Citation: Anonymous. "Nice but No Ecstasy: An Experience with MDMA (exp98845)". Erowid.org. Feb 7, 2019. erowid.org/exp/98845
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 24:00
||(powder / crystals)
I’m a big fan of electronic dance music. My previous experiences with psychoactive substances were mostly about caffeine, alcohol, and a little bit of marihuana and hash. I’ve always had lots of anxieties, mostly related to interactions with other people. 4 years ago I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with social phobia (social anxiety disorder). For 1 year I took Paroxetine – an SSRI drug prescribed to treat depression and different kinds of anxieties. I finished taking it 3 years ago. I also went on psychotherapy, but it didn’t help me much. I’ve never had a girlfriend and don’t even know how it feels to be in love. But at least I could go out, meet some people and enjoy parties with my favorite music.
And so I was on one of these big international festivals, dancing and enjoying music with my friends. I knew it was the best possible place and time to try my first serious drug, whether MDMA or LSD. Finally I bought a bag with 1 g of crystal/powder MDMA. I licked my small finger, put it into the bag and licked up the white stuff that stuck to it. I did it two times, as my friends told me this should be about 100 mg, a single dose. The substance was SALTY AND BITTER.
Many thoughts came to my mind. Will the drug work for me at all? If yes, will it be nice? If it increases body temperature and blood pressure and there is so hot here, could I have heart attack, a stroke or hyperthermia? Or maybe the opposite, could it help me to fix my brain and free me from my anxieties? All in all, it affects serotonin in the brain, just like SSRI-s and itself was researched and used by psychologists. But generally I tried not to think too much and just enjoyed my time while dancing to the music.
About half an hour after taking the drug, I began to feel SOMETHING STRANGE. It is hard to describe, it was neither nice nor unpleasant – just strange. Then, despite not dizzy or fainting, I felt a NEED TO SIT DOWN on the ground and so I did it. Later that day my friends told me that it is a usual effect of when MDMA is setting on. When I stood up and looked around, I noticed that everything I could see, hear and feel was somehow DIFFERENT, RENEWED. The music, decorations, people around… all was so BEAUTIFUL. I could best describe it using words of my friend, who said that after MDMA “EVERYTHING IS SO F***ING AWESOME!” Even when I went to pee, the smell by the toilets felt awesome – not pleasant by itself, but just like everything else – GOOD, FITTING, BEING IN A RIGHT PLACE.
I also felt a HEAT in my head, on my forehead and inside my veins. I knew I probably had increased body temperature so I have to stay in shade and drink a lot of water. But then again, it was very nice, I liked that feeling. Also TOUCH felt somehow different, more pleasant. I touched my skin or clothes many time to check that. I could also FEEL MY MUSCLES, like feeling every single strain inside when straightening my arm. On the other hand, I seemed to totally lose interest in what particular song was currently played by the DJ or when the song was changing.
More importantly, all my ANXIETIES DISAPPEARED. It was wonderful.
all my ANXIETIES DISAPPEARED. It was wonderful.
I could think and act reasonably, like stay in the shade and drink lots of water because it’s so sunny and hot. But every time I thought about something like this, I knew that normally an accompanying anxiety would appear in my mind, reminding me how dangerous the sun is and what consequences it could have to my health. This time it didn’t appear, I was literally unable to feel that anxiety. When I walked through the scorching midday sun on my way from the dancefloor to the toilets, I even thought that this warmth the sun caused on my body was quite enjoyable!
They say MDMA is a “hug drug” – empathogenic substance inducing feeling of oneness and closeness with others and a need to hug everyone. That was not very strong in my case. I was looking around and looking into other peoples’ eyes in search for this feeling. I SMILED at people and they often reciprocated. I felt that all of them are HAPPY AND FRIENDLY, but that is what I generally feel on this kind of parties. I didn’t start conversation with strangers, but I TALKED a lot with my friends and HUGGED with them sometimes. I was wondering if people notice I’m on drugs by looking at my eyes, but I actually DIDN’T CARE.
I believe these mental effects lasted for about one hour, but maybe it was more as I totally lost my sense of time then. I can remember when I once looked at my watch, I thought the TIME PASSES BY VERY FAST when on MDMA. During that time I ate another “finger” of the substance two times, but it’s hard to tell what effect it had on me. Maybe just prolonged my experience? For several hours I could DANCE INTENSIVELY WITH NO FATIGUE – which I believe is another very important effect of the drug.
Later I felt that the drug is coming down – I had some HEADACHE and started to YAWN a lot. My friend told me that yawning is the typical effect of MDMA coming down. I could believe that especially as it was also the side effect of Paroxetine, so it must be related somehow to serotonin level in the brain. I also felt SLEEPY. Every time I closed my eyes, I had something like a MICRO-DREAM with some random content, lasting for only a fraction of second while I kept dancing. It was nice and funny effect. Finally I went to some other place to sit down and chill out. I had a casual chat with some guy there. After the rest, I ate another two “fingers” of the drug and went back to the dancefloor. The effect was not so strong this time, but again I felt the HEAT and ENERGY TO DANCE for next several hours.
Next day I FELT GREAT, just like every day on that festival. Only my MUSCLES HURT a bit, like I had worked out on the gym the previous day. That day I again took 3 “fingers” of MDMA two times – once in the morning, once in the afternoon after some rest and in the meantime I took some more many times during partying. We spent almost whole day on the dancefloor, dancing to great music and having great time. I also gave some of the drug to my friends. They didn’t seem to dance very intensively or smiling a lot when on MDMA, but I knew they felt it and enjoyed it as much as I did. Somehow I felt they were VERY NICE PEOPLE despite I didn’t know them very well. At the end of that day, the bag was empty. From the drug I had, even if it was not full 1 g and I gave some of it to my friends, I believe I took most of it – more than 500 mg in 2 days. Quite heavy dose as for the first time.
On my way back from the festival, I was thinking about that experience and concluded that it wasn’t very strong. It definitely wasn’t an ecstatic experience. I didn’t really feel that PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect) – the credo of electronic dance music culture, which comes from the feeling MDMA gives, as some people claim. Actually I have experienced in my life much more intense, euphoric moments when dancing on some party, induced only by the set and setting, music and some alcohol. I could say that for me MDMA does not even alter the state of mind as much as alcohol does – quantitatively, because qualitatively I like the effects of MDMA much more. I definitely want to take it again sometimes when a good opportunity arises. But only if I find it in crystalline form, because I know that Ecstasy pills are usually fake and contaminated with some bad stuff.
From the effects I had days after taking the drug, the unpleasant ones were some diarrhea and sleeplessness. They lasted for several days. Every night I couldn’t sleep until for example 4 A.M. and later I woke up about every hour. That was not very disturbing for my normal life though and outweighed by positive effects.
From positive effects I noticed IMPROVED PERCEPTION. Not that my vision or hearing improved, but it was like my brain was processing sensations better. I was more aware of the signals from my body
it was like my brain was processing sensations better. I was more aware of the signals from my body
, as well as all things I see, hear and smell. For example, I can remember walking a several-meters long path among bushes near my house. On my way I had incredible amount of nice sensations. I’ve seen so many different kinds of plants, weeds and herbs, flowers of different colors, a snail crossing the path, then another snail, then an earthworm… All this in just several seconds during normal walk. I also became more SENSITIVE TO TOUCH, aware of the texture of surfaces I touch. Probably that’s why I started to clean my house better :)
I could also notice that my INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE IMPROVED. I can remember that in different situations I talked to people I could feel more comfortable, smile a lot, be talkative, express and feel the empathy to the other person, comparing to what I remember from the time before the party.
These positive effects lasted for about 2 weeks after taking the drug. Since then I took MDMA several more times and all the effects, both when on drug and in the days after, were again very similar to what I described here.
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