DOSE:

15-20 mg

oral

Amphetamines

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

230 lb

I am forty one years old and I have never taken an illegal drug in my life. I drank alcohol when I was under age and I have taken prescription drugs only when prescribed by a doctor.

I have always been overweight. At first, when I was a child I was just a little chubby. I played soccer and did track in High School, existing at 160lbs which was actually just about right for me, at 5'7. It might have been on the heavier side of normal from other team mates/students but I had very muscular legs and was healthy. I went to college and was in ROTC, which required I go to physical training three times a week. Once a month we had to have a PT test which included running, push ups and sit ups. I loved it an eventually dropped to 140lbs. I ended up having to drop out of college for financial reasons. Though I thought about enlisting in the Army because of my positive experiences with ROTC I ultimately ended up finding a full time job instead.

That is when I started getting depressed. To feel better I would eat, sweets are my downfall but I sought comfort in anything I could eat. I remember when a friend came back home from school after not seeing each other for several months, he asked me if I had been eating a lot. It was obvious I had been as I had gained about 30lbs and I am sure he didn’t mean it in a mean way, just concerned but I felt ashamed I had lost control and I ended up just avoiding seeing him for a long time after that.

I remember certain weights and sizes I have been. I remember when I had to start buying size 20 pants, officially plus size! I remember thinking I wouldn't get any bigger than size 20 but then came 22, 24 and finally 26. I have been very lucky and have not experienced any horrible side effects of the weight gain, I do not have diabetes, my cholesterol is below normal and I am fully mobile. I see people smaller than me who have physical problems caused by weight and I get terrified. I do not want to be dependent on someone because of my lack of control with food. I was briefly on Paxil in 2000 when my mother was dying, I lost some weight taking that but the side effects were unbearable for me. I stopped taking it. I was looking into Lap Band surgery and hated the thought of something artificial inside me, banding my stomach because I am so weak about food.

Finally, I found out a coworker sold Adderall. I had read about the weight loss properties of Adderall and researched it. I finally decided to buy some and try Adderall for the first time four months ago. I am in love. I never think about food now. I know it is a crutch and I fear that if I stop taking Adderall I will gain the weight back.

To rationalize taking a drug illegally I have made a deal with myself. I will only take Adderall if I work out and watch what I eat. As I started out taking it only to lose weight I don’t allow myself to take the pill and not work out. The effects have been amazing. I have lost almost 35lbs, though I think I would probably have lost more except I am doing cardio and weights and my once muscular legs have started to reappear. I consume about 800 calories a day and sometimes that is a struggle. Some days I don’t even want to think about food. Nothing will appeal to me and most food will make me sick to think about. Although some might think this is unhealthy it has given me an appreciation of portion control. Additionally, I have to make sure the 800 calories I consume are actually good for me, so I eat very limited sweets and eat a lot of protein and fresh fruits and vegetables. I know what you may be thinking; why not just do that in the beginning? I honestly couldn’t. Food was a constant “dark passenger” tempting me and guiding me.

The other side effects of Adderall have also been positive. I am more productive at work, I have more confidence and I contribute more. I have so much energy I look for extra projects to do. I honestly have not seen one negative side effect of Adderall.

I usually take about 20mgs a day, sometimes 15mgs. The problem being that my coworker doesn’t always have the same dosages to sell. Sometimes I get 30 mgs XR which I open up and only take half, sometimes she has 25 mgs XR which I do the same with and sometimes she has 30 mgs of the regular tablets which are not time released. I like the time released the best as they last longer.

I don’t know how long I will take Adderall. I started hoarding it a little in fear that my supplier will run out or change jobs or just not have any. I have not increased my dosage much though I guess it is not too scientific to pour out half a capsule, some days I am sure I take a few salts more than others but the effects have always been the same and I have not felt the need to double my dosage or re-dose or anything like that. I have had the same amount of energy, concentration and appetite control from day one through today, again about four months.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96344
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 41
Published: Sep 10, 2018	Views: 1,545
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Amphetamines (6) : Glowing Experiences (4), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)