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The Pure Intense Fear of This Empty Eternity
Nitrous Oxide, MDMA & Alcohol
Citation:   Marie. "The Pure Intense Fear of This Empty Eternity: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide, MDMA & Alcohol (exp97079)". Feb 18, 2020.

  repeated oral MDMA
    repeated oral Alcohol
    inhaled Nitrous Oxide
Scary Nitrous Oxide Trip

It had been an allnighter of MDMA and alcohol and when we got home at around 7AM nitrous oxide whippets were pulled out. Around 7 of us were all in a bedroom and I was laying on a bed when we all inhaled the balloons at the same time. We breathed in and out into the balloons untill all the nitrous oxide was gone.

I remember finishing the balloon and closing my eyes and the typical wahwahwahwahwah noise was echoing through my head. Then I was gone. Literally gone, reality had disappeared, I had no memory or knowledge of the world as we know it I was in this completely empty space and the only thing that existed was my knowledge of the emptiness, and my knowledge that this was eternity. There was a sentence, of all random words, and it could be read backwards in the same way as it could forward and so when it reached the last word, it would repeat itself and it was trapped in this repeating cycle. It wouldn't stop, it couldnt, it went on forever, I was there forever.

Nothing else existed just this awful empty space with this unbearable repetitive sentence blaring into my head.
Nothing else existed just this awful empty space with this unbearable repetitive sentence blaring into my head.
It was as if I was SCREAMING to get out of this dimension but I wasnt because I didnt exist, and it was as if I was mentally suffocating with the knowledge that I was trapped here forever. You know when in the real world you hear something or experience something so shocking that you can barely breath. It was like that, the pure intense FEAR of this empty eternity.

Gradually I could hear the other people in the room asking if I was ok and I was slipping between reality and unreality. Eventually I woke up completely and looked at my friend, she asked me if I was ok and I had been lying there covering my face saying oh my god oh my god. I was dazed and scared. I felt sick with the fear of where I had just been.

I have never experienced something so scary in my whole entire life. It can only have lasted a few minutes but that is irrelevant because during it, I was there forever, and forever is FOREVER. The mind has no limits and one needs to be VERY careful with it because the fear is unimagineable. It was scarier than you can ever imagine and is as REAL as me typing this. Be careful with whatever you take EVEN nitrous!

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 97079
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Feb 18, 2020Views: 1,383
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Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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