe half an hour, I was wondering when it would drop. All of a sudden I started bobbing up and down and thought 'I'm on a boat'. At this point the logical, rational side of my mind that controls day to day thoughts said 'how can you be on a boat? You're in the middle of the rainforest and there's no water'. Immediately I disregarded this information and thought it was farcical. In my brain I was on a boat. It was fucking mad. I pushed this standard rationale to the back of my skull.
Then things got really trippy. I was seeing all kinds of mad stuff. Full on psychadelica. I was plugged in (literally, electrically) to the jungle. Every sound and movement was excentuated. (please forgive my misplellings, I'm ruined). I could hear for miles. It was so SO LOUD! Then out of all of all of my mad psychedelic, cartoon visions, I saw electric blue tentacles in the bottom right corner of my vision (my eyes were closed and my face was contorting and spasmodic by this point and I couldn't control it; muscles I didnt even know I could move were out of control
my face was contorting and spasmodic by this point and I couldn't control it; muscles I didnt even know I could move were out of control
These tentacles were disgusting and horrible. Worse than the most horrific nightmare. I was trying my hardest to avoid them because they were horrid. The more I ignored them the more prominent they became until, eventually, they dominated everything I was seeing and drew me in. Maybe in the same way a photograph of a dismembered body would excite a serial killer. It was so so disgusting. Then they sucked me in. They physically stole me, grabbed me and I was under. I was sucked into a kind of underworld where I saw the most frightening visions I've ever dealt with in my life. It was a waking nightmare. I don't want to go into what I saw during this period because it was evil and disgusting and maybe a bit personal. If forced me to regret every bad thing I've done in my life and reconsider how I act as a human being. From the biggest regrets right down to the smallest and least significant thing such as killing an insect.
Once this horrid trip was over is when it gets truly interesting. I was in my bedroom back home in my parents house. Not even imagining. I was physically THERE. But I didnt want to be there. So I was immediately transported to my local pub. The lights were on and it was so VIVID but I was the only person there an it was weird and boring. I didn't want to be there. My brain registered this. Next thing I know I'm at the wolves when Jamie Ohara scores the equaliser against Swansea earlier this season. I re-lived the euphoria I felt at this moment in the south bank. Then I looked around and I'm the only person in the stadium and I was sad. It was so vivid. I was really there. Physically. Everything made perfect sense and the image was pure except for the fact that I was alone. So I didn't want to be there alone in such a highly social situation. So my brain took me to Liverpool.
I was standing outside my university library reciting perfectly Alan Ginsberg poems (which, coincidentally, I could barely do sober; this drug released knowledge and memory which were previously dormant). From my library I walked, in real time, down mount pleasant towards the city centre, past shops, pubs etc etc. Their signs stood out perfectly as did every detail right down the patterns in the pavement. It was perfection. I could have physically been there. Then I walked through the city centre through all the shopping malls right down to Albert dock where I was standing, overlooking the Mersey estuary.
Everything right down to the patterns the waves would make was inch perfect. I looked over it for a while contemplating so many thoughts concerning space and time right down to the smallest most quantum ideas I've ever felt. It was insane.
Then I came out of my haze and I was back in the jungle, lying on the wooden boards, staring at the moon which remained a constant allowing me to know fully that I'd recovered. I was mentally exhausted. I had no hangover. The only thing that resonated was the feelings and realization of my negative characteristics which hopefully I'll be able to avoid or rectify from now on.
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