Citation: Expect. "There is No Fear: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT & Methoxetamine (exp97654)". Erowid.org. Oct 21, 2012. erowid.org/exp/97654
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 5:00
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 5:55
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 10:45
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 11:00
Approximate timetable of doses:
T -5:00 : 40mg Methoxetamine(Oral)
T 0:00 : 35mg 4-ACO-DMT (Oral)
T +0:55 : 13mg 4-ACO-DMT (Oral)
T +4:45 : 50mg Methoxetamine(insufflated)
T +5:00 : 2 bowls high quality cannabis
There is No Fear
When I began doing psychedelics, I was fascinated by the peak state of existence. Shulgins designated ++++. The transcendental state brought about by the perfect combination of psychedelic, set, and setting. I have experimented far and wide. I took LSD, but I did not feel the Light. I experimented with mushrooms, I took 2C-E, 2C-P, 2C-I, and 2C-B. I went deeper with 25I-NBOMe, and felt my skin turn to lightning with 25C-NBOMe. Even Ayahuasca did not show me the light, although I did have a very personal experience with the sacred brew. Through over a hundred psychedelic experiences, the light eluded me.
Once I smoked DMT, I knew that I had found the light. I did not bask in it's glory, but I saw the fabric of reality open up, and for a glorious few moments, I caught subtle rays of its being. But I was not given another chance to go deeper with DMT. To, 'breakthrough,' as they say. But I did not anguish in this fact. I knew that when I was ready, the state I was looking for would find me. As the saying goes, the peak psychedelic experience is one that seeks you out, not the other way around.
Soon, the opportunity to experiment further was given to me. I was long intrigued by 4-ACO-DMT, a novel tryptamine designer drug that I had read was comparable to the beautiful high of mushrooms. I purchased a half gram, and right away tested 18mg of the compound. I had a light trip, comparable to a medium dose of psilocybin mushrooms. But it did not shine right away. I vowed to take it farther. The warmth that 4-ACO-DMT displayed to me was enticing. The drug almost felt as though it had a spirit. It felt kind, and calm, and I knew at once that I had found my psychedelic of choice. So, 4 days after my first experience with psilacetin, I chose to invite my closest friend, T, to join me in entering the void. To discover just how deep our minds could go.
Me and T spent the afternoon doing MXE, playing video games, and relaxing in preparation for our trips. I ingested 40mg of MXE orally at 5:00 PM, and enjoyed the lovely dissociation of this drug throughout the evening. At 10:00, I began to prepare our 4-ACO-DMT doses. Two 35mg doses were weighed out my milligram scale, and placed in two pieces of toilet paper. At 10:15, we set off on our journey. The doses were swallowed, and I put on the album 'Merriwhether Post Pavilion,' a personal favorite of mine and a lovely accompaniment to any psychedelic experience. I browsed various psychedelic oriented forums, reading trip reports to make the time go faster. I felt a distinct mixture of trepidation and excitement. I had a good feeling about this night.
At 10:45, I looked over at T, who was curled up in blankets on my bed. He looked at me and gave me 2 thumbs up. At this point, all I was feeling was the remnants of the medium dose of MXE I had taken earlier, but T seemed to be enjoying himself, laying under the sheets and watching his CEV's. At 11:00, I still wasn't feeling the 4-ACO-DMT, which was interesting. The time I had taken 18mg earlier in the week, it had taken hold within 10 minutes of dosing. So, without hesitation, I took out my scale and weighed another 13mg. With any other psychedelic, I would not have pushed the dose like this. But the with the psilacetin, it almost felt as though I was being invited to go as deep as I pleased. I took the second 'booster dose' at 11:10, and chose to hop in the shower to pass the time between sobriety and tripping.
I hopped in the shower, and as I was washing my hair, I began to see slight CEV's on the back of my eyes. A pleasant euphoria began to radiate from my chest and stomach, spreading warmth to the tips of my fingers. I felt alive, and every droplet of water that touched my skin felt like a warm touch from a kindred spirit. Happiness spread through my body in an almost physical way. It was like I could feel the joy on every inch of my skin. I quickly finished up my shower, and returned to my bedroom. When I walked in my room at 11:30, T looked at me with the broadest grin I've ever seen on his face.
'How are you feeling?' I remarked, returning his grin with a smile of my own.
'Tripping balls,' he replied.
'I'm not seeing anything yet, but I feel it a little bit,' I said.
T gave me a look of utter disbelief, as though he was flabbergasted by the fact that I was not having visuals.
'Seriously, you're not seeing ANYTHING!?' He exclaimed.
I shook my head, and hopped back on the computer. Merriweather Post Pavillion was nearing it's final song, the euphoric romp 'Brothersport.' As the lyrics exclaimed back and forth, the text on the computer screen began to slowly wiggle, then shift. By the time the song ended, my field of vision had changed profoundly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something white flutter by my head. It looked like a benevolent spirit, but when I turned my gaze toward it, it was gone. A green lampshade next to my desk was beginning to morph, and change, and contort it's frame into impossible shapes. I knew I was in for something extreme. I looked down at the carpet, and several layers of patterns, beautiful, intricate, and sweeping back and forth, seemed to manifest from thin air. I watched the patterns for several moments, noting their intricacy, the way they danced to the music. The song ended, and I set on another Animal Collective album, as their unique sound was accenting my experience quite nicely.
It was now 11:45, and my visuals were still ramping up. The experience had stated off with a strong similarity to mushrooms, but the visuals were rapidly taking on their own character. I felt a buzzing in my body that was similar to my experience with DMT. The visuals had also become more DMT like. One visual sweep of my room confirmed this. Every surface was alive and dancing. Every object in my room was alive, a breathing entity with it's own mood and effect on the space. I stood up, ready to explore my house, and the wall above my computer desk expanded in and out. I stared for a moment, and it took on a green, scaly appearance, akin to that of an unidentified reptile. This was one of the most vivid visuals I have had up to that moment. I roused T from his throne of blankets on my bed, and invited him to join me on a trip outside.
As we exited my room, we wandered through my upstairs in the darkness. We both stumbled, our coordination severely off, but giggled through the entire trip downstairs. I was amazed, that even in the darkness, every wall, every surface in my vision was alive. They danced with flowing tryptamine patterns, beautiful fractals that flowed with smooth edges, compared to the spiky nature of phenethylamine visuals. I felt more alive than I ever had before. As we walked outside, it was like stepping out into an alien planet. The grass in my front yard took on a neon color. I felt as though there was an entire city, alive, with it's own mood in color, in every inch of the grass. I walked out from under the cover, and looked up at the beautiful sky. Layers upon layers of patterns danced from the stars, and the stars multiplied a thousand times, each one a self replicating piece of an infinite fractal equation. The complexity of the patterns I was seeing defied reality. It was as though every layer was another dimension, and I was blessed with the ability to perceive them for a short amount of time.
Me and T sat on my porch, trying hard not to burst into laughter at how hard we were tripping. I looked down at the concrete that made up more porch, and saw one of the most beautiful sights of my life. It looked as though thousands of salamanders, at first only outlined, but then becoming fully colored in and cartoon like, were running across the porch, right under my feet. They danced, and twirled, and shared their happiness with me. Streetlamps were burning with fractal explosions, beautiful geometric patterns falling from their light to the ground below. My entire being radiated with pure joy in this moment.
Our first trip outside was cut short, as someone across the street ran to their car, seemingly upset. T and I silently went back inside, and I felt as though I had intruded on the man's private moment of discomfort. I contemplated my own life, and the moments where I had felt upset to the point of breaking. I felt an urge to lend a hand of friendship to this man I did not know, but I held back, because I was in no state to go approach any human being. T led the way inside and went to the bathroom, and I stood in my downstairs hallway. I was amazed that, only hours ago, I had stood in this space. I felt as though my entire home was a completely different place. The tiles in the hallway were spitting neon pink shapes into the air, and the walls were a bright watermelon green, instead of their usual beige. The hallway looked like some electric portal into my house, a beautiful expanse of light and color. The ceiling bared host to thousands of generic reptilian shapes, all of them dancing and moving to the joy of the moment.
T finished his bathroom trip, and me and him moved to a sitting area at the front of my house, themed with art of African landscapes and beasts of the safari. I turned on a light, and was met with the most intricate visuals I've ever seen. Every inch of space in the room was a canvas for tryptamine patterns. The carpet below had opened up to show beautiful flowing geometric shapes. Smooth, curving patterns swept through the room at high speeds. The closest thing I could compare this to is the sight of moving water. It was as though everything had become a liquid, and was flowing to some undefined location. One of the more amazing things I've found with tryptamines is the way the visuals seem to be actually there. With phenethylamine psychedelics, it's as though a filter has been set over your eyes, creating the visuals from your point of view. With my own tryptamine use, there is a totally different feeling. It's as if one is seeing another layer of reality, something tangible and existent, as opposed to a hallucination.
We sat in this sitting room in silence, both of us in total awe at what we were seeing. It felt like I was existing in DMT space, walking around and interacting with the visuals of a DMT experience. Based on what I experienced, comparing 4-ACO-DMT to mushrooms seems almost irresponsible. It is obviously it's own drug, completely with it's own emotions and feelings, separate from mushrooms.
After sitting in the room for perhaps 15 minutes, we returned to my bedroom. Upon entering, we both remarked that it wasn't even the same place. It was a totally new room. My tapestries, one of them a beautiful mandala of red, purple, and blue, seemed to be portals to another realm. T laid against the one behind my bed, and several times he exclaimed that it had an almost gravitational pull on him. I contemplated this, and definitely agreed. Throughout my drug experiences, this mandala had a profound effect, and it seems to dominate the room. This triggered a very interesting thought pattern for me. I began to examine my relationships with things. Not people, but the relationships I have with inanimate objects. I thought about how much I loved my bed, and my carpet, and my milligram scale. I thought of my love for my fans, and my air conditioning unit, and my house. Every new object that I explored in my mind was a living, breathing thing. Not a person, but something else entirely. It seemed to be a very abstract idea to me, and even now it's hard to wrap my head around the ideas that I was having.
I moved myself from my computer chair to my bed, and plopped myself face down onto a soft blanket. Instantly, a 3 dimensional prism exploded onto the back of my eyes, rotating rapidly. I saw pop culture images, video game characters, and other tangible objects in the midst of this prism. It felt like my brain was rapidly firing off thousands of pieces of visual information into the prism. It twisted and writhed, with loops of water flowing around it. Words cannot do justice to the complexity of this visual, but I don't think I can ever forget the amazing sights I had watching this prism. T left the room to go to the bathroom, and I hopped back onto my computer. I browsed various chat rooms, but every time I tried to converse with someone, I would completely lose meaning of the conversation. Communication seemed downright impossible.
T was gone for about half an hour, which seemed like a long time to go to the bathroom, so I left my room to go looking for him. When I reached the top of my stairs, I saw him climbing the staircase. He seemed drunk and uncoordinated, but he still had the huge grin plastered on his face. We returned to my room, and sat and stared at my tapestries and the ceiling. I remember watching my ceiling fan with great interest, and tried to pinpoint individual blades with my eyes. By now it was 1:15, and I was fast approaching the absolute peak of my experience. I acknowledged the fact that I was peaking, and invited T to take another trip outside with me. He declined, preferring to lay in bed and watch the CEV's dance behind his eyes, so I journeyed out of the room alone.
Before going outside, I pretty much explored every room of the house. I remember standing in the doorway of one of my sitting rooms, and a spiral of reptilian animals danced on the carpet, threatening to burst out of it's cage. The visuals were so manic at this point that I could barely see anything. Everything in my vision was clashing to try and get my attention. The ground was a rainbow of color, and impossible shapes floated off of surfaces and twisted in the air. I ventured to my living room, and called for my cat to come sit with me. She was sitting on a chair. We looked into each others eyes, and she stayed on the chair. Her face was shifting and morphing, and it appeared as though she was moving her head in a circle, over and over again. I couldn't even make out her features, and she appeared to be flashing different neon colors. Her face became outlined in green, and then blue, and pink, and a whole array of the brightest and boldest colors I've ever seen. I approached her on her chair, and she rolled around and meowed, purring.
I touched her head, and she began to act totally erratically. She purred and meowed, and rolled around, and then jumped up and down on the chair. She ran to the kitchen and danced around my feet, purring and rubbing her tail around my ankles. I believe she experienced a contact high, or could sense the joy that was radiating from my soul, because the way she was acting was completely out of character for her. She is normally a timid, shy cat, but now she seemed to want nothing more than my company, and she danced and rejoiced in the moment. I laid on the ground with her, and we rolled around and played for several moments. It was getting almost impossible for me to see anything at this point, with the visuals so intense. I made the choice to go outside.
As I walked outside, I began to cry. Silent tears of euphoria leaked down my face. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I had never felt so happy in my life. I thought of my love for everything, and silently proclaimed it to myself. I walked out from under my cover, and leaned my entire body and the side of my face on a stone pillar holding up my overhang. I looked up and the sky, and the visuals completely receded for one solemn moment. The vast expanse of stars hung, totally still. In my mind, I acknowledged what was about to happen. I knew that this was it. The peak moment, the transcendence of my being. The ++++ that I had been looking for, had found me. I walked out to my yard, so that I could view the clouds. I threw my head back, and my arms in the air, and looked up at the sky. I exclaimed to myself, 'There is no Fear!' In that moment, it was as though the entire universe exploded.
A big bang rivaling the one that perhaps created our existence took place. The sky flashed with white light, and shapes rained down upon the earth. Columns of white light descended into my eyes, and my hands, and my feet, and I was engulfed in their presence. Tears streamed from my eyes in disbelief. My entire soul was vibrating, every inch of my skin burst open with euphoria, the most intense feeling I've ever had. I stood in this state for perhaps 5 minutes, but in that moment I had lived a thousand lifetimes. I understood the infinite complexity of the universe, not by knowing everything, but by acknowledging that I could never know everything. It made sense to me that, to reach enlightenment, you must acknowledge how little you know, and how much potential you have. After my moment of eternity, I silently retreated into my home.
I returned to my room to find T, and we both ventured back downstairs to the sitting room we were in earlier. I laid on the floor and he laid on the couch. T remarked that he was beginning to come down, but I was still on the last wave of my peak. Now, T is not one to go crazy with joy over a psychedelic experience. But even he rejoiced in the moment. He shared with me that it was also an amazing experience for him. We began to discuss our trips, and the differences we had, and how close it was to DMT. Then, after sitting in silence, we began to tap. We tapped the ground, and a table, and the walls. We tapped together, making our own beautiful song. Throughout the experience, I was stricken with the idea that every sound I've ever heard was music, a piece of a beautiful song of life that we are all writing as we move through this human experience.
At this point, I was getting tired. Not tired of the visuals, but physically and mentally, I had given a lot for this trip, and now I was reaching a point of exhaustion. I made the choice to do some more MXE, as I find myself the most grounded in reality when I'm under its influence. I weighed out 50mg of MXE(I have a decent tolerance, so this would probably be comparable to 25mg for someone else), and insuflated it. Almost immediately I felt the effects, and the visuals ramped back up, but the pushy edge of the 4-ACO-DMT was gone, replaced with a slow, hypnotic effect. My mental processes slowed down from the chaos, and I laid in my bed, watching the walls, taking in the visuals without having to contribute mentally to their existence. I felt a strong relief, the burden of a million ideas lifted off of my shoulders.
T was totally sober by this point, and we smoked several bowls of high quality cannabis to help relax from the extremely intense experience. He began to play some Skyrim, and I watched as he explored the game's vast expanse. I felt almost hypnotized as this point, and all of my mental processes had halted, leaving me in an almost meditative trance. I stayed in this state for several more hours, and fell asleep at around 6:00 in the morning. I awoke at 3:00 in the afternoon, feeling a bit groggy, but did not have any hangover effects. The experience is still fresh in my mind.
I believe that I learned a lot from this trip. I felt euphoric throughout the whole experience, but I also contemplated my own life, and the moment of transcendence that I experience was the most profound feeling I've ever had. I think it's irresponsible to call this drug a mushroom substitute, and I think I disagree with the notion that all of the psilacetin is metabolized into psilocin in the brain. I'd bet that a small amount is metabolized the psilocin, but a majority of it stays the same, leading to it's incredibly unique state of psychedelic being. I was also amazed by how similar this drug was to my smoked DMT experiences, with very similar visuals, body high, and mindset, and yet retaining it's own flavor.
At this point in my psychedelic career, I'm unsure of where I'm going to go. After this experience, I no longer feel the need to push dosages to extreme ranges. Perhaps I will be able to use lower doses for personal growth, but for now, I'm taking a well deserved break. There is no need to indulge in the Light any time soon.
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