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The Most Wonderful Feeling Ever But...
by Kris
Citation:   Kris. "The Most Wonderful Feeling Ever But...: An Experience with MDMA (exp99072)". Apr 23, 2020.

90 - 130 mg oral MDMA
    oral Tryptophan - 5-HTP
    oral Lisdexamfetamine


I'm writing this report over the course of (and mostly at the end of) a month's experiments with MDMA. I wanted a more complete picture of its effects on me personally in stead of recording just a single experience.

I first want to make note of the distinction between Ecstasy tabs and pure MDMA. It helps to know my experiences before actually taking real and pure MDMA. My first few experiences with Ecstasy were just a few months ago. Over the past year I've experimented with everything I could get my hands on. I asked my dealer to find me some ecstasy and he did. The first type that he found for me made me feel just really jittery and speedy. I'm now pretty sure that there was no MDMA in those tabs. It felt just like Adderal and that's probably all that was in those. The second type that my dealer found had that same familiar speedy feeling (I take Vyvanse
I take Vyvanse
) BUT they also made me feel A LOT of paranoia. It was like I was on full alert, expecting something dreadful just around the corner and I couldn't shake that feeling. I also had some distortion in my visual perception. Any faces that I saw, whether a still picture in a magazine or whatever, or live faces on TV, they all seemed somehow evil. There was something sinister about them all, like they were leering at me. It was the oddest thing and I don't know if it was because of the paranoia I was already feeling or if it was an actual delusion or illusion.

I obtained 1.5 grams of MDMA in crystalline form. It looks off white, light, light brown. My first time I took about 100mg (weighed on a milligram scale and placed in an empty capsule, the taste is truly awful so I didn't even want to chance tasting it by parachuting my dose in a rolling paper). I was alone sitting comfortably on my couch listening to music one evening after work. I took it on an almost empty stomach. I wasn't expecting it to come on so quickly so I wasn't paying attention to any initial alerts.

At + 00:20 I suddenly became aware that the light on my Blu-ray player was just a little brighter red and twinkling. As I looked around, the air seemed to be vibrating ever so slightly. I wouldn't call MDMA a hallucinogen at all, but, colors DO seem ever so slightly brighter and more noticeable. Light seems to change in a way I can't easily describe. Sound is the most noticeable sensory perception that seems to change. More on that later.

At about +00:25, after taking note of my visual and auditory changes I sat up with a start. I felt a rush come on that I wasn't expecting. I was shooting up from a physical baseline of zero to the stars. This rush of pure euphoria swelled up filling my body and my head and then down thru my legs. It was almost too quick because I wasn't expecting it. My perception of the beat of the music playing slowed and the rhythm and bass that were in the background somehow came to the foreground of the music. I could pick out subtle beats and loops and once familiar songs were NEW and NOVEL to me. I was hearing stuff in the songs I'd never heard before, or I guess more precisely, I was hearing music from a perspective I'd never heard it from before. This euphoria hit me in waves. I called a friend and tried to describe it all. My thoughts seemed clear enough but my speech was ever so slightly delayed. My coordination was the same way. There was very little “speedy” effects felt. Very slight jaw clenching was my only indication that this was related to amphetamine in any way. I did feel cold at times and I had trouble staying warm.

I stayed at this plateau for about an hour and a half. I pretty abruptly started to slide back down to baseline at +02:00. At +02:30 my perception was just about back to normal and the intense euphoria was gone but I still felt wonderful. I really want to point out that after my first dose I didn't get any of the depression or body load that some people tend to report. The rest of that night I felt an amazing afterglow. I fell asleep easily at around +05:00. The next morning I woke up feeling amazing, rejuvenated. I'd say it was about +18:00 when that afterglow left and I then I just felt normal. No depression.

I got greedy. I planned on waiting 7 days before my next dose, I waited 2 days. I took 5-HTP each day after my first dose
I took 5-HTP each day after my first dose
because I was expecting to feel bad after that huge depletion of serotonin. Since I felt so good I decided to take another dose 2 nights after my first experience.

I took around 90mg. I did take this dose on a full stomach so I didn't expect it to hit me as quickly as the first time. It took more than an hour. At +01:00 I started to feel the first alerts. But it never progressed like the first time. From +01:00 to +02:00 I felt very mild changes to my audio perception and very mild euphoria. No shot up into space like the first time. I was starting to feel a little disappointed and then around +02:00 I shot up just a bit more to the plateau. I felt those familiar waves of euphoria and sound distortion but not quite as intense as the first time. I stayed on the plateau for about an hour (my experiences have all been shorter than most people report). Still no body load after coming down and the next day I felt just amazing.

I waited a full week for my third dose. I took 110mg. This time it was on an empty stomach again and I had been taking 5-HTP each day between MDMA doses. The third dose was much closer to the first in terms of peak euphoria, and audio and visual enhancements. None of my doses have come on as strongly or as quickly as the first, though. My third dose was the first time I felt some negative physical effects afterward. I think the euphoria would have been as good as the first time or even better and the body load much less if I would have put another week or so between this dose and the last.

I started feeling slight effects at +00:45 and had that familiar launch upwards at around +01:00. After I came down I didn't have as much afterglow and I felt almost restless. My body, especially my legs, ached a bit and I had a slight headache. I felt my first regrets about timing then.

Looking back, I should have put more than a week between doses, let alone just a few days! MDMA is an amazing and magical substance, BUT it needs to be treated with respect. That desire to experience such euphoria and magic is very strong and I found myself thinking about it a lot and counting down the days that I told myself I'd put between doses.

I waited another full week for my fourth dose. It was much like the first. I made sure I had just a tiny bit of food in my stomach, not a full stomach. I took 120mg this time. I had that intense wave of euphoria that I rode up to the plateau at around +00:45. I had a little nausea this time and slight head ache during the experience but barely noticeable. After coming down I went right into that worn out feeling, like I'd been up for 24 hours straight with no sleep. I had a slight headache most of the next day and slight body aches. Nothing terrible.

After 2 days I found myself really craving another dose. I was a little weary of a higher dose but I had mostly forgotten the little bit of negative body load I felt after the last few times SO I took 100mg this time. I just wasn't feeling much at +01:30 so I took another 30mg. After 30 minutes I shot right up and had an amazing 2 hours before really crashing. That was my last dose and I think it will be my last for a while. The body load was just too unpleasant with such frequent use. I was chasing that FIRST experience and never quite had one as good as the first, over all. The others were all amazing, don't get me wrong. The first time felt so amazing because the euphoria was so novel to me. The subsequent times the euphoria was the same or maybe even better now that I look back but didn't shoot up as quickly.

I want to sum up the key positives and negatives here:
I think I'll get the most reward if I can put maybe a month between doses. That huge cascading dump of serotonin is a double edged sword. The first few times, being completely naïve to the drug, I got all the positive effects and none of the negative. After that I wasn't so lucky. So heed my warning and respect this amazing substance. I will certainly give my body time to repair itself before taking more, but believe me when I say that I've found my favorite substance. I've never felt euphoria like this before.

Some technical asides:
I'm having a hard time describing the changes to my vision. The air seemed to ripple just a tiny, tiny but, but not all time. Light became not quite brighter but a little more charged, if that makes any sense. I noticed bright colors seemed to stand out a bit more but the more I looked, the more they went back to normal. This is kind of odd, and it startled me at first, but if a shadow entered my peripheral vision it seemed to moved all around my peripheral field and close in on my a bit. Like the lights in the room dimmed just a little. Then they'd brighten right back up. It was transient. It's like MDMA WANTS to be that psychedelic hallucinogen but it doesn't quite get there. The most profound sensory effects I felt were perceiving sound. Deep bass moved to the forefront. My euphoria bobbed up and down with the beat of the music almost.

It seemed like the euphoric window was between 100mg and 120mg for me. That dose range would have been even more euphoric if I had put more time between them. A higher dose didn't feel any more euphoric I just had more of a harsh body load.
A higher dose didn't feel any more euphoric I just had more of a harsh body load.

One last observation I made was that tactile sensations weren't really any different for me. A lot of people report their sense of touch is heightened or sensitized. Mine wasn't any different besides body temp regulation problems giving me goose bumps. Sex felt amazing with the waves of euphoria rolling over me but orgasm was somehow harder to get to, but when I was amazingly intense.

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 99072
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 28 
Published: Apr 23, 2020Views: 753
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MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Hangover / Days After (46), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)

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