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This Cosmic Dance
Ayahuasca (P. viridis)
by forgot
Citation:   forgot. "This Cosmic Dance: An Experience with Ayahuasca (P. viridis) (exp99464)". Erowid.org. Jul 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/99464

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3.5 g oral Syrian Rue (capsule)
  T+ 0:30 56 g oral Ayahuasca (liquid)
  T+ 0:30   oral Ginger  

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


Introduction:

These past few months I have been intensely captivated by a most wondrous substance called “Ayahuasca.” I watched numerous online videos, read countless trip reports, and even consulted an old co-worker on the matter. Each time I became more entranced with the possibilities, the unknown frontier, and the clandestine haze that enshrouds this psychedelic brew.

Modern (Western) society is fervently opposed to all hallucinogens, labeling people who do or object as loony, mentally ill, or other misappropriated and ignorant labels. We are told these medicines are used by ‘savages’ who don’t know any better and must be brought out of their insanity! Who, may I ask, is to say who the ‘savages’ truly are? People with a completely way of life that only defend their territory like any human being with a brain and a family, or dogmatic settlers who would do the same yet who fail to recognize any reciprocation?

Ah, herein lays the dichotomy that is primarily responsible for much discord on our planet. Misunderstanding sparks wars, facilitates all kinds of heinous and despicable acts, and continues to inflict great pestilence upon us Homo sapiens.
But can it be? Has there been placed on our planet a medicine with which we can heal the wounds of our delusion? My answer is an overwhelming yes! Allow me to elucidate my findings, friend.

I am religious but by no means am I closed-minded; the Bible clearly states (in the book of Genesis) that God has given the human race every living herb with which to heal ourselves from affliction. I am strongly opposed to virtually all synthetic medicine and surgery because for the most part I feel this is only serves to keep medicine/healing in the hands of special interests. Not only do I feel this is profoundly wrong but I’m surprised more churches and organizations aren’t speaking out about this trespass on the welfare of the human race!

I have concluded that it’s just been heavily embedded in Western culture to think that doctors are medical gods and that Western medicine knows best. Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. I believe everyone, once in touch with their bodies and health, should become their own doctor.

With this doctrine in mind, ayahuasca seemed to fit perfectly into my regiment of cleansers but it proved to be more than a simple cleanser of the body; it cleans the spirit and can aid in the release of emotional pain and other aberrations.
Keeping this in mind, I decided to embark on a spiritual journey to the spiritual cosmos.

“A vine for the soul and a leaf for the spirit; whatever is there, let Ayahuasca reveal it.”
“A vine for the soul and a leaf for the spirit; whatever is there, let Ayahuasca reveal it.”



Part I: Limbo

T-4:30 – On an uneventful Friday afternoon, I initiate preparation the brew of 56 grams of Psychotria viridis; 3.5 grams of Syrian rue powder was to be consumed as capsules. The dosage is intentionally high because a previous batch (28 grams) had very light effects (a + on the Shulgin scale). Later discovery proves that this was due to only boiling the viridis leaves for an hour, which is not nearly long enough. I have a large stockpile of rue so no problem arose in getting that; the viridis was ordered online from a trusted vendor.

A large stainless steel pot is procured and 5 liters of distilled water added and brought to a rolling boil. The P. viridis leaves are added to the pot along with the juice of one lemon and a tablespoon of household white distilled vinegar (acid draws out alkaloids).

T-3:00 – The brew boils down to the 1.5 liter mark, approximately. More distilled water is added, bringing the mix up to the 4 liter mark. By this time the brew smells very earthy, as to be expected. Something tells me that there is something peculiar afoot but I just can’t quite place it. I continue to supervise the brew while metering out the rue and smashing it.

T-1:30 – As I peer into the brew again, I notice it has reached the 0.5 liter mark and the stove is turned off. The leaves are pressed and strained out using a plastic colander (strainer). The brew is again left to boil for five additional minutes but under less intense heat.

T-1:00 – I collect the brew into a tea cup and add ginger slices to it to assist with the infamous nausea.

T-0:40 – The rue is put into capsules. Anxiety builds in my chest and I wonder if this is a bad idea. I calm down, recall the safety profile of DMT, and remind myself that anxiety can trigger a bad trip.

T-0:30 – I swallow the nine rue capsules, effectively avoiding the nauseating taste. I peer at the cloudy tea and stir it. The earthy smell fills the kitchen and I turn on the overhead vent to avoid inquiry by my family, who are ignorant of my endeavors.
I say good-night to my family and head to my bedroom for the night. I’m starting to the familiar spaced-out feeling that rue gives and I know I’m ready for the journey ahead. I cut out all my lights except for my computer screen, take the cup of tea into my hands, and prepare myself. It’s now or never; it’s do or die. I swallow my pride and ready myself for the ride of my life.


Part II: Damnation

T 0:00 – The tea is downed in three swift gulps; the smell was not so bad but the taste is repulsive and foreboding. Anxiety crept up again and tried to mess with me but I wouldn’t have it. I was going to enjoy this trip. Something told me that this dose was overkill but, damn it, I wanted an experience! Little do I know I am going to get every dime of my money’s worth soon enough. Queasiness afflicts me and I can do nothing but chew on a ginger slice and face my butt toward my open window to vent my smelly farts.

T+0:20 – My feelings of nausea and malaise intensify and I suddenly get an idea to increase gut absorption. I hang my head over the edge of my bed and slide off, placing my hands on the floor. I suck in my stomach, then let it out, then suck it in, then let it out again. My rationale is to try to distribute more of the tea throughout my digestive system before I would have to throw up. I believe this worked because it only made me even queasier. Nonetheless, I don’t relent for about two minutes to be thorough. I then climb under the covers, slide my vomit bowl next to me, and close my eyes. Colors are remarkably beautiful and I get a sense of optimism.

T+0:45 – The vomit can no longer be held down and it comes up in an ebullition of the most disgusting and foul-smelling matter I have ever had the displeasure of, not only smelling, but seeing and tasting. My vision is beginning to look sharper and more dream-like; the farting increases in volume and stench. Sounds also start to warp into a metallic blend. The optimism gives way to a warm feeling on my lower back, a feeling of a warm compress but more internal. CEV’s abound: tribal patterns, rotating rings within rings within rings, hyper-dimensional things that cannot even be verbally described, and a buzzing sensation throughout my body.

T+1:20 – Things are starting to get very uncomfortable. The warmth envelops my whole body and then goes into some indescribable part of my being. The CEV’s become OEV’s and the two have no discernible differences. The buzzing turns into an audible vibration; it seems that this is the ‘frequency’ of the universe, or my own being. I begin to feel reality start to slip, like a movie reel steadily unraveling. My arms look skinny and slightly distorted like tree limbs.

T+1:30 – Past about the ninety-minute mark (I glance at my cell phone clock before it slips out of my hand and onto the floor; I have no desire to get it), I lose all interest about keeping the time or documenting anything. My mindset is no longer completely in reality. The distortions to my body become absolutely outrageous: my arms are incredibly long and look floppy, my computer screen looks brighter than ever (and greatly distorted), the room looks very long, and the streetlight peering through my curtain takes on an otherworldly appearance. My vision appears extremely cartoonish, as if I were in a dream.

Thoughts break down into ideas which flow in the cosmic River of Collective Consciousness; I know our world no more. My ego is stripped, religion breaks down (very hard for me but it did), and all external sounds are warped and demonic-sounding. What little euphoria I have left gives way to dysphoria, then fear, then a mix of fear and panic. I am absolutely in the land of insanity. Trust me: it is the utmost frightening mental state a human being can go through! I curse myself for having done this and wonder if I will ever return to normal. I try to pray to God to save me from this and to come to my aid but religion and God were still not available, only the table scraps of insanity. He (God) would have done me an injustice to alter this experience because all aspects teach something different.

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.


Part III: Salvation

T+3:46 – After what seemed like an eternity in mental Hell, my thoughts begin to organize semi-normally again. I retrieve my cell phone to check the time. My ego, along with complexes such as religion and sanity, gradually return like war heroes to an anticipative homeland. The euphoria regresses but tenfold in intensity and threefold in duration. The widest grin I’ve ever worn adorns my face as a heavenly feeling envelops me. I would compare the feeling to being in a very warm blanket (or Jacuzzi) after taking 10mg or so of hydrocodone (without tolerance). It was a very pleasant feeling, the remnants of which I can sometimes summon if I am in a contemplative state of mind or doing something like binaural beats. I bask in the glow for a good an hour and a half.

During this, I rock back and forth (not unlike an Autistic person) with the greatest, unyielding optimism I have ever experienced: the feeling that everything is going to be alright, that nothing is wrong in the world, that I had at last departed from that realm of insanity. The feeling is so divine!

T+6:00 – It’s Saturday morning and I feel so alive, cleansed, and renewed! Everything seems brighter; the world seems different like there is something lurking just out of reach. I feel closer to God and I know He is smiling down at me.

T+40:00 – There’s still an afterglow that I think will follow me until I die.
T+40:00 – There’s still an afterglow that I think will follow me until I die.
All I have to do is remember the things I have experienced and what, through Ayahuasca, God showed me!

“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.” –Ojibwa saying
“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.” –Ojibwa saying



Reflection:

In retrospect, it is my personal and professional opinion that Ayahuasca is the absolute perfect medicine for a human being, hands down. It’s certainly a grievous encroachment on human rights to deny this to the polity (political elite can do anything they want). Governments will continue their attacks and demonization of all healing medicines that cannot be trademarked or patented, but that is what human beings in power do and there is no changing that. Each must sift through the chaff of lies and find the grains of truth for themselves.

There is undoubtedly much potential for future employment of this Medicine. This experience has taught me that things are not necessarily as they seem, that every cloud (the insanity) does indeed have a silver lining (enlightenment), and that God is much more than we can ever imagine and he loves us so much!

While in the realm of insanity, I resolved a lot of personal issues and made headway about my future. I plan to partake in Ayahuasca many times more; each time will reveal something new. I will no longer let people determine what I will do or when I will explore this beautiful world. I will work for myself as soon as possible because I refuse to spend the rest of my life making other people’s dreams come true while abating my own.

“This Cosmic Dance, of bursting decadence and withheld permissions, twists all our arms collectively. But, if sweetness can win – and it can – then I’ll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my friends. Peace.” –Royal Tart Toter, Adventure Time
“This Cosmic Dance, of bursting decadence and withheld permissions, twists all our arms collectively. But, if sweetness can win – and it can – then I’ll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my friends. Peace.” –Royal Tart Toter, Adventure Time


Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 99464
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jul 16, 2018Views: 1,150
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Ayahuasca (8) : General (1), Preparation / Recipes (30), Mystical Experiences (9), Hangover / Days After (46), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)

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