DOSE: T+ 0:00	3 tablets	oral	MDMA
T+ 0:00	Few shots	oral	Alcohol - Hard
T+ 0:00	2 hits	sublingual	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 0:45	joints/cigs	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

Since I was about 14 I've been smoking tobacco, and marijuana. I was never into harder drugs, and until I ended my first year of college I was quite content with 'keeping it herbal.' Short of pain killers, and alcohol, I had never been into anything ''harder'' until right around when I turned 19. After my 19th birthday, long story short I began getting into ecstasy. However, it never really hit me, no matter what pill I took, or how many. The closest I got to 'feeling' anything was my first time rolling, where I was able to take pills in order to stay up all night drinking and smoking. It wasn't something that captivated me, but it did do something very important, and that was open me up to the world of uppers. 

A few months after I was introduced to Ecstasy, I found the only drug I ever really loved doing; Molly. Pure, unadulterated MDMA was my love at first taste. I was, first off, completely functional for any task while on it which was what began to turn me away from weed and more and more into Molly. I could take a couple points, and have the best night of my life with friends, and even complete strangers. Second, I found that I could drive flawlessly even while smacking balls on it; so when a party was over, and people needed to start going home; I never had to worry about being too drunk or high to drive all over town; as long as I had enough gas for it I was still happy, and very focused on driving. To top it off with the tingly, euphoric, chatty, happy feeling always accompanying every snort of powder, needless to say, I found my drug of choice. Even after the experience I've been through in the last 24 hours, I'll still continue to use Molly. I've been experimenting with almost exclusively Molly for about 5 months now.

Last night, in my home town, there was a dubstep concert in one of our event centers that seemingly turned into one of the biggest raves we've had in awhile. I was out of my precious yellow tinged powder, so in an attempt to finally really 'roll' for the first time off of ecstasy, I parachuted three pills. Two of them were ketamine based, and the third I'm not sure what was in it. in a disappointing turn of events, I did not achieve the same effects of Molly. I did, however, become very agitated, antsy, and ready to dance. Before I entered the rave, I took a few shots of rum with the group of friends I was with. 

Once inside, drugs were everywhere. Weed, ecstasy, shards, shrooms, and most interestingly enough, blotter papers. I couldn't believe security didn't stop anyone from smoking inside. Friend A bought enough blotter's for 5 people, and gave me two hits for free. I've only ever had one other experience with hallucinogens, and that was with a couple of caps of shrooms about 2 months before. It was pleasant, and I've had many friends say acid is in many ways better, so I accepted the two small papers, and stuck them between my lip and my gum like the seller instructed. Everything else after this night is very, very dream like and hazy; but to the best of my knowledge, this is what happened. 

(T+00:05) I began to notice colors are much more vibrant, and I begin playing with lights, and really starting to take notice of everyone at the concert. I'm noticing the 'dancy' feeling of the ecstasy is coming on, and I'm really interested in finding someone to dance with. 

(T+00:15) Other than what I assumed was just the effects of the ecstasy, I'm not feeling the acid kick in. It's disappointing because I was sold watered down acid out of a vial about a month ago, and I didn't feel anything much like I did now. Friend A comments that we might've been sold bunk. I have a lot of people bugging me for various things, and the agitation that I noticed earlier is coming on ten fold. I just wanted to be done with everyone and enjoy the concert.

(T+00:30) The acid isn't kicking in, and all of a sudden I get the bright idea in my head to 'bite' the blotter paper and move it around with my tongue. I taste an unmistakable 'drug' taste from the paper, and as soon as I bite down, my inner being seemed to begin to attach itself to everyone and everything around me. That's the best way to explain it; everything had my personal touch to it. The music, the lights, the ground, even people. I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, so I did. I took a quick piss, then came out and felt like I was moving on a cloud. I began to walk through the crowd, looking at faces, people, and lights everywhere. That's when I swallow the paper.

(T+00:45) I notice that I'm beginning to become nauseated, and that the acid is amplifying the effects of the ecstasy I just took. I'm rolling balls. Jaw clamps, tingly all over, very energetic, and touchy. However, for some reason it began to feel like too much for me, to the point where I had to sit down and smoke a cigarette just to calm down from it all. The sound of the music is pumping waves that hit my body like a sledgehammer. When I sit down, I begin to notice everyone looks strangely similar; as if they're nearly all the same person. Faces begin to look alike, what struck me the most was that noses all seemed to grow to the same length on everyone; no matter what body color or how different they actually are. Stomachs contort to where a skinny girl will look fat for a few seconds, then go back to being skinny, and fat girls look skinny then turn out to be fat. Everything changes depending on how, and at what angle I look at people. This is where I'm really starting to have a panic attack about my situation because the face that everyone begins to look like very closely resembles an ex girlfriend of mine. The second part of my experience that seemed off to me was the fact that security wasn't stopping anyone from smoking inside, even though normally this would be a huge no go. What really scared me though, is that I didn't seem to recognize anyone around me; I began to feel very alone, and was just looking for any excuse to put my back against a wall and look like I belonged.

(T+00:55) From about 50 feet away, I began to see contorted bodies of what resembled my group of friends I came with. It took me about a minute of staring at their bodies to realize it was really them, because of crazy visuals I was observing, such as their bodies stretching out of shape and seeming to shrink. Instantly I hop up without even saying goodbye or thank you to the guy I just bummed a cigarette off of, and mosey on over to my group of friends, quite relieved. I was a little dismayed however to learn that the E they had bought for the night didn't hit them very well at all. This is where I start trying to cheer myself up and attempting to enjoy the high that I've found myself with.

At this point, I can't remember time, or keep track of what's happened very well, at all. This is the peak of my high on LSD, and this is where everything becomes almost like a video game, or a movie for me. I'm slowly becoming an observer more than a participator, in an almost horrific turn of events. I can't control myself very well at all, I'm very disoriented, and the more that I'm drawn into the crowd, the more scared and cult like everything around me seems to be. I recall a very strong feeling of Deja vu that is repeated throughout the entire night after that; strangely enough almost like a flashback from a sober event that I went to in my high school years.

(T+~1:15) I lost my group of friends, and find myself being drawn into the crowd of people. The main event just came on, and there are tracer lights everywhere. It seems like I can touch them, grab them, and manipulate them. I notice a very, very warm feeling all over my body, and begin to realize that I'm sweating profusely. Everything's getting less and less happy for me, and I'm finding that I just want to blend in and enjoy the music, but it's not working very well.
 
(T+~1:30) My jaw begins to hurt, badly, and I realize it's from constant smiling, even though I'm not very happy at all, but I can't seem to stop. I try to think, and I clear my mind long enough to realize I've been doing this for ever since I bit down into the paper. I'm also clenching very, very badly and it was horrible; my mouth is still sore. Someone's walking through the crowd with what I believe was a joint, and I desperately ask him for a hit in an attempt to come down and sober up a little bit; but it really didn't help do anything except numb my body even more.

(T+~1:45) As the show goes on, there seem to be more and more people pushing and dancing. The entire place is packed, and what I remember was nearly pure chaos, people were there, but there was something missing. No emotions, just mindless humping, dancing, and screaming. I recognize no one, and in a desperate attempt just to get through the night, I just start dancing. A few girls start dancing with me throughout the night, but I'm so uncoordinated that it might've lasted a couple minutes before I stumbled or bumped into someone else, nearly knocking them over. Putting my hand up into the air to pump brings down a relieving rush of cool air, so I keep doing that for a little bit.

(T+~2:00) Things begin to feel more and more like an old movie. The one example that sticks out to me is the club scene from Surrogate. I feel very spiritual, hippie sort of, and it's strange. Much like when one of the main characters flawlessly drops into the raging club mix, I began to mingle, fit in, or belong. I know this is the acid, because MDMA has never had this effect for me; I was slowly being taught lessons in dancing and rave that helped me to fit in with the people around me, as if a third party was instructing me on what to do. It's a very spiritual, out of body feel. Everything that happened after that point became an event that I needed to produce a response to; when an action happened all of a sudden, however, I knew what to do in order to make it so no one noticed anything out of the ordinary. I felt like I was an unnecessary piece of something larger, and in order to fix my bad trip I just had to get through as best I could by following the instructions of whoever, or whatever was guiding me; so I danced. Agitated, stressed, and scared out of my mind, I danced. The third party is directing me this entire time, telling me to be comfortable with my sexuality, and accept that we're all part of a bigger plan, something huge. It's saying I belong, even when I don't believe it, and it scares me more.

(T+~2:30) This is where the 'cult' aspect of the story comes in; no longer was it drugs, or alcohol, or sex that the entire crowd (including myself) seemed to yearn for. I'm nearing the very front of the event, towards where the gate is before the DJ. As I do, I notice volunteers passing out water. Water, as soon as I heard it in the middle of that sweaty, hot, disgusting experience it was all I could think of. Everyone around me and everything seemed to moan, sign, and scream the word 'Water.' The third party directing me seemed to teach me about water, say how everything comes from water, and everything will go back into it. In order to survive in life, I need to consume water, so in order to survive in rave, I need to consume water. My main focus after that wasn't to get out of the dance, fit in, or find a partner. It was to get to the front in order to consume water; it seemed to be a drug more addicting than anything in the world. 

(T+~3:00) After squeezing, following, dancing, shoving, and pushing my way through the crowd, I made it to the front. Everything's in full blast, the music, lights, drugs, people, everything. The third party told me to grab on to the rail and I would be able to 'surf' the music; I can't really explain better than that. However, this is where I finally am able to quench my desire for water. It's pure joy. It fixes nearly everything, and the people in the front are okay with what I'm doing. They're friendly, they dance, I dance, everyone's touching, and everyone's satisfied. I stay here content, just dancing and passing around bottles of water as the volunteers pour them into people's mouth. Everyone seems to constantly scream 'Water' with everything they do as soon as the volunteers come up to the gate with bottles of ice cold water, or misters. This is where I stay for the peak of my high, until I start coming down. That's when my 'bad trip' resumes. 

(T+~3:45) After what seems like an eternity of dancing, even though I know it was only 4-5 tracks, I begin to come down. Immediately, I notice a sort of hostile energy pouring into me from everyone around me. The third party is telling me that my time is up, I've been at the front too long and I need to leave. The drugs I've ingested are wearing off, and my time is over. People begin to stare at me, or at least I think they are. Everyone has the same kind of look on their face, and the feeling I get from them resonates exactly what the third party is saying. Where once I was welcome, all of a sudden I need to leave. Instantly I let go of the gate, and I'm sucked back into the crowd. Slowly people take my place, and steadily over the next 10 minutes I feel like there's something or someone pushing me backwards, in the opposite direction of the stage even though I know no one around me is doing the actual pushing. It's as if I'm a piece of metal, and there's a gigantic magnet pulling me out of the crowd.

(T+~3:55) I'm terrified, sweating, and on the verge of a break down. Finally I get out of the center of the dance, and it appears as if it's 5 times as big as I thought it was. There's no end to the crowd, and every single face I see says the same thing to me: 'What are you doing here?' Desperately I tried to look for the same thing that calmed me down earlier, that being a cigarette and the wall. I finally find which way I'm supposed to head in, and as soon as I reach my safe haven, I mean that second, the dance ends, and the lights go on. I realize that the third party is telling me that I can no longer be in this room, and I need to leave everything right now. I don't have any more drugs, so I'm not welcome anymore. Where once everything was beautiful, and perfect, I'm noticing that many people are doing the same thing as me and leaving. They're ugly, grotesque, and horrific. No one is nearly as attractive, or flawless as they were just moments ago; they being to remind me something like out of a Marilyn Manson music video, where people are spent, restless, and hopeless, and warped. They're leaving.

As I walk out I notice that there's still music going on for some reason, and people are still dancing where I had been just minutes ago even though the lights are on now. I don't understand, but I can't stop walking out, or even take a single pause for breath. I keep moving. By the time I'm at the stairs to where I entered the event, I'm running out so fast that I almost trip on the stairs, but the scary thing is that so is everyone else all around me. People are running even faster than me, to the point where they nearly hit their head on the ceiling above the stairs, which admittedly isn't very tall. As soon as I get out, I feel relieved. I see my friends, and instantly gather around them. I'm restless as hell, and just want to get my knife out of the friends car I left it in and walk back to my car across the street from the event center we were at, alone.

(T+~4:30) There's still people pouring out of the center; and I'm still with my friends because I'm too scared to be alone again. Everyone's warped, and all of a sudden I realize that all my friends are wearing black, and I'm the only one wearing color. I ask them why, and they don't have a reason. However, all of them are tripping out on some kind of psychedelic. Not to mention all the girls we're with look disgusting, warped, and full of flaws now that the drugs are wearing off. The third party is still trying to teach me lessons, and say that all my friends play a part, and that everything we did that night was just a way to continue a huge cycle of drugs, and expression. It's also saying that what we're experiencing is a never ending cycle of loss and regain, that we can never escape. Everyone around me is constantly hounding me out for an after party that they're so excited to go to, and the third party is saying that some friends play specific roles in keeping the cycle going. There's a certain role for everyone, including me, that we will never escape. It scares me, and makes me want to leave even more because I continue to realize that it's truer and truer. 

(T+~4:45) I finally get up and start walking back to my car, and for some reason I have a lot of my friends start following me to it too, even though they didn't originally come with me. I suddenly get another hostile vibe from the third party, telling me that my 'friends' are going to hurt me. I instinctively pull out my knife, and was at that point so scared and hostile that I was ready to stab one of my close friends if they ran up or touched me at that moment. We pass so, so many police on the way to my car, and I was amazed that no one tried to stop us or find out what it was we were doing. On our way to the car, we find that there are many groups of people exactly in the same predicament we are. No one can find their car. One man actually walked out with us and said to me ''It's so strange, we were just pushed out like that. It never starts like that, but it always ends that way.' I don't remember what else he said, but it resonated in me that that's exactly what happened. Everyone was rushed out by some supernatural force as soon as the drugs were up. It wasn't just me. When I finally found my car, I just wanted to get rid of the people that followed me to it. That's exactly what I did, too. I found places for me to put them so I could empty out my car, and slowly I finally was able to just go back to my apartment and try to sleep.

(T+~6:00) I'm trying to sleep, but everything's so horrible. My mind is restless, and I feel very 'speedy' qualities that have been described by meth addicts. I can't sleep, my mind is relentless with the pictures it conjures up and the thoughts put into my head; when I open my eyes, it's almost like a kaleidoscopic of color until I really take the time to focus and realize what it is I'm seeing. This lasts for nearly an hour, until somehow I managed to fall asleep. 

(T+13:00) I wake up, and my head is still cloudy. I know I haven't completely come down yet, and even now almost 20 hours later I still can tell I'm not completely down. I hate this feeling that I have. I can't focus, I can barely remember, and the only thing that's helped is writing a drug induced, huge paper trying to recall every last detail of my fucked up night little by little; editing in information I forgot as I go because it calms me and gives me something to set my mind to. This experience has officially ruined hallucinogens for me, and I can honestly say now that I've tried it, I never want to do LSD again in my entire life. Perhaps it was the huge combination of drugs, the agitation and stress, or the all around bad feeling I had the entire night, but something with the potential to scare me this much, and make me feel so uncomfortable I feel does not have any place in my future whatsoever. I will stick to my happy upper, Molly, for whenever I want to enjoy my night on a higher level, and nothing anyone can ever say will change that.
[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 97601
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Feb 12, 2025	Views: 33
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MDMA (3) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Relationships (44), Music Discussion (22), Nature / Outdoors (23), What Was in That? (26), Glowing Experiences (4), Health Problems (27), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), First Times (2), General (1)