Erowid Relies on Donations From Visitors Like You
by Paul
Citation:   Paul. "Fear: An Experience with Opioids (exp96133)". Sep 12, 2018.

  oral Opioids


I Fear to stop using opiates I'm scared of the pain, the depression but most of all I'm scared of being me. My addiction troubles started when I was 13 and I had this deep pain inside me that I wanted to cover up. (some bad things happen to me as a child and for a long time) I wanted beer to help me forget and it did help, I went on to use Xanax, weed, cocaine, adderal, crack, mdma, and alot of oxycontin. I spent 3 years chasing oxycontin taking money from my family friends I went down way down. But at the same time I dont hate Opiates I love them they saved me, and gave me a way to get past my pain.

But now I have to get past opiates. I live a normal life I go to work every day I pay my bills I just have to have Opiates to get by. I'm in treatment with suboxone I'm not sure its helping I'm 7 days from my appt, and I have been out for 3 days already but I have another source for some morphine. I'm trying to take the smallest amount as possible to get by and take the withdraw pain.

I Fear the pain I fear not having the drug I'm weak with out it I'm strong with it. I just keep thinking how to get out of this it controls me. I know there are others out there and they know what I'm talking about so when you read this just know I am thinking of you. Tomorow I have to work a ten hour shift I only have half a morphine 30mg. I'll wait as long as possible to take it. I fear I might take it tonight.

Exp Year: 1998-2012ExpID: 96133
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 27 
Published: Sep 12, 2018Views: 631
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Opioids (407), Naloxone (339) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults