Citation: PsiloByte. "Family Headspace, Spiritual Revival: An Experience with LSD (exp99562)". Erowid.org. Mar 12, 2013. erowid.org/exp/99562
||(pill / tablet)
I consider myself fairly experienced with psychedelics and for the most part prefer solo trips. Up to this point I’ve taken mushrooms, 2cb, 2cc nbome, 2ci nbome, 4-aco-dmt, dmt, cannabis, salvia, and lsd, my favorites being 4-aco-dmt and lsd as both have propelled me into an intensively transformative and useful headspace. My inspiration stems mainly from Terence Mckenna, Rupert Sheldrake, Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Timothy Leary, Amit Goswami and a number of interesting individuals in my personal life. Most of my trips are accompanied by music and are prepared for with study, meditation and an empty stomach.
Setting: The previous weekend had been a fairly traumatic one yet it seems the positivity that I’d been able to muster throughout seemed to open up an awareness that I was eager to test.
To ensure I have enough material to ponder during my trip, I fill my chalkboard with some ideas I’m currently mulling over, including interaction through quantum entanglement, rebirth, multiple realities, the lapis philosophorum, fractal leveling, and what cause our act of perceiving might have on holding our reality in place. I've found that my mind tends towards trips without a valuable lesson for my sober self, ie: pondering the psychedelic soup, dancing and singing to music, so I hope using this as a baseboard will catalyze a creative breakthrough that will have some sort of lasting importance in my life.
Next I pick out the music I will play during the trip and set it up on the laptop which I hook into the sound system I have stationed at the front of the living room. Lastly, I prepare some food to eat later on: a stalk of celery with peanut butter and one without, a stack of crackers, two with peanut butter, a bag of unsalted almonds, an apple, a yogurt cup, and some grapes. I’m finally ready to begin.
3:45PM: I place the two blotter tabs on my upper gums in the same way that one might take 2cc nbome. I believe this makes the drug reach the blood and therein the brain more quickly. The blotter tabs were advertised as 200ug each, though I had not tested this to verify. I’ve taken these before though and it seems an accurate estimate. [Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]
I clean up my room during the initial come-up and afterwards rest in the living room, listening to relaxing chakra meditational music and thinking about how quantum entanglement might be observable in psychedelic space. A thought comes to mind from a lecture I had a few days ago, where the teacher was talking about full duplex communication in networking, and I relate the two concepts, where only an entangled mind could both speak and listen at the same time, and that such a mind is one that I need to work more on.
4:40: My awareness has noticeably expanded, it seems in the same way that I feel my glasses press down on my nose, the glassy black entertainment center which stands in the front of my living room too presses against the floor, both of which I can feel as extensions of my physical body. When I close my eyes and reach out I can feel the life force in the trees which surround my house and I catch a memory of a past 2cc trip where I had done this same thing. I write in my journal that the music I’m listening to “reflects my soul from every physical point it touches.” I become aware of the energy my heart is generating, my stomach’s energy, my feet and legs feel full of energy, and a sexual energy is also vibrantly making itself known. These could be experienced as a body load and uncomfortable, but I figured “it is what it is” and was able to read it without getting caught up in it. I walk into my room which has incense burning and I become elated with how good it smells. I exclaim that it must be the best smell I have ever smelled in the history of my lifetime. Its wondrous influence makes me extremely happy.
4:45: I attempt to introduce a playful variable: a glow in the dark ball which I had used on my past trips. I throw it around, juggle it, squeeze it, drop it and hurriedly pick it back up, and have a thought, which prompts me to leave my toy. Psychics are people aware of the wave-mechanically transmitted data that the firing of neurological pathways produce. I am also caught up in a darker thought of contemplating the nature of a delusion. How can someone be deluded if it exists outright for them? Is it possible consensus reality is a collective delusion? These thoughts unsettle me, perhaps luckily, the trip ends this transmission and my body begins vibrating more furiously.
5:04: I write “It’s becoming hard to do anything physically, clammy hands, legs, etc.” The energy is becoming overwhelming, though the energy is not emotionally connected to anything, so it is somewhat enjoyable. The dominant thing here is the physical sensation. I change the music to a youtube video called Zen: Music for Balance and Relaxation (Full Album.) The music has a consistently critical yet soothing undertone. It seems to provoke my mind just enough to constantly explore, peace appears to be earned in this music through acknowledgment of pervasive suffering and simple solutions.
5:15: The physical sensation begins to take a negative turn and I write “Blissful awareness is turning into fitful imagination.” Nothing too vivid is happening here, but I begin to see images seep from my subconscious as what I would now call a body load reaches its height. This is the transition it seems where the imagination takes an active role in perceiving reality, it felt like crossing a liquid radio channel.
5:17: Two minutes later I find that the music and my thoughts are being evoked almost visually, I say almost because it seemed archetypal, like the vector equation was there, but it hadn’t been processed into explicit imagery yet. I write “Music is beautifully complementing my thoughts like a fractal realization growing more pervasive in the membrane of imagination.” It would seem the body load has lessened and the trip is again quite enjoyable.
5:22: I write “RAM DASSY pov.” I recognize the music as being very Alan Watts like (Zen-like) and the awareness I felt as being very Ram Dass like (God-like). I feel an intense connection with everything around me. The simple awareness that I had experienced before has evolved into waves of information coming from both my surroundings and non-locally from inside my mind. An LSD-awareness begins to emerge. I feel I am beginning to recognize patterns that I simply did not have the ability to otherwise. Note that the body load has been recognized somehow to be information and is now much less a factor.
5:53: I spend ~30 minutes getting accustomed to the newfound headspace and it seems I’ve reached a peak. The information data stream is taking many different forms, I see flowing rivers of geometry, shifting into a stream of 0/1 bits, and back again when I close my eyes. The data stream grows stronger and stronger and I decide to change up the music. I find Kundalini-First Chakra on youtube. The music progresses and me with it until it reaches climax.
“Now focus on your pineal gland. Lounnnnngggggg. Lounnnngggggg. Lounnnnggggg”
“Kundalini Huh du Heinem”
I realize that this is the moment when my being will be utterly exposed to the incoming energy that I now feel coursing around me. My abdomen seems to open up and my body integrates into the data stream and I feel the core of my being open up. I feel that there is no hiding any more, I must let go of what is restricting my integration and understanding. I let go, but it seems there was not enough energy to complete it, I feel I may have missed my chance to open up whole-heartily, though I still feel refreshed, enlightened, and awakened. I write “First peak passed felt outside merging with inside.”
Beyond this I have no more time stamps and for the next couple of hours time itself becomes a “slippery concept” and description becomes more difficult. I write “My being is seeking integration into the family soul collective, and I may be realizing its existence for the first time.” I have before experienced what I consider to be my family’s subconscious “valley” on a fairly large 4-aco-dmt dose, and it seems that now I’m being confronted with the possibility of revisiting this place.
It would seem in retrospect that my integration into the collective was characterized by the metaphor of a microscope which moved from a wide view to a refined, smaller view. I begin to feel what seems to be a peripheral schema which I have developed from. Surrounding all sides of the fractal which I now associate to my conscious thoughts, I become aware that I have grown from a huge history of both conscious subconscious habit, I feel past lives and beings feeding perfectly into the being that I am, past times and future times all seem tangible and able to be manipulated from where I now stand.
A thought arrives. I decide now is a good time to eat the snacks I have prepared. I take the sweet tea out of the fridge and take a sip. It is wonderfully sweet and affects my entire being. I now feel the collective consciousness that I am now a part of all reacting to this sweet tea and it evokes responses which identify the different entities that I am a part of. I also identify a metallic taste and can’t tell what it might be from. I wander around the house feeling different entities slip in out of my being which at this point feels more like a server rack than a self-contained unit. I make my way back to the fridge and pull out the rest of the goodies. A stalk of celery with peanut butter and one without, a stack of crackers, two with peanut butter, a bag of unsalted almonds, an apple, a cup of yogurt, and some grapes.
As the trip progresses, the beings move from 19th or 20th century plantation owners (which the sweet creamy peanut butter provoked, peanut plantation?) down to my immediate family. I feel a sort of primacy moving through the layers of history, like I’m connected by the physical sensation that the food provided. When I arrive at the current time stream I am infused with the immediate presence of my family members, none of whom are actually here. I feel the amalgamated mood of this collective conscious weigh down on my perception and I catch glimpses of a person’s eyes flashing towards me, sparked by the look of a lampshade, or by the positioning of the couch. The description may sound vague, however the identity of each individual was quite pronounced and I could identify by name each presence. The mind space implied to me that I was in direct contact with these people, on a very deep level, and that though they may not be aware of the connection, it did appear to be genuine.
~8:40: The connection with this tremendous conscious awareness seemed to catalyze the development of my personality and I was quickly transformed by this connection. Though difficult to describe, it seemed that my pushy intellectual thoughts became raveled up with a level of compassion and love that felt irresistibly genuine and gravitational. I was the emotional center and my being felt reflected, just as it was in the music, except this time through the interconnection of the presence I was entangled in, and in doing so, I became so much more than I could have been on my own. I was laughing a lot and reveled in the thought of being a monkey in his family stomping grounds. I write “I’m a monkey, my monkey nature.” Every action pushed through the family schema became magnified and the fractal boundary of my being seemed to deepen and concresce with joy. Many other people seemed to be present as well, including a few friends, all of whom I sent extremely positive and loving signals to. I expect when I see them next I will be ever more open and loving of them.
~11:00: The trip now begins to wane out and it would seem my being rests with that of my uncles’. I look down at my hands and they too seem integrated just as my mind is integrated, I see reflected in them the presence of them; large, fumbly, compassionate, humorous, primordial/natural, and very loving. I lie down in my bed for the night and play some guitar, yet find it hard to find any proficiency playing even the most rigorously memorized songs. In retrospect, none of my uncles play the guitar, so it is possible that the morphogenetic resonances related with the guitar were weakly engrained, or maybe it was the clammy hands :P. It takes a long time to get to sleep and for the rest of the week I am left with a sense of peace, well being, compassion, understanding, and openness.
In closing, it is difficult to relate the nature of really any sort of psychedelic trip and I’ve left a lot out that I knew I’d never be able to describe. I hope anyone looking to do psychedelics does so for creative inspiration and makes use out of the unexpected results that often come from trips. It is now a week after the trip and I still feel the expanded mind that I had felt in the first hour. My dreams have become more vivid, I feel connected to the people around me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and I am planning on moving out of my father’s house as I’ve realized what I need. It’s the love on that deep felt level that counts, and when that goes missing, ego controls motivations and life becomes a dreary place indeed.
Well… I guess that’s all I have to say for now, thanks for those who read through the whole thing, I’m still working on my writing skills and descriptive faculties, and I will hopefully be writing more of these.
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