Citation: Martin. "Infinite Ethereal Space: An Experience with Ketamine (exp97117)". Erowid.org. Jul 11, 2017. erowid.org/exp/97117
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
||(powder / crystals)
My experience with Ketamine:
So I had ordered two gram of ketamine from overseas to my friend and it arrived stealthily packaged in a gameboy cartridge. I went over to his place to pick up my half of it and brought it back to my hometown. I had approximately half a gram of it to share between two friends after selling some of it, and had discussed with them my intent to do it all with them. They complied in absolute excitement and we planned on the next day.
The next day came and my friend Erik and I drove out to my other buddyís house. We got there around 10 o'clock at night and were almost immediately ready to bust it out and bomb it. We split the ketamine into three large piles, and then divided it up further into two fat lines for each. My friend Tyler went first, snorting the crystalline shards through the nostrils of his material body. No reaction. My other buddy Erik went second, doing the same but no reaction after. I went last, and right after I ingested the said powder into my body, it hit me like WOAH!
We immediately attempted to leave my friend's apartment and go to the beach, like we had planned minutes before we took the k. My friend Tyler stood up, practically rolled his eyes to the back of his head, and stated clearly that he couldn't move and all he wanted to do was to lie down. This was literally within minutes after snorting it. My friend Erik and I attempted to make quick moves to prepare ourselves on going outside when our friend Tyler was simply weaning in and out of reality. We were standing by the door and BOOM! It started hitting us like a brick wall. Everything became extremely spaced out, my friends who were standing feet away from me felt like they were standing miles away. My friend Tyler proceeded to lie on his couch and I attempted to snap him out of it and pick him up so he could go, but he refused profusely. In short notice, Erik and I decided to leave this kid behind due to his own negligence and took off for the beach.
We walked down a flight of stairs and immediately everything felt COMPLETELY different. I started walking down a sidewalk toward the general direction of the beach and lost complete contact with my body. My limbs felt like they were just swaying around, in which I had no absolute control over. Almost as if my body had completely melted into my surrounding environment and I was just the witness of it happening. To be honest, I was surprised that I was even walking at all, and that task in itself seemed like a daunting task in which I had to completely let go of so that it could happen.
It is absurdly difficult to exactly express what I had experienced. My friend and I were walking down this sidewalk, in total the street is approximately a quarter of a mile long and it, for both of us, literally felt like it went on for miles and miles and that we had been walking on it for hours. Perception was seemingly blurred and I couldnít keep focus on anything once so ever. The body/environment duality didn't exist for as in the slightest bit and both of us were mumbling various words to each other, completely out of control of what we were saying but still making some sort of sense. We both melted into an infinite blend of reality, losing ourselves and hardly being able to carry out simple tasks like having a conversation or walking straight.
I saw a car and it was morphed into a discrete globular shape, depth perception practically didnít exist. I had this overwhelming sensation of floating outside my body, becoming aware of my body as if for the first time ever, and experiencing the third person point of view of it. Who was controlling it? Was this me? Who is it that is breathing? The answer could not be found. I cannot put enough emphasis on how long this lasted, it felt like an eternity had passed by when we made it to the end of the street and all Erik and I could do was to grin at the overall situation.
At the end of the street, we were disoriented to the sense that we just had no idea once so ever where we were, even though we had walked this same path hundreds of times in our lives. My friend Erik said that when we arrived at the corner, it finally clicked to him that we were on a college campus or something. As we walked on, our sense of identities were thoroughly swept off our backs and we were asking very elementary questions like, 'who am i?', 'where am i?', and 'what is reality?' Our minds were ultimately blown out of the water and we were for the first time comprehending how hard of questions these really were in the scope of what lied all around us, infinite space.
We walked through a parking lot and my friend found himself sitting on a curb. Him sitting there, I decided to join him and the ground felt like it was an inch from where I was standing. I managed to manipulate my body just in the right way to sit down as well, although very seemingly difficult. We began to conjure up positive feelings of our friendship; how we were both glad we were experiencing this extremely heavy trip together. Perception was weaving and blurring, almost on the level of being extremely drunk but still having a somewhat clear-mind to make something of it. It was exceptionally difficult to get up, as we decided to make further way to the beach. We both had no semblant ideas of where we were or what exactly was happening. I had some sort of idea, but it was rather unclear for some reason. Reality just appeared as a jumbled whole of energy that I couldn't make much sense out of at all, and yet here I was trying to direct my energy through it with my good friend struggling just the same. We somehow managed to make our way to a bench, where I entered the infamous k-hole.
My vision tunnel-visioned and there was absolutely no sense of who I was and where I was in my mind. The 'I' that usually appears so prevalent in my waking life was no-where to be found. That 'I' was unconditionally gone. I lost perception of my senses to the degree where you could potentially consider me entering into a dimension not dissimilar to death. The best way I could describe it really was that I was just gone, not entirely there at all, almost as if discovering the 'I' that society and culture put so much emphasis on is indescribably an illusory concept of mind that has no actual validity in reality. I was waking up to this fact. As we sat there on this bench, we began to ponder the immaculate design of the universe and how we weren't nearly apart from it at all. How we were less of ourselves and more of just reality in its entirety, with no division between self and other. Our minds had exploded to the 10th power and there was no longer any semblant person there identifying themselves as so and so or with this and that. It was all just pure, lucid, and clear space that was.
After a few minutes of this, which again felt like a life-time, we made our way down this small hill onto a beach. Again, we found it exceedingly difficult to properly adjust our bodies for the rough terrain. Somehow we managed to make it 30 steps before I gave out and landed in the millions of commendable fine-grained sand particles, which were somehow holding my body from falling deep into the earth. This amazed my mind tremendously. My friend Erik made it a few steps ahead of me to this small forest that lied between both of us. We ended up just lying there for a while, I couldn't see him and he couldn't see me and we couldn't manage to even find each other even though we were feet apart. He spoke and it seemed like he was speaking from no-where at all, maybe from the trees, or the ground or the plants, I couldnít make anything of it and it seemed like it was just through clear and empty space.
My perceptions began to become slightly more tuned, as I had begun to perceive cosmic infinity and my inseparability from it. I had felt like the universe was a small fraction of what was within me, and that I was ginormous, whole, and rounded. I sat up to appreciate the overall sense of oneness I was feeling, glad that I had shed my identity, temporarily albeit, and was experiencing what I consider this sense of grace in my life. I was beginning to realize how insane most people's perspectives are and how no-one is looking at the grander picture of reality. All these people concerned with petite dramas while here I was feeling infinite in size, how small of matters these people's minds are absorbed in!!!
I sat in pure bliss of what I was experiencing, no division or sense of separation between me and infinite space. The 'I' that normally is was humbled out of its illusory existence and I sat there with all that is, peacefully. I started to realize how insane our culture is, how we are practically no-where in the universe and somehow we have managed to live our lives in an ultimate sense of fear and discontentment. How absurd!!!
I kept watching the waves rolling into the beach, thinking of each wave as a generation of people that came and got wiped out back into the tide. My mind was being warped to experience reality in the sense that everything is just a wave or whorl in the ultimate sea of consciousness, and the sea was all that reality was in truth. That we decimate things as being things when in truth they are just aspects and facts of the sea, that all people's worries and concerns were in truth over something that had no substance once so ever, like a whorl or wave in a sea that is in truth just the sea and us pretending it to be more. I began to feel infinite consciousness, to see how small my person really is and how large his world sometimes can seem. I was just awed at the perception of how true I was seeing reality, as if for the first time in my life.
My friend and I quickly awoke from our short slumber of consciousness on the beach and decided we should try to go for a swim. So we took our shirts off and ran into the giant lake that stood before us (one of the greats!) There, we shot off into infinite space again, where I could not distinguish the water from space and although we were swimming in 5 feet of water, it felt that it went down for miles on end. The best word I can describe what we were feeling was complete suspended spacelessness. Again, we lost ourselves into the abyss of infinite space with no layer of self to be considered. The effect would only increase exponentially as we closed our eyes and swam underwater. Surprisingly, the feeling of not having a single clue of where you are is amazingly freeing. From out of the blue, we saw another being run into the lake, thinking it may be our lost long friend that couldn't make it a few steps on our journey. We saw the body disappear and I had thought that it was our good friendís time of death. I scurried over, realizing how ultimately within the sea of consciousness a death doesnít mean much as it is only a short frame of energy twisting, but there I scurried still afraid for my friendís life. On closer look though, it was some random being taking a swim at 1:30 in the morning with us. I had a feeling to share with him everything I had just experienced, but decided against it as in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't have mattered much at all, the very realization that I had already made.
We swam around for probably 30 minutes and we slowly weaned out of our k experience, already reflecting on what we had experienced. We decided to make way back to see how our friend's trip went and off we were. The walk back seemed like minutes, in opposition to the hours we were practically frozen in time with on the way to the beach. Somewhat relieved of this, we made it to his place quite swiftly. We rang the bell and his roommate let us in recollecting what he had witnessed our friend experience.
Our friend made it 4 feet and stumbled onto the couch, laid there and grunted for seemingly long. He then proceeded to try to lay down somewhere else and he recounted that he was swimming in the infinite layers of just one blanket he had. He said that he laid there experiencing the infinite space like us, to the point where his body was just blocks of pixels appearing to drift away from his body. His roommate accounted to helping him, as he was grunting a lot and mumbling obscene words, eventually puking. From my friends end, he was caught in a rift of time and space and couldn't tell if he was going to make his way out of it. To him, time escalated to the point where he didn't think he was going to be back anytime soon and he should just experience the void in which he was now apart of.
Erik sat down for a while and I laid consciously staring at the fabric of my friendís couch stretch out forever. He abruptly decided to drive home, and without better situation, I had decided to join him where we recollected what we experienced in our trips. We were both speaking of them as if they had happened weeks ago, albeit in reality it was no more than a few hours ago. We noted how strange the sensation was to being completely dissociated from your body, simply hovering over it and realizing the futility of having an identity. We both experienced the amazing blend of reality between self and other and were overall very happy with our experiences. He dropped me off and I spoke from my heart to my mother who was seemingly awake and wandering about my house at 4 in the morning due to intense asthma. In the back of my mind, I realized the unreality of this 'world', as all ultimately is waves and whorls as forms of expression in the sea of consciousness. I took a shower, laid in the bath and went to sleep happily.
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