Citation: Enlightened. "A Humbling First Experience: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp96280)". Erowid.org. Dec 28, 2013. erowid.org/exp/96280
||(powder / crystals)
I learned about this substance while browsing internet forums and became captivated by it's potential. An initial web browse yielded one online vendor that did not ship to the U.S. and my search ended. I caught a somebodies attention when I commented on a post detailing my short endeavor and the reason it came to a halt. I was PM'd and given the link to a vendor that shipped to my home country. For this I was very grateful. Fast forward several weeks and both my RC and a proper scale had arrived at my home. Last night I decided to have my first experience.
After weeks of reading on the subject my biggest question was: How much should I take for my first time and also experience strong effects? I decided 30mg would do it, but at the last minute someone responded to one of my comments and told me 25mg would be fine and that I was in for an experience. This was an understatement. 25mg it was. I licked my tweezers, dabbed a small grain on my tongue and waited 20-30 minutes to determine if I might be allergic and then weighed out my decided dose.
Not positive that I was *not* allergic, but sure enough, I stirred the powder into a small glass of cranberry juice and drank it. I waited.
With my Pink Floyd playlist going (first Dark Side, then The Wall, and finally Wish You Were Here) I wasn't quite sure what else to do. The thought of fiddling with video games or browsing the internet caused slight anxiety so I just alternated walking around my house and sitting on my bed. Approximately 30 minutes after I ingested I could feel myself coming up. Not quite giddiness, but restlessness. Halfway through Dark Side of the Moon I noticed the wall next to my bed appeared to be reflecting pale green light. The slight texture on the walls began to move. After this it became increasingly less gradual. *Us & Them* began to play and I felt as though I broke through a membrane of some kind. On the other side of this membrane my room was warm and happy. I couldn't help but smile. My initial focus was on the wall next to my bed. There was a tall lamp with an orange shade shining light on the wall. The wall was a mixture of colors. Green, orange, and blue. I was less focused on the music at this point, although it provided a nice atmosphere for what I was experiencing. I kept going under my blanket and letting the orange light from the lamp shine through it. It was like being in a womb of pulsating patterns. Very small and detailed patterns. Hard to describe. Very much like a mix of a paisley pattern and fractals. All moving and pulsating. I got lost under the blanket and was in complete and total awe of what I was experiencing. This next part is where things get hazy.
Pink Floyd's The Wall started to play. It was joyous. I would go into deep trances of thought, going through time into the past, experiencing pure emotion and past memories. I connected with each one of my family members and experienced things through their perspective with their feelings. My parents just got divorced and I visited a place full of feelings that stem from that event. It wasn't frightening, but sad and also full of love and happiness as I felt so much love for my family. When I would 'come to' I would examine my room and sing along with the music. That was very personal. It was like hearing the album for the first time all over again with a much deeper understanding of the lyrics. Several times I had to turn the volume up loud and bask in the sights and sounds, usually singing along. As I laid in bed the trances became longer and longer. I would come to and hear the music, but have no grasp on what point in the album I had come to. No matter how confused I was by this I could do nothing about it. I could only remain where I was and continue my journey through my thoughts. I began to wonder how long I had been writhing on my bed twisting through my head in seas of closed and open eyed visuals.
Once I had gotten well into the second disc of *The Wall* I was more conscious of my surroundings in that I was looking around and stuff, but it was like sensory overload. The open eyed visuals only got stronger as time went on and they were overwhelming. I began to feel hot and nauseated so I made my way outside. I had to tell myself that if I did want to vomit it would be okay. I knew that I was in no physical danger, but I was experiencing a very uncomfortable body load. Also, dizziness. I happened to get a text from my sister saying, 'Sup.' I called her immediately, but she didn't answer. I sent her a text saying I loved her with a :). I called her again and she answered. At the time I knew why I called her, but was embarrassed and ashamed. I felt foolish for taking as much as I did and not being able to go it alone. I didn't expect to get to this level and I wanted her to come over. Side note: She knew I had this stuff and is somewhat familiar with drugs. She expressed her distaste for my decision and expressed she was worried I would hurt myself or someone else under the influence of this drug. 'I hear stuff like that all the time.' she said. So she actually texted me that moment to say she wanted to be there with me when I tried it and was in the process of responding to my text when I called her. She answered and I told her I wanted her to come over. When she asked why I wasn't sure what to say so I didn't say anything. I was afraid to tell her I was in the throws of a powerful psychedelic. I didn't want her to be ashamed or angry. I took a moment trying to find the right words which ended up being the wrong words. I told her not to be mad at me, not to freak out, and that if she wanted to come over to not do so in an alarming manner. She took my being hesitant and short with words as me trying to hide something. She asked if my dad was okay and where was dad. I told he was where he always is that time of night, in bed asleep. That wasn't enough as she then momentarily assumed I had murdered my dad and started to bawl. She then caught me by surprise by saying she was sick of me doing this, tired of me using drugs, and that she never asked for me to call her or for me to do what I was doing. I was able to bring the tone of the conversation to a more calm state by explaining that everything was okay. She assumed something was not okay and I just explained that I was having a very intense experience. She said she was coming over. I said okay. She said okay. We both said goodbye and hung up.
I sat in my backyard waiting for her to arrive which seemed to take forever. The distant sounds from the highway took on strange tones. As I gazed into the sky I was captivated by one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
My sister arrived and even though I was looking directly at her her entire face looked distorted and melted. We had a small heart to heart where we shared our feelings with each other. She expressed how having not done any psychedelics before she had no point of reference and could not seem to forget the horror stories she had heard on television. She was scared, but seeing me at home now and having checked on my dad she was able to calm down. I wanted to share my experience with her, but had a hard time speaking and when I did have something formulated in my head I refrained from sharing as I thought her momentary fear and sobriety would not allow her to appreciate what I was saying. I felt foolish and childish. Even so I was able to sputter out fragmented sentences and eventually started to feel very tired and that I might be able to fall asleep. She said she was going back to her apartment to finish getting ready for bed and then come back to my house to sleep. As she left my Pink Floyd playlist tapered off, finishing with Shine On You Crazy Diamond parts VI-IX. It lulled me into a trance and I spent the rest of the night with my lamp turned off and in total silence. I don't know how long I continued tripping before I finally fell asleep. Constantly journeying through my thoughts and consciousness behind my closed eyes.
I woke up around 7am and was back to baseline. I took a quick stroll through the house to check on my sister and my dad and then went back to sleep.
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