BODY WEIGHT:

156 lb

I have done quite a few drugs in my time, everything from absinthe to DMT. I have cherished the unique flavor of many of the forbidden chemicals of our time, and embraced them. I guess you could say I have always had a love for the Opiate kingdom.

I remember getting into a fight when I was younger, my back hurt so I searched the cabinet for something to dull the pain. I came across something I hadn't noticed before, a bright red bottle that said TYLOX on it. These pills belonged to my deceased mother, so I figured they would do the trick for my aching back. I gobbled down three assuming they were just some strong Tylenol. I sat down to play Super Mario Brothers for a while. After a few minutes I became very relaxed. I felt my body was somewhat distant from me and I felt warm, so warm. Warmth like when it's so very cold outside and you sit by a warm fire. I decided that I had never been so comfortable in my life. All my troubles seemed to evaporate from under me as I was snugly wrapped into my blanket of comfort. I played the game some more and I began to itch. My face and arms and stomach all became very comfortingly itchy, not a bad itch, but more like every time I scratched a warmth would just spring up inside me. The feeling was orgasmic, I was in possession of the one and perfect and heavenly feeling, true and blissful contented Euphoria. I of course realized before too long that it had been the pills that had done it, at first I believed perhaps it was some acid catching up to me in a flashback, but nothing was distorted and I had never had a trip THAT good. I was very happy then because I finally knew what all the hype was about drugs. (before that experience I had only done hallucinogenic drugs), I could have plush pleasure at will, any time at all.

There were maybe 75 in the bottle, I did a good job at rationing them, mostly for tests and the occasional rainy day. I did a lot of research on pharmaceutical opiates after that. I read they were horribly addictive, but since I had a lot of prior experience with drugs I didn't think I'd have a problem. After all, I was in love. Over the years I would come across Pain pills once in awhile, once a friend of mine at the local pharmacy pulled a nice little scandal and 'accidentally threw away' a jug of Hydrocodone. I bought as many as he would give me, about three hundred from the 500 bottle. Things were all right for about a year after that. I would binge every once in awhile, but then I would stop. I had the will power that my friends thought was amazing. I actually saved my last 20 of them for months, only eating one when I had to study or if I got sick. Later on I chipped around with coke and just about everything else I could get a hold of. I could always get clean, though. Kicking coke, or anything, was a snap as long as I had my head on straight. An acid trip will take an addiction away mighty quick. I knew my love for opiates was great, so I vowed never to do Heroin.

My view changed very quickly upon a taste. My friend Nick had been doing it a while in secret, actually using my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend to take him to the city. I was mad he was hanging out with them at first, but I soon didn't care. He had dope on him a couple times when he was around me, and I always turned it down, until one night. I was having troubles with my girlfriend and Nick offered me a bump. He removed a small capsule from his pocket filled with brown powder and promptly put some out on a piece of paper. I hesitated for a minute, then decided to go for it, promising myself I would never touch it again. It blew up my nose and it burned. I felt it for a moment in the back of my nasal cavity and then became oblivious to it. I had read somewhere that Baltimore city has the best Heroin in the country, and being that I live quite close to the city, that of course is where this dope was from. I waited a few minutes, full of anticipation. I became a little sleepy but that was about the lot of it. Nick explained to me that there are two types of Heroin he gets in the city 1) Scrambled - comes in a capsule, lots of powder, not as pure, usually for shooting and 2) RAW- extremely pure Dope, comes in a vial, good to shoot or snort. By the time he broke it down for me I wasn't really paying attention, I was pissed that I wasn't high.

One day Nick could not find a ride down to the city with my ex-GF's BF, so he asked me to take him. He said he'd give me some for my trouble, I told him I'd rather have some gas money instead. Reluctantly I drove my way to the ghetto of Baltimore, Nick got two twenty vials filled with small brown rocks. He urged me to pull over so he could do some, I didn't really like the idea much, me being kind of a stranger to the city and all, but I agreed. We pulled into a Rite Aid and he eagerly set to work crushing two brown rocks into a powder. He cut the pile into two bumps and took one. He then handed the paper to me, and since I had driven all the way up to Baltimore for the shit, I decided I might as well taste it. The bump of scrambled had been much larger and had not affected me much, I asked him if this was enough. He just smiled a warm and contented smile and handed me the rolled up dollar. I blew it up my nose without any trouble. No burning like before. I wondered if I had totally inhaled it because I just couldn't feel it up there. Then the taste came. The most god awful taste I have ever experienced in my life. As it dripped down my throat, I suddenly grew a great grin, and the awful taste was now embraced as if it were candy.

The drive home was magical. I was more high than ever in my life, I looked back on the oxycodone experience of my youth and smiled. I was finally home again. I had been looking for that feeling all over the place, and just when I thought it would never grace me again, here it was, large as life. Of course I went back with Nick the next weekend. It ended up being a ritual, get up, get gas, pick up Nick, go to the city, cop dope, get high, drive home happy. From that moment on I was transformed into a completely different person. I told myself it was okay to chip around with this shit. I had kicked coke hadn't I? Soon enough I started going up there on my own, then I started going during the week, then I had to have a constant pile on my mirror to feel happy. I couldn't concentrate at work without it, although I was a star employee when I had it. When I had my dope ration, I was the most charismatic person on earth, always smiling and ready to lend a helping hand. I was actually given a Customer Service position because of my people skills. When the dope ran out it was hell. I'd never seen anything like it. My will could not overcome the unbearable depression that was forced on top of me. I became an animal, sweating, shaking, uncomfortable in every position. Luckily I always seemd to get dope when i really needed it. I did things I swore I'd never do. I stole from my family, I sold drugs to my peers, and I was lying to everyone.

I managed to keep it a secret from my girlfriend for a couple months, but she soon found out the truth when she came across a trash bag FULL of empty vials. Everything I was was in that chemical, no matter how fucked up life was I could always rely on my dope to make me feel better. I realized it was a lot nicer to shoot it and I could use less so it would last longer.

If it wasn't for my sweetheart I'd probably be dead right now. I managed to kick a couple times with the help of a clinic, but I always went back to the king. I finally found a method that works. I took a week off of work, I bought some hand cuffs, got really high and had my girlfriend chain me to the pole in the basement. She brought me food and drink, most of which I threw up, but it wasn't for one week I left that basement. If not for the crossword puzzles and JRR TOLKIEN's 'The Hobbit', I would have gone mad. I haven't touched the shit since, it's been almost a year now, sometimes I get tempted, but I just remember the misery of that basement and all I fucking went through for that drug.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 9791
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 21, 2001	Views: 30,116
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Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)