Citation: Frankie. "A Fluttering Page of Existence: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp98711)". Erowid.org. Jan 20, 2020. erowid.org/exp/98711
About a week prior to this, I experimented with Salvia along with my bestie. I took a small trip back in time to a speakeasy. I never actually make it inside, but the experience had left me feeling optimistic about the drugs' capabilities. I did slip out of reality, but I was still very grounded at the same time and never lost full awareness. I was left feeling comfortable with salvia and I decide to forgo the sitter for the next trip. This ends up being a big mistake.
I decide to forgo the sitter for the next trip. This ends up being a big mistake.
Loaded my trusty bong with a bowl of Salvia 10x. Decided to 'take it easy' and only fill the bowl 1/3rd of the way. Started up the song Ain't Misbehavin by Fats Waller. I take one huge hit, hold it in, but not for too long. Then I lift the chamber and clear it completely. That's where my reality completely shatters.
The next thing I know I'm being awoken by some sort of cosmic joke. It's as if the world is a giant book and the page is being closed on everyone's existence. There is a line of people and they're all folding over like dominoes and giving up their realities. I can see entire personalities and the lives that go with them just casually folding over and ending, and this line is quickly closing in on my existence. The line starts to pick up speed. I realize what is happening and decide I need to fight it. I'm able to stall the gap that is closing in on me, but I know it's futile. In the battle my reality gets caught as if it's a page in a book that someone is trying to turn, trepidatiously lowering and rising. They're trying to turn me over, but I refuse. I'm stuck in this loop and the line skids along my existence. I hear voices above me discussing the situation. They're discussing the fact that I'm not ready yet to give up on my reality even though it's false and express pity for my situation. I know that everyone else folded over without a hitch and I am causing a lot of commotion for these omnipotent 'beings'. I'm aware of the fact that I'm realizing this all much later than everyone else. I wonder to myself why I was so naive before. I look back fondly on my life and the people who were in it. I'm saddened by the fact that all of the connections I had made and people who I loved never really existed. All of this is juxtaposed by the wonderfully upbeat Aint Misbehavin. The song continues to play throughout even though I had lost my headphones long ago. The page is starting to close down on my neighborhood, on my neighbor's house, and I'm beginning to accept and fold over.
This is where I can feel something suck me back into reality. A friendly hand grabbing my arm. It's my neighbor. Evidently I've managed to get out of bed, step over a baby gate, unlock 2 locks on the front door, 2 locks on the screen door, and venture out onto the grass in the front yard. This is where my savior neighbor has found me crawling around on my hands and knees. At this point I'm completely aware that this reality is not actually real and I'm stuck in between the two worlds.
I'm completely aware that this reality is not actually real and I'm stuck in between the two worlds.
I can choose to accept the facade and continue on with my existence. The more I believe the higher the page starts to lift, re-exposing my life and the small details. Or I can accept my newly discovered knowledge and let them finish closing the page. I keep saying to myself that I just want to return to my reality. Thankfully my neighbor is an experienced psychonaut and looks after me until I sober up. I find much solace in her warm eyes and we spend much time just looking into one another. (Thank god, I really lucked out that she was the one to find me.)
It takes me roughly 40 minutes in order to sober up enough. I'm very glad to be back at home and back in my life.
'We're so lucky to be in this world.' I'm happy I uttered a sentence like that and meant it so completely. At that point I didn't feel like my body was actually mine, and I was very pleased with the fact that I had this young 29 year old female's body at my disposal to return to if I so chose. This was the first point that self awareness had returned to me and I realized that I am happy with myself. Felt great. Side note, I remember seeing the green, red, and white bracelet that my ex had made me around my wrist and it was extremely comforting.
I remember getting a huge kick out of curtains. Curtains seemed like such a hilariously small detail in such an enormous world.
Even though this would be categorized as a bad trip, I feel I have a new found awareness and appreciation for what I've allowed into my life. An overall glow and happiness has cascaded over me and I don't want to forget this. Don't think I'll ever actually be able to anyway.
I definitely lost track of time throughout the trip. Minutes felt like hours. It was around 4pm when I finally fully returned back to my normal self. It was so weird to be held in the grasp of a negative world that I did not want to return to, but had little to no control over whether or not it would take be under again. I fell under it's spell about 3 or 4 times while trying to fight it off. I couldn't have been happier when I finally returned to my life for good.
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