Unlocking Doors in the Mind
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by Respondent 22
From Ecstasy.org Collection
Citation:   Respondent 22. "Unlocking Doors in the Mind: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp96996)". Erowid.org. Jul 23, 2012. erowid.org/exp/96996

 
DOSE:
  oral MDMA


Effect of Ecstasy on writing and Unlocking doors in the mind

I remember once you asked if I wrote any differently before and after I started taking ecstasy. I think I have, although it's difficult to explain. I decided not to judge it on my writing about ecstasy.

I was going to say that my writing has become more positive. It did for a while, but I think being negative is too natural a state of mind for me. Actually I think - oddly enough - when I write deliberate prose it reads more smoothly, and I am also more able to write prose than before. When I write poetry it's more fragmented, more staggered, less logical somehow. I think I prefer it like that.

I guess I'm negative because I'm still trapped in circumstances beyond my control.

But although events in my life didn't change, I perceive them in a different light, this time I see life with Hope. The hope doesn't come from looking forward to the
wonderful sense of peace that the ecstasy experience brings, but by what I have discovered in my own mind through the use of ecstasy. It has helped me do what I've been longing to do for a while: unlock certain doors in my mind, which have been kept shut by upbringing and society. Despite this I am still very much within the power and hold of people who try to assert to me that these mental excursions are wrong, whatever that means. My sorrow nowadays is no longer a dreadful despondency about myself, but rather about the rest of the world, why they won't see and what it's costing them.

All right, what it's costing me too, I suppose.

A 22 year old English graphic designer

Exp Year: 1999ExpID: 96996
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: 22 
Published: Jul 23, 2012Views: 2,614
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MDMA (3) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)

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