Citation: GingerTripper. "Terrifying Rebirth: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT & Cannabis (exp98880)". Erowid.org. Nov 1, 2018. erowid.org/exp/98880
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
For the background of me, I have had almost a lifetime of marijuana experience, along with substances such as salvia, DMT, LSD, 2C-I,and DOC. I hate drinking, and I love trips. Sorry for being brief, but I've explained this many times before.
As for the more important information, here is the background of the trip. I planned to take 100mg of 4-AcO-DMT to my sister's house in Santa Cruz for 3 people, including me, to share while my sister was a work for 4 hours. We had already planned to smoke and eat edibles, but I usually take trips when I visit, and it had been so long since I had taken one. The last time I had taken a trip there was when I took 50mg of 2C-I on an empty stomach on 4/20, and I brought an ounce and a half of weed with me. The visuals were on par with DMT, and the mental state I was in was terrifying, but also very amusing. The problem with a lot of the details about how I felt was that I forgot most of them. So here goes my trip report.
3:15 - I split the 100mg of 4-AcO-DMT into 3 cups of Cherry Kool-Aid each labelled with their dosage (50mg, 30mg, and 20mg). Me, one of my best friends C, and my pretty good friend R, all down our cocktails, and wait for any sign of effects.
3:25 - I am starting to zone out a bit, and everything is definitely a lot more bright, and vibrant. I am really giddy, and excited for what is to come. I am almost upset that the substance only lasts 4 hours.
3:35 - The back of my head feel like a solid brick. The come up is intense. I start to laugh hysterically at the smallest things. R gives me funny looks when I look around at odd knick knacks, and that spurs the laughter. It bothered me that I could not control my laughter, which does not usually happen. It wasn't even the fact that something was really funny. The drug was laughing, and I could do nothing about it.
It bothered me that I could not control my laughter, which does not usually happen. It wasn't even the fact that something was really funny. The drug was laughing, and I could do nothing about it.
3:50 - Me, C, R, B (my sister's friend and roommate), and K (B's brother), all decide to go smoke in the garage after I rolled a blunt and 2 joints. We sat on boogey boards and a mattress, and smoked away.
3:55 - The weed smacked me in the face. My head was solid, and the visuals were digging in deep. I noticed that the scene in front of me started separating from my field of vision. There was a sea of black, reflecting the image of the garage above it, almost like the 'Cover Flow' feature on many Apple devices. It was interesting that I could still do the ghost trick, and the french inhale with my blunt, as I was pretty impaired. I kept zoning out, and many times, I saw an evil looking face that was more realistic than everything that it was composed of, but it was composed of everything I could see. From now on, I will refer to the untainted, unaffected vision of reality through the eyes of a sober being, as vision 1, and whatever I saw, as vision 2.
Also, I felt it was necessary to add the vibes I got from my environment. It was strange. I usually get along with all of these people, but when I was smoking, I noticed that the personalities I saw in people kind of killed my innocence in a way. R started smoking a cigarette, and he was giving me a vibe that I get when I think about snooty hipsters that are over dramatic, and very into their social appearance. He was almost, acting...but in real life. Then K started to look, and act weird. His hair is already out of the norm. I don't think it's bad, and I don't talk down to people, but when I was looking at him, it almost looked like a wig of George Washington's hair, but in curly dreadlocks. Then C was just going crazy. He was having a blast, but I felt really guilty for giving him so much of what I was also on. I feared he would have a bad trip, or have some sort of health problem.
4:00 - I walk to the bathroom because I drank a lot of water. I was stumbling quite a lot, and the visuals were insane. This was like the come down of DMT. Every surfaces was warping, shifting, changing in the most crazy way imaginable. Colors were shifting, mirrors were just picture frames with a copy of myself on the other side. I was worried. I sat on the toilet to hope that anything would happen to relieve me of my stomach ache, for all I had consumed was kool-aid and some caffeine that morning. Sitting on the toilet felt like I was on a chair levitating in an enormous, hollow sphere, made of all of the parts of the bathroom. I felt confused, and I was frightened for the rest of the come up.
4:10 - I ended up not doing anything in the bathroom other than worry myself that I might have taken too much, and that I would disappoint my parents if I died. I've read about other people saying that they accepted the fact that they 'died' in their trip, but I didn't want to give up, just in case I was actually dying. I even told myself days before the trip, that everything would be alright, because in the end, there is no chance of dying, especially with 50mg. This did not matter in my state of mind. I was higher than ever, and I could only think about death. I walked into the kitchen and got some more water. Everybody came in from the garage, and I felt guilty for maybe making them feel as though I had left them on purpose. I didn't; I was just trying to calm myself down, which I failed to do.
4:20-4:35 - I sat on a chair in the kitchen, as everybody else conversed in the same room. I said nothing more than one or two word responses to a direct question addressed to me. I was zoning out, and staring at the floor. My world was changing, and too quickly for my liking. I couldn't support myself sitting upright in a chair, and the talking was getting difficult to process. There were images flashing in my head, and visuals wrapping their devious hands around the throat of my sight.
There were images flashing in my head, and visuals wrapping their devious hands around the throat of my sight.
I decided to lay down on the couch in the living room, and I made sure to check my heart rate. I have an app on my phone (yes, it measures BPM quite accurately with the camera, no one believes me that it works, I trust it.) and I tested myself. My heart rate was at around 98-101 BPM. That was not bad for me, considering the last time I took DOC and a weed together, I was at around 210, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. As I laid down, vision 2 was overwhelming. The basic functions of living became conscious tasks. I had to remember to breath, swallow, blink, look, move my arms so they didn't fall asleep, and think clearly. I got tired of being around everybody else for 2 reasons: 1. Because I didn't want to drag down anyone else's high with my worried, boring face, and 2. Because the noise and comfort level of where I was, was unbearable.
4:40 - I went into my sister's room to go to the bathroom, this time I could actually go, but the visuals were beyond this world. It was like salvia, DMT, and 2,000 micro gram acid trip combined. I was blinded by visuals. I ended up making my way into my sister's bed to try and sleep off this madness. Closing my eyes made no difference because of the sheer insanity going on in vision 2. This was not even a level of visuals that could have ended up spiritually enlightening. I could no longer think. The only thing on my mind was my subconscious conducting the orchestra of visuals based on my deepest fears. Nothing stayed still, nothing was fun, I was in misery. I could not control my own body. I could not think. I could not move when I wanted to. I was a pile of meat, with a brain being raped by the psychedelic demons of 4-AcO-DMT.
I was in misery. I could not control my own body. I could not think. I could not move when I wanted to. I was a pile of meat, with a brain being raped by the psychedelic demons of 4-AcO-DMT.
Nothing made sense.
4:45 - I went into the bathroom again. This time, as I looked in the mirror, my whole body parts were independent from each other. It reminded me of those comedy skits where someone puts their arms through another person's arm holes on their shirt, and move their arms around according to what is being said. These arms in the mirror, or even when I looked down, were not mine. And the same for my legs, and body. I lifted my shirt to check for internal bleeding, just to make sure I there wasn't any bruising or purple colored skin. I touched my stomach and chest with my hands, and the instant I did so, I saw dozens of hands grabbing me. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I felt like a kid, lost in the biggest grocery store ever. I laid back in bed. Again, everything was independent. The bed itself was large, and obnoxious to me. I checked the time, and every minute felt like a struggle. I did not know how I was going to make it until 5, let alone 8. I did not want to be in this trip anymore. I looked into the closet, and the visuals were literally blinding. There was no difference between open eye and closed eye visuals. I was out of this planet. I laid back, and stared at the ceiling. Eye balls appeared everywhere like they usually do when I trip. I told myself out loud, almost every 2 minutes, 'You're fine', but I didn't believe myself. I started to think through all of my life decisions. I couldn't help but think that my parents hated me. I was scum, I was pathetic, I was a waste of life. Everything in my life that I thought about was worthless. I realized that I have done nothing to make my parents proud of me. I realized that I am barely making it by, doing the bare minimum, and whenever I do something that I should have already done, I except people's respect, when in reality, I am in a position to seek respect by going above and beyond. Sadly, this revelation did not lift my mood. It only made me feel as though I never got to make my parents proud before my impending death.
During all of this, I attempted to eat a cupcake to get some food in me. I took one small bite, but trying to coordinate chewing, salivating, not breathing, swallowing, and then breathing was so strenuous, that I gave up. I started to not only visualize, but also feel my head's structure become independent like my body in the mirror. I could see my eyes both separate from my head, as well as my tongue. My tongue actually became very apparent to me, and I almost forgot to breath, and thought I might choke because I realized it is always in my throat.
5:00 - After a lot of laying down and worrying, and dreading death due to a sharp pain in my heart area, I kind of blacked out. I KNOW for a fact that the visuals and emotions got worse because in the minutes after my breakthrough, I remembered how horrifying everything was, and it slowly left my recollection.
~6:45 - I was laying in bed feeling like complete shit, as I looked up at my hands. I moved them as is they were mirroring each other. The trails were very psychedelic, and I was enjoying it very much. Everything hit me then. I had an epiphany. Why would I sit around, feeling like shit if I was 'going to die', if I could enjoy the last hours I had left.
Everything hit me then. I had an epiphany. Why would I sit around, feeling like shit if I was 'going to die', if I could enjoy the last hours I had left.
On a bigger scale that doesn't involve death, I realized that when things don't go my way, or are out of my control, I get in a bad mood. Even if I have been thinking about all of the great things I get to do during my time of fun, whether it was an amusement park as a kid, or a psychedelic trip as a teen. I looked at the trails, and finally understood, I'm alive, I'm still tripping, and this is fun. I felt the most beautiful sense of euphoria ever. I got up, got dressed, and walked into the living room. Everyone was watching 'Life Aquatic', and B asked me how I was doing. I told her about my revelation, and she seemed happy. I was thrilled. I felt bad that no body else knew what I just went through, but I couldn't care, because I was alive! I watched about 10 minutes of the movie, as the screen was separated from reality, and my peripheral vision was changing colors drastically. I then thought, I need to listen to music. I got up, and went into the bathroom, grabbed my iPod, and went into the bathroom. *Ever since I was a kid, I have had this thing where I spin my head around with my eyes rolled back until I am completely disoriented, and then I close my eyes, and hold my head very still, and my stomach feels like I am on the drop of a roller coaster.* I perform my trick right at the breakdown of my favorite childhood song that gives me goosebumps, and my CEVs are amazing. I see the light, the light of a greater being. I am not religious, but I touched a spirit. I went back out with everybody else, and watched the movie. I ate pizza, and laughed, and had a great time.
8:20 - My sister came home and we ate edibles, and hotboxed her bathroom with about 5 joints. The high was so ridiculous that I was my eyes were still aching. The visuals actually wore out my eyes, and I felt like I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore.
8:45 - My friend C, who had taken 30mg told me earlier that his visuals were mostly CEVs, but he also said he felt really good. I was happy that he was liking the trip, but after the hot boxing, he looked a little nauseous. R held C up as he walked to the living room because he seemed weak, and then just as everybody was watching, his eyes rolled back, and C collapsed to the floor. In that moment, all I could think was, 'Oh my God. The drug I gave him just killed him'. C woke up, and asked what happened. Finally we all came to the conclusion that he was really high, and probably passed out from lack of oxygen or dehydration.
Overall, I have to say this was frightening. When I was in psychedelic Hell, I felt like I had been there before. It felt like the same feeling from 4/20, DMT, my first Salvia trip, and the last time I did 8mg of DOC with a lot of weed. It made me notice that I have blacked out and lost memories of a lot of trips, and maybe I need to take it slower. I did learn some very important lessons from this trip, but I don't think I will be returning to 4-AcO-DMT anytime soon.
Also, I will never be sharing research chemicals with friends again. That was too much pressure for me. Research chemicals (for me) have spectacularly strong reactions with weed on an empty stomach.
Well, I hope to have more reports in the future, and I hope some people can benefit from this.
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