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My Life Is Forever Changed
by HGT
Citation:   HGT. "My Life Is Forever Changed: An Experience with DMT (exp97135)". Erowid.org. Feb 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/97135

2 hits smoked DMT


Iíll give you a context of the situation before I start the actual trip report. I was in my living room with three other people, e, s, and j. E is my best friend and j and s were somewhat new in my life, but I feel very comfortable and safe around them. J and s are also dating. J and S have done DMT before, but this was my first time.

I was incredibly nervous and was hoping one of them would do it first, but neither of them wanted to because S wanted J to do it with her, but J didn't feel it was calling to him on that day. This specific batch of DMT was dirtier from what I had been producing before, but I had a decent amount of it.

I was in my living room on the couch, and meditated for a bit before I hit it for the first time as hard I could and it was like a wave of relaxation, tingling, and just foreign in general. I liked it, but at the same time it was scary.
I liked it, but at the same time it was scary.
My friends who had done it had both seen their veins through their skin whenever they broke through, so another friend of mine (s) said I could see my veins because I was looking at my leg, so I told her no, there were pink clouds in my body, everywhere. I assumed the trip would rush over me so I waited before I took another hit, then it didnít, so I tried to hit it again, but the lighter was busted. I told my friend (e) where to get a lighter and she grabbed it and gave it to me, then I hit it again, as long as I could and then it rushed at me, i set the pipe down as carefully as I could and laid back then I started losing connection to reality.

I felt the need to lay down, so I did. I closed my eyes, and I entered somewhere else. A whole new realm. All of this is so hard to describe, but I'm doing my best. What I entered was nothing, I was just floating, I had left my body as a ball of energy. I didn't really know what to make of it so I was sort of afraid, but I wasn't at the same time, then as I went farther and farther into where I was going, there were these arrows, poles, I guess beams of light. I don't know what to make of them. They were pointing in every direction, yet separate. If I watched it point in a certain direction, all the others would be removed from my vision, but they were still there. It was separate dimensions I guess.

Then I saw Dexter, from the tv show. He represented Dexter, but it wasn't necessarily him. I think it has a lot to do with my step dad, who has terrorized my family. He beat me for four years, and just recently, my family found out he had molested my older sister while she was in fifth grade. Sheís eighteen now. Dexter represented all the emotions he's put me through and put my family through. We're finally moving out so it was almost like closure because in the show Dexter killed people like that, and now that I'm moving, he's being removed from my life. It was definitely closure, and although I had no body, I kind of hugged dexter. I don't know what to make of what happened between us, but we connected and he sort of signaled that closure. That happened, so I continued to explore 'hyperspace' or the other realm, or whatever. At one point I cracked open my eyes and I saw tons of colors, but it was a bit overwhelming, so I closed my eyes again. I remember that even though I was in this separate dimension, I was still connected to reality. I kept trying to move my hair out of my face, but it seemed impossible. I also heard them talking and asked them to quiet down a bit. I also heard a knocking sound, but it was my dog jumping against my screen door. As soon as my eyes were closed I was still in that dimension and I was so confused and I kept watching the light beams. Then I started to fade away from my trip, or at least that dimension. I sat up feeling like the trip was starting to fade, then suddenly gasped for breath as I snapped back to the real world and felt the impact of all that happened.

I instantly started bauling. S was right next to me, so I asked her if I could hug her and did so. I told everyone there that every time I felt like crying, I just couldnít, and there I was bauling my eyes out and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I told e that I wished I could share the feeling with her just because of how amazingly loving and gifted I felt. She has a very different opinion on psychedelics than I do, but after talking with her later I agreed that itís not something she should do, but at the time I really wanted her to feel what I was feeling. I started telling everyone around me that I loved them, and I hugged e and told her I loved her more than she'll ever understand. E is my best friend in the whole world, and that means a lot considering every other friend Iíve gotten really close to ended up fucking me over. I was still tripping, just not visually. It was like shedding a skin I've been wearing all my life and letting every positive emotion flow out of me. I couldn't stop crying, it was like the world was so beautiful and ready for me.

I laid down on the floor with a blanket and asked e to cuddle with me as I bauled and I was talking about how I felt I've been hiding from everyone, and I meant like emotionally.
I was talking about how I felt I've been hiding from everyone, and I meant like emotionally.
My whole life Iíve been this sensitive loving little boy afraid to show it because of the terror I had for rejection, and now I feel like I can finally show my true emotions without being afraid of what comes after. I was rubbing eís skin because it felt so amazing, everything else I was touching wasnít alive, so I didnít have that connection, so feeling her skin against mine was almost spiritual. I told her that I hoped it wasnít weird and she kind of encouraged it so we cuddled as I cried. I felt connected to everything and anything. I felt free from my stepdad. It was like a new life. It was all so new, like I was transported to a new body, and a new house, but they were exactly the same. I then got up and laid down on the couch and e got up and sat at my feet. I told e to stop being sad (referring to a recent break up) because she's been given the amazing gift of life, and that living is so incredibly more important than her just moping over something that didn't go the way she wanted it to. I told her to be thankful. After that I had said that I hope she wasnít just taking it for ramblings of someone on drugs and she said she wasnít. S then came over and sat on the edge of the couch next to my chest and began running her hand through my hair. She was telling me how much of a cool person I was. That went on for a bit as we talked, then s asked if I wanted a cigarette and I said no because I didnít want it to cloud my mind as I thought about everything that happened.

I wanted to go outside because I felt hot so I did. I sat on a little wall thing next to my garden and looked around, thinking really deeply. I told everyone that I wish it was easier to go to the moon because it looked beautiful at the time. It was still bright outside, but the moon was showing quite a bit. After a bit I went back inside and e told me to go with her, I was super confused, but I did. She took me to my room and brought me my copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra, a philosophy book by Nietzsche. Weíre both very interested in it, but I had plans to read it when I left to Kansas in two days while I visited my grandparents. I took the book with me downstairs and sat down. Then I realized I havenít hugged J yet so I asked where he was then went outside and hugged him. I apologized for such a delay and explained that I have always felt more connected to girls, but he was sort of like an older brother to me. After doing DMT I think hugs are going to mean a lot more to me. After that I just kept talking about how amazed I was, I remember I couldnít stop saying wow. We then cleaned everything up because J and S were leaving soon.

I made so many realizations. Shroom fit a puzzle piece in my life. DMT fit all of the rest.

Someone had told me a better way to think of the puzzle of life. DMT fit the border of my puzzle (my life) together. The border is my subconscious reality and the innards are my life and everything that is to come. Iím really glad I came out of my trip understanding what I was meant to learn, because I hear a lot about people coming out utterly confused and unsure of what just happened. This is one moment I will never forget. Iíll treasure it for the rest of my life.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 97135
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Feb 9, 2018Views: 2,048
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DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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