DOSE:

20 mg

4-AcO-DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I wanted to write things down as I'm experiencing them.

I took about 20mg of 4-aco-dmt about three hours ago. I don't want to get into the way things were leading up to now so much, I'm more interested in talking about now, not because now is particularly special, but because it's occurring at the moment. Although now is quite special. I'm feeling things on a very deep level. I don't feel as though anything has been added to my experience of the world. I feel that things that are often in the way of it have largely been removed, allowing me to observe, not just reality as it appears outside, but the ways that I interact with it from inside.

I don't feel that I've ever really been this aware. I feel as though everything I perceive, I perceive fully, as though my satori switch is flipped, and I just see things as they are. I can see how people would describe it as being very strange and 'muddied' if they let themselves get lost in one layer of processing or another, but there's really nothing muddy about it. It's just that with normal filters down, I can notice my mind trying to make sense of the information it receives (and generates internally).

A lot of that is very playful stuff, and can be mistaken for chemicals 'making you see strange things.' That's not what's happening at all. For example, as I write this, there are parts of my brain trying to make sense of what I'm doing, and I have almost this extra-sensory-perception sort of feeling (some very definite 'sense' of things that I wouldn't normally experience, but that seems very real) that there are these organic, branching strands, like neurons, elastically reaching out and trying to understand what's happening, so as I perceive my organism trying to understand this process, I perceive my organism on another level trying to make a representation of the process it's perceiving. It's very interesting. And that sort of layering feels like it goes on endlessly, and it's all woven around this central process, that is what I call me. These deep ecstatic realizations occur here. I have that sense that there is a deeper level of understanding, where you go beyond the veil of the world, because right now, I can perceive that this place in the center of experience holds a key, and if I reach out and take the key, everything will dissolve. I don't know if that's something I need to see or not. Right now the thought of going there is interesting, but only as interesting as the word interesting. Not terribly.

I was thinking about that an hour ago. I was sitting outside in the sun and I was watching my brain play with trying to understand the information field of the yard, and it was seeing the grass breathing, and I was thinking about that quote about the master who makes the grass green. And I was feeling my organism struggling to understand a disruption in the information field of the yard, where a patch of grass grew by itself, and somewhat darker, and of a different species than the rest, and I'm watching my organism recreate this all as I type, and it's adding so much to the memory, and that's cute, but what I was saying was that there was this patch of grass that differed from the rest and it caused my organism to want to perceive it as sort of a black hole, (and this is all happening mostly, not completely, but mostly, in what would ordinarily be the subconscious realm, so I'm only actually seeing this in that I'm seeing my organism seeing it that way) and everything in the yard has a tendency to want to fall into it, along a curve. I realize fully that this is just my brain playing with the information it receives. I have no sense that this is actually occurring, but then I also remain agnostic as to whether the grass is actually just sitting there as I normally cause it to do.

I seem to keep spiraling back to this 'I' with the key, that like that black hole in the grass, seems to lead to some deeper understanding. But I don't think it will be an understanding. I think it will be beyond understanding. The reality it guards is the supreme mystery at the center of all of all of all of all (yeah, I realize I just did that, but it was fun for my brain to see the patterns emerge as I typed, so I let it keep them), and that mystery is what is on the other side of 'I'

The other side of I is like the other side of the big bang. In fact I think one is exactly like the other. There is no difference between the two. I is the very process where information emerges from nothingness. And it is only that. It is a process. It is not a thing, and it is not strictly speaking a gateway, because it doesn't lead to anything that isn't right here. It's only creating and organizing information. The same process that drives the expansion of the universe, is what is at work in the I that we look through. The exact same process is what we see there. It's like asking what is a wave. It is a process occurring. There's really nothing else to it, except to describe how the process behaves. But I is where the wave meets land. I is the land, but it isn't. It's a wave too.

Or something.

OK, I'm going back out there...

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 98387
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 39
Published: Dec 25, 2012	Views: 4,905
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : General (1), Unknown Context (20)