DOSE:

1 bowl

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 5x)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

January 2nd, probably around 8-10pm, I had been in a melancholic/negative mood for the past few days and thought doing salvia might jolt me out of it. I had always been very careful and thought it out carefully how I would take salvia the times before when I had taken it, but this was more of a spur of the moment type thing and I just decided to do it, didn't measure out how much I was taking, and didn't bother to try to meditate/clear my mind before the big inhale... I simply packed a large amount of the 5x I had left and lit it up while sitting on my living room floor.

I very distinctly remember having a fast heart rate right before I sucked it in and I remember having a hard time keeping myself from coughing. I took it all in, put down the pipe, and laid back on my back. Here's where it gets fun. I don't even remember exhaling, and the first thing I do remember is trying to make sense of what 'I' even was. According to Daniel Siebert's scale, I definitely was in the Level 6-Amnesic Effects level for a bit. My wife was present during all of this, and she said later that she had never been more scared around me ever. Apparently I was moving around and contorting my body into strange and painful stress positions, with my eyes completely open, and at one point was staring straight at her and baring my teeth....weird. I don't remember any of this and when I finally 'came to' in the trip sense I was in a very strong Level 5-Immaterial existence state, I had no sense of my body, my ego, who I was, or where I was. I was simply a point of awareness in a timeless state. The way salvia works, everything happens very fast; I come up really fast and my ego starts trying to take control real fast as I come down. My ego was trying desperately to figure out what the hell was going on. And apparently my eyes were open the entire time, according to my wife. It's hard to put into words exactly what I was seeing, but it felt like my 'awareness' was part of this vast ocean of awareness, and I could see my unique place in space having tendrils branch out to all these other 'points'.

At some point I began to become aware of a physicality to whatever 'I' was. It began as a pressure point, that later turned into the spot right above the center of my eyebrows on my forehead (the third eye). The pressure intensified and everything seemed to be flowing into and out of this one point. At the time I didn't realize 'I' even had a forehead so it was just a sensation that was delocalized from a physical body.

Eventually my physical body started to come into play; I slowly felt all parts of me come back into existence and I had to figure out what a hand was and the difference between that and my foot. All of this started taking place very rapidly, but the weird thing about it compared to other salvia trips I had, was that it lasted longer, it took a much longer time for everything to make sense and I remember so much more of this trip than previous ones. I started to see with my actual eyes again, and my wife came into view. I realized that she was like me, but she still didn't have a gender, I was genderless as well. The first thing I was able to blurt out and make sense of the language we use was 'We have a cat don't we?' I had sensed Leo, our cat's presence in my vicinity but I didn't really understand the concept of 'we' and 'cat' at the moment I said it. I just intuitively felt his presence.

At this point, my wife came over and sat near me and was asking me if I was OK. I just stared at her for a bit and slowly started to make sense of the separation between my own self and her own self and her own personality. At some point I realized that I was in a relationship with her and that I was a male human being. It was at this point that I realized the orientation of my body relative to the room and the earth. I was sitting on my knees at this point with my hands on the floor. My sense of up and down had been messed up though, and it felt as if the floor was running straight up and down, if that even makes sense. My ego was also strongly kicking in at this point and my memories of my life and all that had happened rushed back to me. My sense of time came back to me as well, and it was one of the first things I asked my wife. I asked her 'How long had it been since I inhaled the salvia until I'm talking to you now?' I was shocked and terrified when she told me it had been around 7-10 minutes. I felt like an eternity had passed over me, and it felt as if I had existed outside of our sense of time for a millennia. She then asked me again if I was OK, and I kept saying that I had lost my mind and that I was going to be locked up. It was basically my ego having a freak out. I really did feel like though that I had broken my own brain and that I was now psychotic/schizo/whatever... This feeling finally went away and then started the dialogue that I had with my wife about what I had seen, what I felt about it all, and how it had changed my perspective on life in general.

One of the first things I kept stressing to her over and over again was the sense of pressure and that everything flows out of that space between and right above one's forehead. It was at this moment of telling her this that I realized it was my third eye/pineal gland that had been activated. I was completely blown away. I thought I had had a breakthrough on salvia before, but I hadn't. I had only come close. I definitely had a breakthrough on it this time. I had complete ego loss, complete loss of this reality that we live in, and I had seen behind the mechanism of reality. There was no sense of spiritual/sacredness to it. It was very mechanical. It was as if something had smashed my third eye and literally just pried it open to show me how our reality is put together.

Here's the big overwhelming feeling that I had from all of this: we literally are all ONE. There is no separation between you, me, my wife, and all the other 6-7 billion people on this planet. At the unconscious level we are literally 'god', we create our own reality, and time is only an illusion. In fact, it felt as if our own physical world was an illusion. The 'real' was what existed in the space that I saw while I was way up on salvia. I also formed the idea during this reflective stage that the spark of life that animates us and ignites our DNA inside of us is like the electrical energy that flows from a battery. I used the analogy that a car will only run if it has a battery, but it doesn't have to be a unique battery. For example, you can take the battery out of a car and the car will not be able to run. You can then place a different battery from another car in that same car and it will run again. That's how I think we may operate, and it may also explain past life regression to an extent... I had this overwhelming feeling that that pure 'awareness' I felt could have easily gone into somebody else. For example, my life spark that drives my body right now could have gone into somebody else while I was up on salvia. I hope this is making sense, because it's really hard for me to put into words and explain. It's like the vessel of our bodies (our arms, legs, heart, lungs, stomach, even our brain) has cell memory to it, so our brain cells record what happens during this bodies lifetime; our memories of childhood, how we learned to walk, how we learned to speak a language, our ability to play an instrument, ride a bike, etc. But the 'spark' that drives all of it, the electrical energy that flows through us, is what I think I experienced with the simple awareness I felt. And that awareness is connected through all of us at all times.

I also really feel like the pineal gland is the gateway between these two realms, the 'spark' realm and our physical world (including our own bodies/brain). As I was coming down, I felt this immense pressure in the middle of my forehead that felt like it ran deep inside my head, right where my pineal gland is. The whole experience completely shook up my idea of reality and time. It did give me a sense of peace and well being afterwards, but as it's happening it can be very confusing and somewhat terrifying. I truly do feel that the best part of salvia is the revelations that come to me while I'm coming down off of it. I'm just glad my wife was around to talk to about it, the more I talked about it out loud the more I was able to get deeper into the ideas I was having about it.

I really felt like all of this stuff we go through on a daily basis doesn't matter AT ALL. The stuff that does matter are the relationships that we form with others and the connectedness. But as with all trips, it also brings up lots more questions than answers... I've also been reading/watching stuff lately on more quantum physics topics and what they're talking about and what I experienced aren't too far off.. The problem I'm having is if we really are 'god', if we really are creating this reality every step of the way, what's the point?? Enjoyment?? Fun?? Euphoria?? Obviously having negative experiences is bad, so why do we do things on a daily basis that we don't want to do...????

I did leave lots of details out of the descriptions of some of it. Definitely one of the strangest/strongest trips I've ever had.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96336
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Oct 28, 2020	Views: 1,054
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)