Hard Lesson Learned the Hard Way.
Citation: drakaris. "Hard Lesson Learned the Hard Way.: An Experience with DMT (exp96585)". Erowid.org. Jan 10, 2019. erowid.org/exp/96585
I have 'used' Dmt many times. I have used many drugs many times and they have used me equally as many times; that being said, I am a very experienced Psychonaut. This experience happened due to silliness and arrogance and for both of these I payed the price two fold.
At the time of the experience I had just come home from having what ill call a DMT party. I had scored a large quantity of it (about a Gram) and because its DMT, I feel that it should be given away rather then traded or sold. All day I had been surrounded by people under the influence each one taking their turn one at a time and as such I had my own 'need' to at least take a small journey into the world of DMT.
I arrived home around 3 am and took the bowl that had been used all day by various people for many great experiences and loaded what I would call a museum dose into it. My intentions were to go into a mildly psychedelic state and meditate before bed. The chemical had other intentions however. I was alone, laying on a small bed in my basement when I took the hit. Immediately, I knew that this was no museum dose by the taste and that familiar though of 'oh well, here we go' popped into my brain.
The sound of plastic being torn shot through my head and then the familiar shaking woosh blew up in front of me and so did my ego. Quite quickly I was removed from reality, removed from my basement and my body. My eyes could have been open or closed at this point, honestly at that much of a dose it doesn't matter. I was thrown into a very nightmarish area in a matter of seconds. My brain had been split into infinite pieces. It wouldn't be accurate to say that I saw all of this though it was as real as anything you see every day, it is truly better to say it was an experience. It was as though my mind had become a fractal with each span and section managing a different function, each one computing a mathematical equation beyond that of human comprehension. One part for a piece of muscle to push the blood through a part of my heart, another collective of pieces to regulate each section of my digestive tract, and infinitely more parts to slowly preform the action of simply laying on a bed. The familiar self-transforming machine elves appeared in the space I was in and were pointing and laughing. It wasn't a happy experience to my brain to see and hear this, this time around. At this point I may have blacked out or been overwhelmed by pure horror or imagery. When I came to I was still heavy under the influence but not peaking any longer. Slowly, I found a part of my brain (a large part) that was filled with trepidation and regret for trying to be narcissistic enough to see a museum dose. At that point it was as though I had accepted death and all its ugly facets and finally things became more benevolent.
When I came out of it, my pants looked more like camo then cargo but I knew I had survived the experience. I realized my error very quickly then; the bowl must of have been caked with dmt from earlier that day.
This experience was horrifying and absolutely shocking but at the same time I am glad it happened. I am glad that I was so humbled by this teacher and that I would never take anything for granted again. I have not had a panic attack since (I had chronic panic attacks almost daily since I was 16.) and I still feel as though I have accepted death.
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