Citation: Itsawaynow. "5 Month Fling - the Pros and the Cons: An Experience with Ethylphenidate (exp98863)". Erowid.org. Jan 7, 2013. erowid.org/exp/98863
After years of reading various experience reports, I felt it was time to finally pass on information in the hopes somebody will find it useful. Since the age of 16 I've tried the usual: alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana etc. I have also had each of the following once - amphetamine, cocaine, psilocybin mushrooms and nutmeg (Don't underestimate nutmeg).
The ethylphenidate arrived as a neatly packaged white powder from an online vendor. I wouldn't particularly recommend buying chemicals online, whether the sellers are upfront about the purpose of your purchase or not. There was never anything wrong with the products I bought, but there is far less known about 'Research Chemicals' than controlled substances. Knowing that I was essentially a guinea pig, the total amount I received was 500 milligrams. At the time I was needing excitement to try and get a life, motivation for enjoying myself. I'd entered into a job that was turning out to be a disaster, leaving me exhausted and apathetic.
In trying to snap myself out of this state, I planned to do something I'd always wanted to do but never had the energy for. I took a short ferry across the river where I live to a more isolated area, filled with woodland and large hills/ small mountains. I was jittery and filled with excitement, because 10 minutes prior to leaving I had swallowed a cigarette skin with approx. 50mg of ethylphenidate powder inside. This was only placebo, but even at that I was glad to be optimistic for once, instead of being a cynical nervous wreck.
I was with 2 friends on this hillwalking/exploration trip, and on getting off the ferry they noted how much more talkative I was than normal. There was definitely a more tranquil feeling, despite there being slight excitement (probably from anticipation) For several years I have had a problem with intense paranoia. Never to the point of delusion, but to the point where crowds have always made me uncomfortable. If somebody laughs behind me, it feels like I need to wrestle with myself as I sweat, chest pounding in order to stop from checking who/what they are laughing at. Today, however, those thoughts were all but gone. I was rational, focused, able to string thoughts together without going off on tangents and without being interrupted by the noises of the outside world.
I have always been easily distracted by anything in my peripheral vision, as well as background noise of any kind, and it made me wonder if something had been missed during childhood. Perhaps an ADD/ADHD diagnosis was on the cards, and I had slipped through the relatively poor net the NHS sets for these kind of problems. It's taken me several days of having good intentions and an open document to begin to put a single word of this down, and because this happens all the time it can be incredibly frustrating (particularly as I'd love to make a living from writing) It was causing me horrid problems when it came to paperwork in my new job, as I couldn't listen to instructions for more than 30 seconds without drifting off somewhere else. This all went through my head as we neared the middle of the 800 foot or so hill. I sat down at a bench and downed another little paper bomb of ethylphenidate, this time at a larger dose. I had no way of precisely telling how much, but It was between 80 and 100mgs this time.
It was quite a warm day. We had sunglasses and bottles of water, but my hands felt mildly colder than the rest of me as we reached the top. I know that people shouldn't attempt extreme exercise on stimulants due to vasoconstriction. Our progress was slow and steady with me leading at the front, and I was drinking water far faster than I normally would. In restrospect I wish I'd left some for the travel home. My neutral but excited mood had improved and I told my friends repeatedly that 'This is a good day'. I remember just grinning when lifting my sunglasses and noticing what seemed to be more vivid colouring than usual. Everything seemed a bit fuller, friendlier. When we sat at the top the weather had cooled, taking a lot of the colour from my hands. I wasn't uncomfortable, and would have been happy to sit there in the grass for longer.
On the way down I made my mistake and decided to have one more bomb. I put roughly the same as the first amount (50mg) in a skin and swallowed it with the rest of the water. The stuff, along with that elevated feeling, was very moreish. I was still okay on the descent until we reached the town where we would get the ferry. The exercise combined with the substance and lack of water left me feeling incredibly dehydrated to the point of feeling faint. I had overstepped the mark this time, but it was a consolation to know where to stop with recreational doses. In a cafe asking for a drink was a pretty nervous process. I felt slightly panicked at how sudden the heat and lack of water had hit me, and was pretty sure the person behind the counter thought I was on something, since when I ordered my words came out so hurried. On the ferry home I didn't say much, just hoping the overheated feeling would subside. This was my experience in April 2012, and there were more to come.
Mulling over that day made me settle on never taking the large doses again, but instead on small amounts to see if it could have a practical application. For five days in a row I took a small bomb of a minute amount, never going close to the 50mg of my first dose (At least not in a work setting) The amount I took was approx. 15mg. I equated a small effective dose of methylphenidate (Ritalin) to be similar to ethylphenidate. In terms of being a help for concentration it was spectacular. There was a complete change in attention span, and for the first time in a long time I could drown out the world around the pages I was trying to study and complete. The willingness to complete tasks was almost a new experience for me, and it felt for once that I could get out of the hole of disorganization I'd been stuck in for years.
Socialising with colleages was far easier too. Let me point out that I didn't chat endlessly like when climbing that hill. It was good to be an occasional participant, rather than never talking unless when spoken to. In terms of appetite nothing was amiss, and full lunches could still be eaten without trouble. But: why did there have to be a but. It wore off after an hour, leaving me as nervous as I would be without it, and with no focus. I had no problem with this – what some people would think was a negative comedown is for me daily anxious life. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the worst days without any chemicals. Taking this amount several times a day to be productive would have been a bad idea, and would have probably been overpowering in terms of stimulation. With this in mind the short daily regime was discontinued, and the job was left soon after by choice in May.
Around a week before leaving I was seeing some live music. In my pocket was the supposedly Ritalin equivalent dose I chose not to take that day. And while sitting waiting with a drink the genius idea came – I shrugged and bombed it with my drink. And over the night I drank quite a lot. Maybe five or six drinks more than I would normally have, or could handle. It was a quite neutral experience. In crowds at gigs I tend to be nervous, and was only moderately less this time. Despite all the drink the powers of recall were enhanced twofold, and describing the show in writing was very easy the next morning, with some perhaps still in the system. Despite being very mentally drunk, there was no staggering or clumsiness. But as mentioned earlier, the drug only seems to have a noticeable effect for at most, an hour and a half. On the train home it wore off, which then let the excessive alcohol hit me. I was woken up by the conductor near the last stop, and staggered home slowly.
Having quickly used up the rest of the small quantity in unremarkable events (Oh, and that includes spilling about half of it on the floor when making a bomb) I looked at buying a larger amount this time. This time I got a larger quantity of ethylphenidate, and also some 1mg etizolam pills (At the opposite end of the spectrum they would come in handy, and they turned out to be quite special on their own, but obviously not a daily, or even weekly treat) I was to discover how they went hand in hand with ethylphenidate near the end of May.
Coming home drunk, it suddenly felt like the greatest idea to take ethyl! There have always been moments when we didn't want a night to end, and now it didn't have to! Unlike the gig, I was planning on having it 70/30 ethyl to alcohol. So this time I was more sober, but just tipsy enough to bomb two 75mg skins of ethyl, making for a total of 150mg in about an hour. The mixture was just perfect, but I thought 'More! More!' I was building into a controlled pleasurable, selfish rage. A sexual lust to match any I've ever felt filled me, and I imagine many people would enjoy being this way during sex. There was no shrinkage like with amphetamines, so strenuous activity would be (And oh my, it was) possible.
Music. Music was the key. There have been several times where drugs have burned a song into my head, meaning that forever after when it plays I'm brought back to that unique mindset of the time. For a night with more marijuana than I'd ever seen in person, never mind smoked, it would be 'I Could Be Happy' by Altered Images. The hidden depression in her voice was uncovered by me and me alone that night, and for that reason I treasure it. When I hear 'Mind/Body/Light/Sound' by Swans I remember the beautiful electric jolts that amphetamines gave me, convincing me there was a thriving, active world out there to revel in.
With 'ethyl' it was 'Transparency' by D'eon. It was given a cursory glance and then overlooked, but now it had been transformed. Rather, I was now transformed to the point of letting every second release euphoria. It became the soundtrack to my whole night, being the only song played (around 50 times) until the sun came up. Water was a must, and around three litres were drank over the roughly four hours spent stimulated. The mental images conjured were astounding, as if the artist had created it entirely for somebody taking ethyl. When the sun rose, turning my blinds blood red, it was one of the most awe inspiring things in memory. The most joy I have yet felt. Of course, these nights must end, so I took an etizolam which settled me down. Around half an hour after that I was asleep.
On waking things weren't horrible or laden with doom like I'd expected, due to the etizolam saving me from sleep deprivation. In June and July I pushed it further several times to the point where I would come home drunk on weekends and expect to mindlessly take around 200mg of ethyl, like a routine. Those nights were enjoyable, but not any more than the first. Adding to that, it took 2mg instead of 1mg etizolam to get me sleeping on those nights.
At the start of August I consumed perhaps 250mg overnight in 3 bombs, which basically left me glued to the toilet with mild nausea, abdominal pains coming in waves and an aversion to even water, never mind food. Despite desperately needing this 2 litre bottle of water, drinking from it would only upset my stomach. In that state I didn't feel comfortable taking etizolam, as a fear sank in that my body would be overloaded by chemical cocktails. To avoid suspicion I stayed up until the next night. I was drained by the end of that day. Jumpy and upset. This was the comedown that I thought was beyond me. For the whole day my brain told me to cry, but it never happened. I couldn't. Maybe there wasn't enough water left in my body to waste on tears.
After one further bad experience (not on that scale) the ethylphenidate was thrown in the bin. I hope this writing has laid out the best and worst of 'ethyl' for you. Very interesting, yes. Fascinating memories, yes. Hazardous to health, yes (In large doses) In the end, maybe I'm just oblivious that many have lived through nights exactly like these on Ritalin. If you plan on taking it with alcohol, I'd suggest that you don't push it like I did. Could have ended up far worse, and then nobody would have read this.
ps. I know currently Ethylphenidate is considered a low profile legal high / research chemical compared to Methoxetamine and Mephedrone. But there is a chance that could be about to change in the UK. In a Home Affairs Committee document from December 2012 it is referred to as 'Ethylphenidate (AKA:Legal Crack)' in an annex on drugs available in the UK.
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