Citation: anotherplaceandtime. "Nothing and Everything I Ceased to Exist: An Experience with DMT (exp97622)". Erowid.org. Feb 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/97622
I started talking to an acquaintance I've known for a few years about MDMA and his experience, and my desire to use it to help with my psychiatric problems which are very similar to Complex PTSD. He asked more about my issues and I explained them, and as we talked we realized we are very similar and have had similar problems in life, in a lot of ways our lives have seemingly paralleled each other. He brought up DMT, and asked me if I tried it. I hadn't, but told him I'd been researching it and had wanted to try it for about two years but tracking down a source had been difficult and when I did I never had the spare cash. He mentioned A friend of a friend had extracted some from mimosa bark, and he had a few grams of it.
His drug history includes pretty much everything out there commonly available from pharms to shrooms, LSD, heroin, coke, weed, and a lot of ecstasy. He tried DMT and it helped him get past most of his psychological issues and ultimately allowed him to step away from his addiction to E (The ecstasy we can get locally has Meth in it most of the time. Several of my friends have gotten hooked on meth this way). He said it really helped him reconsider his view of people and the world in general and he had found happiness through this simple white crystal and its ability to help him see his own thoughts.
By this point I was even more intrigued about DMT and wanted to try it more, because our lives are so similar I figured if it was able to help him maybe it could do something similar for me. He asked if I wanted to try it, and I said yes. It was decided I'd try it later that night.
A little background on me. I'm a 21 year old male. I've had some experience with drugs but not so much with psychedelics specifically. I've never tried any 'serious' psychedelics such as LSD or Shrooms, and have only tried fairly high doses of Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds (which I liked a lot, never felt uncomfortable) and Nutmeg when I was younger (Not pleasant, Resulted in a terrifying hallucinogenic experience). Other than that I've had a fair amount of experience with Nitrous, Marijuana (lots of experience there), alcohol, JWH 018 (worst mistake of my life, still paying for that), and various pharms.
I had an hour or so before we were going to do it so I just spent the hour chilling out and thinking happy thoughts. Talked with some people and got my mood up a little bit. Grabbed a pipe and some damiana (Currently can't smoke weed due to an upcoming job where I don't want to risk substitution) as he had mentioned smoking it on top of something instead of out of a glass vaporizer would be better the first time. He picked me up and we went over to his friends house a few miles away to grab some bud he'd left there the night before and say hi. We chilled there for an hour or so and talked about random drug-related things as someone loaded a pipe and passed it around. Everyone knew at this point I'd never tried DMT and was about to, and they were all excited for me. We smoked a cigarette, they wished me a nice trip and we left.
We drove around for a while looking for a place to go where there would not be cops since we were unable to do it at either of our houses. We finally found a place that looked down on the valley and was quite secluded. I loaded my bowl with damiana and he loaded his with a little bud, and he used a knife tip to load some DMT into each. He advised me not to smoke all of it because he put too much in mine. We didn't weigh it out (as you should) but from my prior JWH-018 experiences I'd take a guess about 60 MG went into his pipe and maybe 70 or 80 went into mine. [Erowid Note:
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
We were in a nice peaceful place sitting in a car and it was nighttime. My state of mind was quite calm and I felt no fear due to all of my research of DMT. He asked if I was ready and I said Sure.
He put on a techno song and I asked whether I should only take one hit. He said 'you'll know if you are done or not after your first hit'. We both took a hit. The taste was bad, very metallic and chemical, Very close to JWH-018, which scared me a little because of my terrible experience with JWH. But I'm very good at keeping myself calm in intimidating situations.
After about 3 seconds I felt an incredibly strong body high, similar to that of Nitrous mixed with JWH 018, but much less 'dirty' than JWH. It didn't feel nearly as chemical. On Nitrous there is less tightness for me (though on high doses of JWH 018, like.. 25-50 MG I felt a similar tightness). On nitrous I 'lift out of my body', being a dissociative, and I always feel like I'm floating above myself. With that first hit of DMT it felt similar to nitrous but the dissociation felt as if my body merely started to fade away and my brain sat floating in place. I closed my eyes, there were no visuals, and it had been 20-30 seconds.
Part of me wanted to stop at this point, It wasn't quite what I had expected, and the feeling on that first hit made me question my decision, but even as I was questioning my decision, the pipe was coming up to my mouth again. My friend did the same. I tucked the pipe in my pocket and leaned back. This incredible rush came over me and I lost all sense of my body. The only control I retained was my eyelids, and a slight ability to guide my breathing. I closed my eyes and entered what I still can not describe, though I was there. I understand now why people can describe LSD, shrooms, etc but fail to describe DMT.
I was somewhere else. My body ceased to exist, reality ceased to exist, everything I had ever known and learned was shattered in a second. I was somewhere beautiful, but I was hurtling through at a million miles an hour, so it was frightening as well. I had no sense of footing, no sense of 'walking' but rather a feeling that I was floating, or flying. I pondered, and am still unsure whether I was moving through this place, or this place was moving past me as I sat still. There were colours everywhere, I can't even begin to describe them, colours that belong to a spectrum the human eyes can't see normally. They were in all sorts of shapes, and were shifting into other shapes, in time to the music. Hearing was the only sense that I retained in this state though it was altered, but only slightly. It sounded more metallic and 'alien'. I could not feel anything, as my body ceased to exist. I could not smell or taste. The music dictated the experience, and I found myself wishing we had found a slower techno song, as I was rushing through this world and spinning and everything was beautiful but I couldn't get a good look at anything. There were also periodically pillars of colour I can only describe as being like old barber shop poles.
Consistently, wherever I turned was... Something I fail to describe. It was a creature, a figure? Something that was alive and was guiding me through this experience. It was not a human, but was not frightening to me in anyway. I still am trying to figure out what this figure represents.
It was not a human, but was not frightening to me in anyway. I still am trying to figure out what this figure represents.
My conscience perhaps? I opened my eyes to ground myself because things simply got to intense. The dashboard of the car and the horizon beyond it were in front of me but still I felt like I was body-less. I reminded myself where I was and what I was doing. I closed my eyes and was able to think rather clearly, and as I found out later incredibly rapidly. I continued through the world, and it felt less frightening as time went on. At this point it felt like it had been 10-15 minutes but my sense of time disappeared as well, so it was difficult. The visuals faded slightly and the world slowed down a little bit as did my thinking. I was starting to return to baseline but it felt very slow. I found myself wanting to be normal again and wishing it would return, uncertain if this was an experience I'd want to repeat. I realized I had not breathed, and took in a deep breathe.
Shortly after my friend leaned forward and breathed in loudly. This brought me out of this place all at once and back to reality. We started to talk about the trip and he asked me what I thought. All I could really say was that I wasn't sure. It felt like every acid trip anyone had ever described to me within the span of what I realized was a maximum of 4 minutes. The intensity scared me but as I came back to baseline completely I had already decided I liked it, It was beautiful and I wanted to do it again.
I think the frightening thing about DMT is the speed of its onset and fear that you will not come back from that other world. Once I realized I could come back, that fear disappeared. I'd had several friends who told me I was nuts to try DMT for that reason despite most of them having taken high doses of LSD and countless other hallucinogens. I noticed very little aftereffect other than some stimulation mentally, which I attribute to how rapidly my brain had been moving shortly before. That night I had lucid dreams. I came out of them absolutely certain that they were real until I realized I had been in a dream state.
That night I had lucid dreams. I came out of them absolutely certain that they were real until I realized I had been in a dream state.
I didn't intend to lucid dream, it just happened, several hours after the DMT trip.
This experience has taught me that this drug has incredible potential. It's not your typical psychedelic. It's definitely not one that I should use for a good time. It's not like that, you have to respect it and it will take you places you've never thought you could go, but its so rapid and intense, and you lose all contact with your body so It's not something to trip on recreationally. It's a powerful tool that can help you look inside yourself, your thoughts, and allows you to guide the experience to some extent. There is a lot of people who could benefit from this substance but there is no way to describe the intensity, and no way to let people know what to expect.
There is a lot of people who could benefit from this substance but there is no way to describe the intensity, and no way to let people know what to expect.
I think people who are easily frightened and have done no prior psychedelics should probably avoid this drug unless they can keep themselves calm. It's only a few minutes but it feels like so much longer, I can see someone suffering ill effects if they could not stay calm during the experience. I struggled, though managed to stay grounded. Doing DMT in a car off a public road definitely added to the fear a little bit and was probably not the best thing to do. Techno in the background definitely fits the trip, though I would pick slower techno to slow the trip down a little bit.
I have a whole new respect for my body, my mind, and everyone around me. Going to that place was a beautiful experience but at the same time it was so intense it made reality seem so much better, so much safer, and comfortable. My issues seemed more trivial and I felt like I knew something most don't. I had realized the powers of my own mind through this DMT trip and realized I could create this beautiful world in my head. I am definitely going to experiment with this substance many more times. I hope to be able to guide the trip more once I get more used to DMT and hopefully it can help me find happiness more simply, especially for the next month or so while I can not smoke weed.
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