DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	Ketamine	(powder / crystals)
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

147 lb

Firstly I just want to say that I'm writing this report the day after the experience. My brain feels a little fried and unfortunately feel I won't be able to express myself all that well. I feel I should write it now though before I forget too much.

Also, I've had a huge amount of experience with both cannabis and ketamine. I've mixed them before, and done them individually hundreds of times (MJ more than K, but still have K-holed probably over 100 times in my life).

It had been a tough day. I had a big fight with one of my long-term girlfriends (will call her R -- am polyamorous btw), and things weren't looking good between us.

I was staying with my other girlfriend (we'll call her P) at the time. She had been out in the day and I had done a bit of ketamine (~60mg). Later that evening, I had some more K (~60-80mg), whilst chatting with my other R.

After a while P said she wanted some weed, so I rolled one and we smoked. Soon after we decided to watch some more American Dad. I decided to do some more K (~60-80mg -- not exactly sure of doses as I was eye-balling) and lay down. To note, I was NOT expecting to K-hole. I just wanted enough to feel some nice dissociation and psychedelia.

After a short while I noticed something wasn't right. I started to feel extremely unsteady. And it felt like my whole body was vibrating . I immediately started to panic and remember thinking, 'oh fuck, this is going to be bad.'

The next 5-10 minutes were some of the most intense in my life. P told me that after taking my glasses off I stood up from the bed and spat my mint out of my mouth. I vaguely remember looking at that bed and P who was sitting on it. She told me that at that point I moved around in a very agitated manner (sort of thrashing my arms around, but more in a way where they bent and close to my chest. I think as well my fists were clenched).

Reality started to break down completely. Synaesthesia kicked in and I started to feel as if my body was being torn apart (it felt like my mind was being ripped apart too). My vision became split into alternate realities and I felt myself merging between them. This was an extremely visceral experience that I find very hard to describe. If there's one thing I can say for sure about it though is that I found it incredibly uncomfortable and frightening.

The whole time in this experience I had an extremely weird narrative going on that in retrospect seems like a schizophrenic delusion. In that state I feel like I could have done something extremely life-threatening.

The whole time this was happening I was basically having a full-blown panic attack. I was hyper-ventilating, feeling like I was about to die (genuinely believing it 100% -- and genuinely believing 100% that I needed to go to the hospital), and feeling extremely faint.

The sensation of impending doom was so intense. I felt as if I had just stepped off the edge of a cliff and was about to die any second. As somebody who has had a number of panic attacks, this was by far the worst. I'm not sure if I ever felt fear quite like it.

Fortunately P was there to help me. She laid me down on the bed and tried to comfort me. She told me that I had taken ketamine and that it will wear off soon.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Before I laid down I had this experience of feeling like I was stuck between two alternate realities. My whole body was buzzing and I felt as if I was almost split in two. It's so hard to describe how it felt, but I immediately had this fear that I'd be stuck in this state for the rest of my life. It was completely mad. I felt mad. I had had this feeling before, but I had only experienced it briefly when cycling through different realities in my mind (to note, I don't believe I was actually travelling between different universes, just that I was cycling through different interpretations of reality, or just through a slowed down version of my experience. Like I was consciously moving through things in more of a frame-by-frame basis. Truthfully though I'm not exactly sure what was happening).

One other crazy thing in this experience that my vision was very literally split up into these different windows almost, windows to different realities, and that it was like fractal vision, but in square frames all shifting in size. Again, I felt split between them, and could become more merged with another. The sensation of being split, pulled, and sucked into them was absolutely insane! This also played into the narrative that was going on, but unfortunately I cannot remember what it was. I'm pretty sure though it didn't really make much sense.

On the bed I was hyper-ventilating. I said to P that I didn't know what I was. And at the time I barely recognised who she was either. I got her to hold my hand and asked her if I was vibrating (to note, this vibrating feeling could be felt, seen, and heard all at the same time -- I describe this experience as synaesthesia -- and as well this multi-sense experience was all part of the feeling ripped apart and shifting between alternate psychological realities). She said that I wasn't vibrating.

I continued to panic, but had moments of feeling calmer. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I asked P to check my heart. She said it was okay.

I had so many thoughts running through my head, trying to make sense of what was going on. All along having this intense rushing feeling. For a while I had felt mad, that I had lost my mind, never to turn back.

After about 15 minutes of the panic attack I was calm and back to reality. I was tripping pretty heavily still. The walls appeared scary to me, and there was this sense of hell too. In fact, at one point in the trip I remember being scared that I was entering into my own personal hell, and would be forced to live in it until I died.

After this trip I decided that I didn't want to K-hole anymore. I realise that I have too many troubles with anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD. This was the 2nd time I'd had a similar experience in the past month. I just feel it's selfish for me to do it as it puts so much pressure on P. And as well, I seriously think I could have done something extremely dangerous in that delusional state.

Sorry for the poor descriptions of my experience. I'm usually better at writing, but I guess that experience last night kinda fucked me up a bit.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98018
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Nov 30, 2016	Views: 8,975
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Ketamine (31), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)