DOSE:

1 hit

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

Ineffable Experience

First of all what I’m about to write is not to push my beliefs or point of view although my experience has greatly affirmed what I believe in. In 2010 I went to a small festival in the village of Val, I had taken psychedelics before but the stuff that was going around this time was far more powerful than I could ever have imagined possible. I was not actually intending on taking drugs anymore but due to the circumstances and the relaxed vibe and all I decided to join in, the [Mad Hatter] LSD I got was cheap so I expected it just to make the party a bit more interesting and have a bit of a buzz . A few friends and I each took a dose but my friend and I having experience in psychoactive substances took half a dose more than the rest.

Usually LSD takes 30 to 45 minutes to start kicking in, this time however we started feeling the effects after 15 minutes and we realised soon that this was something very different. In the beginning of the trip we decided to eat something knowing that in the middle of a trip it can be hard eating because of the senses going a bit AWOL, but even after only 15 minutes we could not get the food down, the French fries felt like they were squirting all their oil into our mouths and we could feel the oil running down our throats, we quickly abandoned the idea of eating anything and met up with our other friends who were also showing signs of slight paranoia. We decided to sit in a circle and meditate in order to calm down but this also didn’t help, the trip was getting stronger with each second and our bodies and minds didn’t quite know what to do, we tried a bunch of different things to distract us and stimulate our brains positively.

At one point we we all huddled into a tent trying to find a comfort zone from the frightening outside world (I found out later that I was the only one really freaking out, he others by this point had mastered their trip and were enjoying it). The tent helped for a bit until the paranoia entered the tent and I started even to fear my friends, their warped faces and loud distorted voices were making me very scared for some reason, possibly I was scared of what sometimes happens on acid, like wild orgies or complete loss of control, I was terrified of this loss of control and started to believe that I had no control over the situation or over my actions. I quickly got out of the tent and was confronted with really dark music playing from someone car next to our camp site, there were a few very negative characters playing Marilyn Manson's music, seemingly to bring the mood down or something. Immediately, thinking I have no control over my thoughts or my body the music turned into horrible shapes of demons and fire and monsters everywhere, I began to really freak out. My friends tried to calm me down and comfort me but at that point they too had become part of this horrible world outside of myself, which I was convinced was trying to destroy my soul, I felt like the only sane person although in actual fact I had lost it. I was looking around myself seeing people do things that didn’t make sense, why are people sleeping, why are they eating, what is the point! Why can't they just BE. I was screaming at my friends and was pushing very negative vibes thinking they had some terrible intentions with me, even my closest friend whom I love and trust with my life couldn’t calm me and I was afraid of him.

I ran into another tent that was empty telling myself I should just sit this thru, that the acid will wear off and everything will be ok. That tent turned into my own mental hell, I was being ripped apart by my own fear and I was experiencing horrible pain and suffering, it felt as if my bones wanted to grow out of my body. This madness went so far until I completely lost my mind and found myself drifting in a complete empty space, complete blank. I could see the world around me but nothing made sense, even my hands didn’t make sense, I couldn’t understand air, or very basic things, like I lost all memory of life. At this point I understood what it meant to truly loose your mind, I felt I could understand all crazy people on earth, what they must be going thru. Then the fear came that I might have turned some kind of switch in my brain and that I will stay like this even after the trip, I thought I would have to try explain to the people I live with, my parents, that I took some bad drugs and have gone crazy and that I would have to spend years in a mental institution and possibly die from all the medication they gave me.

I then tried to communicate with the people around me begging that someone take me home or call an ambulance or something, but no one wanted to help me (of course I understand this now, I was just someone having a bad trip and you don’t really call someone parents when you and they are on acid) so I started thinking of a plan, I must get away from this place, then like basic 2D animations I started to see things, like concepts. I was thinking of walking home which would probably take a week and I'd have to walk thru Johannesburg. This thought brought the question what are the dangers of that, I could die I thought, what is death? Then I saw visions of death, I saw planet earth with billions of little people walking over it from one side to the next, I saw spirits behind these people, I saw how the spirits were given bodies to walk on earth and live, I saw how when they reached the end, the body dies and the spirit was released. Then it was like taking a step back and looking at the whole picture, I saw how the spirits are part of one huge spirit in the centre of everything, I couldn’t quite look at this great spirit, it was like I was not permitted to look at it in this state but I was aware of it. It was god, a vast spirit made up of pure love, happiness and peace. Then looking back at my environment I saw time from the outside, I was not affected by it but I could watch it work. I was drifting in a state of eternity, no time at all and all time in one, every second of all existence was in one moment and could be seen from the outside. I saw time passing like frames in a movie, I was staring at this moment but I could see in my peripheral vision, the next frame and the previous one.

Seeing all this I sought comfort in my belief of Christ and I looked back in time and I saw in basic images how many frames of moments ago this major great spirit took on a body like ours of its own, very humble and perfect at the same time. This person was Jesus, walking across earth teaching people how to live, in peace, love and happiness and always connected to the Great Spirit, Jesus created a bridge for us, that by overcoming the layers of the ego and given up completely one could be set free from the ignorant mind trying to please itself with its identity on earth and in the process destroying its environment and the people around it. Seeing all this affirmed gave me great comfort and also seeing that there is no hell, that when the body dies the spirit is simply there where it has always been, with God. Then a bit relaxed I turned to the familiar faces around me and tried to understand what they are, what are they doing and why? Still not understanding that I was one of these characters myself. My friend offered me some Hookah (flavoured tobacco smoked thru a water pipe) I reluctantly accepted the pipe and watching the others I tried it for myself, the cool flavoured vapour entered my lungs and gave my body satisfaction, then suddenly another wave of realisations overcame me, feeling and tasting the smoke I realised why we are here. We have senses, hearing, taste, feeling, sight and smell, the Great Spirit created us out of love to experience this reality made for us, the earth is our playground filled with wonders and sights smells feelings ect. We are here to experience, to grow, live, interact with our bodies and voices and hands and feet, to create art and music and colour and enjoy our existence peacefully with all our brothers and sisters and in respect of our home planet.

At that point, maybe 5 hours into the trip, it was as if my entire vision got turned away from the blank empty confusion of madness and turned towards reality , I saw visions of this reality and the spiritual. The spiritual realm or heaven as we call it was absolutely beautiful, it was just endless shapes and colours and psychedelic clouds of information every spinning and moving and swirling, each one of these shapes was affecting something in our reality in the universe, like one shape cause a particle of dust in the universe to move, so yeah there was a lot to see. I saw how all the spirits in existence, here or there were connected to each one of these moving shapes, meaning in the spiritual realm our spirits are connected to all the energy in existence and we can feel it and be aware of it, every question has a answer before asking it. Then in order to experience life in our universe our spiritual sight of everything is funnelled into human eyes and all the senses so that we can live and grow and influence things around us, it seemed that the reason for this existence would be to experience and live happily always connected to our creator thru the bridge he gave us, thru ultimate love peace and happiness. Understanding all this was like a huge awakening, I was overcome with extreme excitement, I was back in this reality knowing all these things and experiencing it for the first time, we started playing music, and for the first time I was playing my own beats on a drum, I realised that our bodies are like avatars driven by our spirits, or like human being machines, carefully designed for this reality to basically have a good time. Everything made so much sense now why people do the things they do, I could see how sad it was how some people miss the point of life by satisfying their egos with drugs, sex, power and money.

I started walking around and it was as if those were my first steps, like I was trying to operate this complex machine. The grass under my feet was a complete new feeling, in fact feeling itself was new and it was absolutely fascinating and enjoyable. I had a sip of wine and felt it go into my body and cause certain effects to my machine. I realised music entering my ears, being translated into rhythm which pulsated thru my body causing it to move happily. It was like being a baby with a full consciousness. I looked around me at the kaleidoscope shapes happening everywhere still from the acid, and it was like I was looking at things I saw all the time but only fully appreciated now, like a flower growing and moving and changing, it felt like this is what you have been seeing but look closer and see how beautiful it actually is. I looked at trees and saw them not as my limited human brain sees and tries to label things, it wasn’t a tree it was this amazing organic THING growing out of our home planet, giving fruit and shade and wood. I saw how amazingly beautiful my friends were and understood that “friends” are just other spirit driven avatars that have decided to enjoy life with you, enjoy the walk. I kept on apologizing to them that I had earlier screamed at and feared, but now understood. Life had been made so simple and easy to understand, there were no more missions, just walk thru life and enjoy, no need to spend life working, simply trust in the creators providence and walk thru life enjoying, creating, playing music and doing art and enjoying, but of course with respect. Knowing not to get lost in the pleasures of life as the ego driven ones do and thus causing harm to themselves and others and our planet.

The rest of the trip went on beautifully and was just a celebration of life, the reggae band playing music then made so much sense, they were full of peace and love and were actually just trying to spread inspiration to live a healthy and happy life and to be at peace with those around you and always stay connected to Jah. Living like this I realised is perfect, with god as the provider one can truly simply travel and experience and help others and spread love, peace and happiness and awareness of course. Yeah that is my ineffable experience, it took me years actually afterwards to fully understand it and put the pieces together and live happily and simply. A main question afterwards was, what are psychedelics here for? My uncertain conclusion is that they are very powerful medicines, not to be played with, but meant for those who miss the point of life, perhaps like a reminder. But I think understanding all these things one should not take these medicines, its like taking painkillers although one has no headache. These things are for the sick and if taken too much could end up in a disconnection from this reality and inability to communicate with others and altho drifting in full understanding of everything, missing the point of life, we are not meant to know all of this all the time, otherwise there would be no point of life, growing, experiencing, influencing.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 96975
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jan 10, 2021	Views: 600
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