Fear It Or Love It
by LightTraveler
Citation:   LightTraveler. "Fear It Or Love It: An Experience with DMT (exp97840)". Erowid.org. Apr 20, 2021. erowid.org/exp/97840

3 hits smoked DMT


[Here is my four-page trip report written an hour after the trip]

I was planning this experience all day. Our setting was in the wooded backyard of my home. We had a nice, small fire and it was around midnight. This would be my second time experiencing the great Divine Moment of Truth, and it really was one. My friends (B, A ,Ax ,H , and E) were there and I had already given them their first trips with the spirit molecule. Now it was my turn.

When I dosed my friends I didn’t use a scale but had some knowledge of how much it took for me to break through my first time. So, they all had about 30-40mg. Now for me, I wanted to get an intense experience so I ignorantly dipped the tip of my finger into the substance and put all that stuck into my bowl. I sat quietly in front of the fire as all my friends were talking about their own experiences. I took the first hit and held it for about 15 seconds. Then the second hit about the same length. At this point I was already blasting off. I had the sense that it was so familiar, déjà vu, almost like I was re-experiencing a death of one of my past lives. While open-eyed visuals swam around my vision, I went for it all and took the 3rd and final hit, filling my lungs and holding it.

Well it only took about three seconds for me to completely shed my ego, and move from sitting cross-legged on the ground to on my back arms and legs spread wide out. At this point the visual part of my trip is blacked-out of my memory, seeing everything so fast. But, I can describe some visuals, and a lot more sensations. The sensation of familiarity stuck with me. I knew for a fact I had visited this dimensional space or lived there, but not in my current life. The drug embraced my body and I felt a powerful but loving energy presence (I describe it now like as if I were adopted my whole life and finally able to hug my birth parents). Also, this dimension I was in was not 3rd dimensional at all my sense of orientation was completely gone. And my friends continued to talk around me which greatly confused me. I thought, “How can I be in a dimension with no directions? (up, down, front, back, side-to-side, in, out), and my friends are still here in their places while I am in no place or every place.” It is like how higher dimensions can see down to lower dimensions and see them as flat, like we normally see 2D images as flat. So whatever higher dimension my consciousness was in, I heard my friends voices and visualized their places flat like an image. This paradox also created the feeling that my consciousness was everything in the 3D world, my perspective changed from singular to unity. I was the 3D universe, I was the divine spirit or God, the collective unconsciousness. I became the Unity, not feeling and seeing the connection like on LSD, but actually becoming it.

My visuals at this point are incomprehensible to me now being sober. I remember throughout the entirety of the trip everything changed from organic carbon life forms to crystalline form full of sacred geometry and fractals. These visuals were both open and close-eyed, I didn’t make a difference at this point. It was particularly interesting too, I had taken my glasses off right as I initially laid back, so everything was still crystal clear even with out my glasses.

When I had blasted off I contacted entities of this dimension. They tried to teach me to let go of the fear. I really felt that an irreversible change had come over me, I might come back and if I did I would be locked up in an asylum. These were the fears that kept me from learning as much as I could. Although these entities were speaking telepathically to me I wasn’t able to learn from them because the whole time they spent teaching me to let go. At this point I felt like I had been stuck in this dimension for a thousand years. But time didn’t mean anything to me anyway. I felt I had to move on. I really gave in and let the spirits show me what I had to know. The only specific visual that stuck with me was this green background with a 3D clear, white elliptical sphere full of light. In this structure were hundreds of particles; red triangles, blue circles, yellow pluses. And I could view this from any angle because I was still the great Unity, not myself at all. I really had forgotten who I was, all my memories, and the fact that I had taken a drug to get me here. And that was truly scary.

My dog was down at the fire with us. He had come up and rubbed against my hands that were still spread wide out. I had felt his fur and presence around me. But I myself still wasn’t a solid object, still part of Unity, so I couldn’t comprehend the feeling of 3D shapes. I now describe this feeling of touching my dog like a warm furry double helix passing through my fingers. It was his energy essence.

So, in real time it was probably 10 minutes into the trip and I had already experienced 1000 lifetimes worth of births, knowledge, deaths, and rebirths. It was time for my consciousness to return to my physical body, but the entities wanted me to stay longer. I fought the trip, which wasn’t good but necessary for me to feel normal again. When I opened my eyes into my backyard, fire area everything was still very visual. Everything was fractalized, geometric, saturated, shimmering, and trailing. It took me about 10 more minutes for me to feel sober enough to stand up.

Lessons Learned / Knowledge Gained

• Probably should not take that much again
• Higher dimensions encompass lower dimensions, like 2D images in a 3D world
• I became everyone and everything, existence of a true collective unconsciousness
• My friends and environment all became a part of me and myself a part of them. Set and setting are very important.
• I experienced the Great Fear, so I have no reason to have fear in life.
• I died consciously (just like a natural death when the brain gets loaded with DMT). I was so thankful to be back I hugged everyone and said thank you.
• I quit smoking cigarettes. I tried to light on up after this trip but I took one drag and it felt so disgusting in my body.
• During the time I was so mind-fucked that I vowed off all drugs for the rest of my life (I'll see how I feel in a couple weeks).

I told my friends when I came back that I experienced everything, was everything, I became God, or reached Christ-consciousness. I said I had died and came back, and vowed off all drugs for life. And the most notable sensation was of familiarity, but all still bizarre and incomprehensible.

In the end of this whole experience I decided that the greatest gift of knowledge is that living is its own trip. I don’t need drugs to chase a feeling unreachable. When I die, that will be my final trip of this life, but I’ll be back for more. I do plan on using DMT again someday in the future. I got my kicks for now but when the right time and feeling comes I will venture off again to learn from the spirits, I’m definitely weighing out my dose though.

You are a spiritual being having a human experience
Your body is light, you are immortal
Your body is love, you are eternal

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 97840
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Apr 20, 2021Views: 106
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DMT (18) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)

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