Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Medy. "I Was Being Watched: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp101306)". Erowid.org. Oct 18, 2017. erowid.org/exp/101306
I started with a prayer, asking for harmonization within myself, nature, and all of the people in my life. I spoke to the magical children, “los ninõs,” or if you prefer, the two grams of 'penis envy' mushrooms as if they were alive, as if they have a will and influence over more than we know. As if they hold the gnosis. I ate the vile alien substance and sat down to watch as the communion with the symbiotic life form began. Very soon, what I can only describe as pulsating waves of energy began to emanate from my digestive track sending tingling sensations everywhere. An indescribable inner meaning that was not my own as far as I can tell, arose within me and I could sit still no longer.
I threw on my toe shoes, as my fear of hurting my feet had not yet been overcome by my absolute realization that I must be barefoot as much as possible, and ran off west into the mountains. I crossed the threshold into nature and instantly felt liberated. Finally away from the screaming cars, the blinding lights, and suffocating pavement I found peace. This is where we all belong, out in the nature that produced our kind. Not in some silly box. This is where we can truly learn the news.
By now the world was awake in a sparkling radiance of green and purple light, connecting all that grows and all that flows. I voiced a phrase, “I can see better without my glasses, but I need my glasses to see.” This tool that allows me to look into the visually dominated material world we have created for ourselves, holds no weight in this state. I noticed I was being watched. This was not the normal feeling that one might get when they feel they were being watched, this was quite literal. I was seeing eyes everywhere. Every leaf, every hole, every role in the clouds contained an eye, phasing in and out—a literal manifestation of the exchange of visual information between the world around me and myself. I felt the world around me, creating everything I am through observation as I created all of it through my own power of seeing—a validation of existence.
Every rock contained a face. They are alive, but the difference is their form of consiousness is condensed into a static existence. Unable to move, they are unable to act and as such are unable to change any fate the winds or waters may flow. Some might call that hell, but some might call it immortality. I thanked as many as I could for being there, for allowing me to walk all over them and gave many a heartfelt apology for never noticing their animated existence before now. Up and up I climbed till I found the perfect cliff to spin around on.
Dancing with the wind warped trees I saw the flow that grew them into a beautiful twist. Catching the same wind of divine growth I spun around fearlessly on the edge of this cliff with the notion held that the mountain would do me no harm. Submitting myself completely to the flow of visions that inundated my body, I moved effortlessly along with the universe. Letting go completely I noticed my spinning arms were directing my visions, creating vortexes, spirals, which gave me an ecstatic feeling of pure joy. Realizations poured into my mind. My movements influence the flow. All movement influences the flow. By submitting oneself completely to this flow one gains great influence over it. This is Daoist non-doing. This is wizardry.
The clouds parted, revealing the brilliant full moon. I was bathed in an ethereal light, which seemed to pull me out into the sky. The reticulated eyes all around me began to dance and I watched in awe as everything turned into to spinning coils of radiant eyes, giving the impression of a snake, flowing into and out of everything—fractalizing into novelty. Instantly thoughts of Shiva begging to dance as he wraps the snake around his neck awoke in my mind. This is the dance of Lord Nataraja, becoming one with the universe and dancing beyond duality.
Closing my eyes I could see everything in even greater brilliance. I flew inward down to the very basic levels of existence inhabited by the all-familiar double helix. I watched them combine, building upon each other creating reality on every scale. I saw what we understand to be the blue prints of life coming together to create all there is in a completely ordered yet absolutely pattern. Layering and layering until the double helix evolved into every possible form. I zoomed all the way out to a void beyond voids, a blackness with a depth beyond conception.
What I can only describe as an immaculately detailed Chinese fire dragon outlined by the coiling snakes, roared into my eyes. There were no words, but a meaning was received. “Stupid monkeys.” I accepted this as truth and it shoved reality in my face. Bathing me in incandescent fire, he consumed me and I found my self warping down its throat into the gigantic mass of coil-istic flowing energy that contains our universe. Splitting apart into eight aspects, I zoomed down these tunnels of reality from eight perspectives simultaneously and observed the universe observing itself from 8 different angles. It was like I was 8 different jewels in Indra’s web of chaotic reflection, each able to see every other particle in the universe.
Instantly I recombined back into back into myself, sitting there staring at the rabbit in the moon, which created a kaleidoscoping vortex of recycled light throughout the world around me. There is no death, there is no time and now that I think about it, the giant spaghetti monster and all of his noodliness is a humorously accurate depiction of this version of reality.
The children brought me into communion with an entity that rhizomatically connects and supports all life in our universe. This being is like a library of gnosis with all the information life in our universe contains. To this entity time and death are nothing more than silly monkey concepts we've created for ourselves, vastly controlling and limiting our experience of existence. Energy is a constant, it merely changes form. The vessel may die, but the energy goes on to come back around in one form or another.
On the spiritual path one wishes to find teachers to guide them along the way. Some learn from priests, some learn from gurus, but why only learn from human beings? Why can’t I find my teacher in an alien life form that was on this planet before even plants evolved? It is the perfect symbiont, the architect, the recycler, and the holder of gnosis. It shows me what's possible, what I am to become, and who I really am. Now I just have to put in the work to get there.
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