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Internal Dysphoria
by Quadlog
Citation:   Quadlog. "Internal Dysphoria: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp97227)". Apr 21, 2021.

10 - 20 mg oral 4-AcO-DMT (powder / crystals)


This morning I was presented the opportunity of my room-mate being out for 6+ hours and I decided to take it. I ordered 4-aco-dmt from a United States vendor based in Texas, but I have yet to send the sample elsewhere for cross-verification on the substance I received.

0:00- At 10:30 I eyeball ~15 mgs [+/- 5mgs] or this beige powder. (*NOTE eyeballing is always a dangerous idea*)
0:01- Proceed to take my dog on a several mile bike ride to begin the trip on.
0:35- Colors seem much brighter that before, but the increase in saturation has been over such a relatively long span that a placebo effect may be possible. Then after several miles it kicks it. I notice gaps in the frames of my visual field and sounds around me seem more distant conceptually.

0:45- Make it home, it starts hitting me way harder. I begin to notice a strange sour metallic smell that is reminiscent of the vile pungent taste of the powder, that may or may not be emanating from my body's sweat glands. I see symmetrical patterns play on plain surfaces of walls. They looked binary with 32 bending points and folded into themselves with tracers present. It could be looked over if I had desired.
0:50- Go into my room feeling slightly nauseous and decide to listen to music. The closed eye visuals are somewhat incredible, not mind blowing, but quite interesting.
1:00- Right around this time things take a dysphoric turn. For roughly the next 40 minutes I enter a state of trauma. I watch my fine motor skills leave me as I fall onto the bed. It then feels like a non-breakthrough dose of 5-MeO-DMT, I sit there in confusion.

This feeling of absolutely PURE befuddlement mixed with; nausea, this pervading metallic odor, and the only comfortable position being that which I could best describe as dumping a cerebral palsy patient out of a wheelchair onto the floor… led me to believe that I was dying. My mind kept chattering away trying to address a problem, but was confused on ALL THE PROBLEMS. I thought my neighbors were arguing outside, the power was shutting off, my stomach was turning inside out, there was a natural disaster, I will have permanent brain damage, I have to drive to university in an hour, what happens in case the earth moves closer to the sun, if I die my well written essay means nothing, and If I should go to a hospital. In this infant-like confusion I was in I was unable to quantify my problems, I could not tell which issue was immediate, long term, or how I was affected/related by/to it… I just knew that if I died that there would be absolutely no 'second chances'.

To get through this bed-ridden dysphoria I imagined myself being active/exercising to the mantra of 'everything will be okay', which I may have partially meant as a wish. I felt my immune system admonishing me for putting an unknown substance into it and I envied my future self for having the beauty and comfort of being sober and cognitive. The only comfort that was present was watching the numbers on my cellphone clock change because that represented the drug wearing off, thought it was difficult to establish the relationship between the number of the clock in reference to the duration of the drug (adding 2 was near impossible). Despite knowing the typical reaction on DMT analogues of 'feeling like you're dying', death was an incredibly real possibility to me due to the overwhelming confusion and physical discomfort. Oh, the visuals were pretty neat too.

1:4?- After failing at being able to take a bite of bread, I force myself to eat a few raw heads of broccoli to alleviate my light-headedness and how lethargic I felt. After a few minutes of chewing and laying down near my pups I felt better as I noticed my pasty coloured skin returning back to its normal hue. My general bodily perception saw an upgrade as well, from just feeling like I had 2 liters of blood drawn to being incredibly drowsy. At around this point my room-mate had returned early and I wasn't all too worried about how I looked... not drugged out, but disheveled, exhausted, and perhaps a bit gaunt. My pupils were slightly larger than normal but I was so elated to be sober/ healthy again.

2:00- I drive to university (*NOTE driving after coming down from a substance is always a dangerous idea*) feeling somewhat distant from myself but at the same time SO LOVING. Since all of my body's energy went to dealing with this substance there was none left for my ego, leaving me somewhat infantile.
Since all of my body's energy went to dealing with this substance there was none left for my ego, leaving me somewhat infantile.

2:30- Drive went fine, I finally reach parking lot and walk to class. While sitting in class I feel my ego returning and consequently I become physically tired. Aside from my pupils I am sober, and so glad.
5:00- I am sitting here typing about my trip on 4-AcO-DMT. The malodorous smell is almost indistinguishable.

Things worth mentioning~ I had a small breakfast- maybe half an egg, I had half gram of vitamin C, I went on a night hike the previous night and subsequently went to bed late, I smoked pot the night previous. I am also a healthy vegetarian and have been for more than 5 years. I mentioned these things because they may connect the dots for some people about how horribly my trip went, though I am still wondering. With the exception of paranoid visuals and a rapid heart rate, everything that was on erowids 'negative effects' of 4-AcO-DMT, I experienced.

Things learned: death is possible at every moment, always treat yourself with the best intentions, if there is a better option that requires more energy- take it, and spiritually speaking… take no ones word as your truth, honor their thoughts/ believes but study for yourself to understand your potential and gnosis.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 97227
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21 
Published: Apr 21, 2021Views: 90
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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