Teatime

When I found out that my husband was going to be away at an overnight bachelor party I was thrilled to pieces. I’d finally have the house to myself for long enough to get some serious tripping done.

A thorough examination of my lunch box revealed that I had a bag of mushrooms and a capsule of MDMA left over from Burning Man, a tab of acid of indeterminate providence, Salvia divinorum, DMT and 5-MeO-DMT, pot, and a few assorted research chemicals that I was largely unfamiliar with. I selected the E and the fungus, figuring I’d stick to basics. I also prepared a bit of the cannabis, but the herb is such a staple in my household that I almost didn’t count it as a drug.

The only dilemma was that I didn’t really have any way to weigh the mushies. I eyeballed the bag and estimated it to be about four grams, give or take. Maybe more give than take. I’m a tiny little thing and I knew that whatever it was, it was more than enough. Mentally, I shrugged. The ecstasy would buoy my set, I reasoned. I’d be fine. I filed a flight plan with a friend like a good girl and set about my business, excited about the upcoming adventure.

All was as it should be in hyperspace for what seemed like quite a long time. The Universe was doing what it does and the Faerie was surfing it handily, lucidly hallucinating (say that ten times fast) and inventing some awesome new yoga moves. All was as it should be, that is, until I decided to turn some music on.

I selected the Re-Evolution track by Terence McKenna and The Shamen, set it to play, and turned my attention back to the Vortex. Presently, however, I started to notice something rather odd: the same series of events repeating themselves over and over again. I was so far gone that it took me a few iterations, if it was a few iterations, to catch on to this phenomenon; but once I realized that this was happening it became the focus of my awareness.

The sequence went something like this: Terence McKenna’s inimitable voice is heard saying “and not a moment too soon!” I suddenly become aware of myself and take stock of the situation. Didn’t I already hear that line? I remember thinking this before, and notice that I’m breathing in the same pattern as I did the last time. Oh shit, I’m caught in a time loop! (thought that before, too!) How many times has this happened? Is it really happening over and over, or is it just a glitch in the Matrix? (think of something new, dammit!) Terence says something about “…the End of the World…” Uh oh, now I remember. Here it comes again! Then the whole thing repeats: Terence’s voice is heard saying “…and not a moment too soon!” I suddenly become aware of myself and take stock of the situation…

Wash, rinse, repeat. I truly have no idea how many times I cycled through. Then, in a new twist on the game, the scenario started to play itself out in different parts of the room! Terence McKenna’s voice is heard saying “and not a moment too soon!” I suddenly become aware of myself and take stock of the situation. Didn’t I already hear that line? I remember thinking this before, and notice that I’m breathing in the same pattern as I did the last time. Oh shit, I’m caught in a time loop! (thought that before, too!) How many times has this happened? Oh wait! I was on the sofa before, and now I’m under the table! Is it really happening over and over, or is it just a glitch in the Matrix, or am I getting bleed-through from nearby alternate dimensions? Yes! It must be multiple variations of the same moment! I have to figure out which one of them really “happened” in my home dimension so I can get off at the right stop. Terence says something about “…the End of the World…” Uh oh, now I remember. Here it comes again!

To my eternal credit (or perhaps to Dr. Shulgin’s credit) I managed to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing. Yep, there I was all alone in the house, once again a perfect poster child for the campaign to promote the use of the digital scale. Typical. Hilarious, really. If only my friends could see me now…

Finally, be it luck or skill or fate, my native intelligence rearing its foggy little head, or an act of mercy by whatever powers that may be, I stumbled upon the answer to the riddle:

I had accidentally put the track on repeat.

That explains everything, I’ve accidentally put the track on repeat! (I’ve thought this before) I’ve been falling into a reverie whenever I hear the End of the World line, and coming back into what passes for normal consciousness at the very end of the track, just before the voice says “and not a moment too soon!” All I have to do is… Uh oh, now I remember. Here it comes again!

Over and over, I figured it out. Each time, I lurched a few more precious feet in the rough direction of the computer that was masterminding my insanity. Eventually, heroically, I managed to pull the plug out of the wall. I’d passed the test. Time obligingly resumed its normal flow, and after a brief but passionate victory celebration, so did the Teafaerie. And not a moment too soon!

I’ve since acquired an accurate scale; you should, too! And learn to laugh in the face of the impossible. When the head and the heart are both working in your favor, there isn’t much reason to fear.

———————

And Not a Moment Too Soon appears in the newest issue of Erowid Center’s member newsletter, Erowid Extracts.