DOSE:	1 bowl	smoked	Cannabis
	1 hit	smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract - 10x)
			Testosterone	(daily)
			Guanfacine	(daily)
		oral	Vitamins / Supplements	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

280 lb

Medications I take:

Vitamin E 2000 units
1 Evening primrose oil 1200
Fish oil
Intuniv 3mg
Anastrazole 1mg
Testosterone 2.5mg
D-Limonene 1000
Niacin 75 mg
Aspirin 80mg
Ibuprofen
Zantac 150
Dexilent
Cannabis Daily 10 bowls +

I came home from work and the garage was open but the door to get in was locked. I knocked but no one answered so I decided to just smoke using my bong for a bit because that’s what I usually do when I get home anyway. I decided to go around the back of the house where I have a lounge chair that I can lay on and look at my garden, the trees and just enjoy nature. I meditated a bit as that’s one of the uses that I use Marijuana for, to kill pain so that I can meditate.

I decided a while ago to try salvia to help with my meditation and tried it three times previous and enjoyed it. So since I was enjoying my time so much I decided to try the salvia that I kept in my wallet, it was organic 10x. I tried a small pinch like the other times because as I read you should respect this herb. But the pinch had less of an effect compared to the last times, so I loaded up a full bowl, ripped the entire thing till my lungs were completely full and determined myself to hold it as long as I could.

I reached the point where I thought I should exhale and all of a sudden I became the smoke in my lungs and could see myself traveling through my lungs and up through my teeth and out my mouth, the last thought I had where I was still really me was “Oh Fuck how am I going to breath back in?”. I then became some distorted version of myself (so I had some reckoning still at this point of who I was) and I kept trying to move a certain way but no matter what I did, I would always come back to where I was, it was like opening a door and finding the same door and opening that door and finding the same door, it was a paradox. I was starting to become a little scared at this moment.

All of a sudden I couldn’t remember anything, I didn’t know who I was but I found myself in a rowboat on the ocean in a sea of rowboats all exactly identical. We and I mean all of us were there, we were all exactly the same but no one could hear me and I couldn’t hear them I had a feeling I had been plucked from somewhere and placed in this rowboat the problem was I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know who everyone else was or where we had come from but I knew we were all rowing incessantly to try and get someplace but we didn’t know where we were trying to get to. It felt like were slaves being made to row, but we were our own slave master but only because we were terrified of what we were experiencing because we didn’t know how we had gotten there and there was no sense that this was ever going to stop ever, it seemed as though this useless rowing would go on forever on to eternity, but that was better than giving up and accepting life in the rowboat completely alone among a mass of silent strangers as terrified as you. What was so terrifying was the realization that we were all stuck, and that perhaps this was it, this is all there is to experience, perhaps there is no destination, perhaps we were being used somehow, there was a terrible suspicion in my mind that we were being used by something we could not see. I felt as if I was a lone thought and that I kept exclaiming with terror “This is it? This is it?. At one point I became the oar, at one moment I was out of the water the next submerged then out and then submerged again, but no matter which position I was in I was terrified so I took the plunge to the next position but that also was terrifying and so we all kept incessantly spinning our wheels like that.

The experience in the rowboat was one of claustrophobia in a sense and of drowning, the fear and panic of drowning was present. What happened next was I started to come back a bit and I was back but things weren’t right yet. I kind of saw my house and things I knew I was in my yard but I was spinning and although it didn’t hurt it looked and seemed as though I were tumbling into the ground my face and teeth were being split and sheared as I tumbled, I think this was induced by an inner fear that I could fall off the lounge chair and hurt myself but I was already coming back to myself and I have mental guards in place that started to take the fear out, so I reached up with my hand and felt my face and could feel it intact so I knew what was happening wasn’t real.

I then heard my wife’s voice and she was asking what was wrong excitedly, I said “nothing” but I could tell she was worried. I asked her what was wrong and she said I was screaming for help, I do not remember saying or doing anything while I was vacant. It really shook her up a bit because at first she could see I didn’t know what was going on. Needless to say this is my last time with the extracts. Standard leaf I’ll still use but nothing more.

I think the rowboat and most of what I experienced represents duality in its purest form, I would never want to experience this again because it was terrifying but what I learned from it was that duality is a dead end. Even when we think we are experiencing good versus evil the good we think is good is only good in comparison to what we think of as evil but neither are really good. When I was in the water it was terrifying but the salvation I was hoping for, when I came out of the water was just as terrifying because it was a lie, we I think for now are slaves to this lie but perhaps when we decide to stop churning we will be free. I think our reality is merely a nicer form of what I experienced, with many distractions to mollify the terror that we feel.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96035
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: May 20, 2020	Views: 536
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Combinations (3), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)