Citation: Kevin. "Touched by God: An Experience with DMT (exp101367)". Erowid.org. Oct 2, 2019. erowid.org/exp/101367
Ever since I was 15 years old I discovered drugs. I made a list off what seemed interesting. I soon discovered psychedelics, drugs that open the mind to new perspective, I made a list of what I would want to use and what not. I added DMT to my list of do’s but was careful with it. I knew I could not just use DMT without preparation, and wisdom gained from lesser psycho-active drugs. I was only 15 years old and the id scared me.
For 6 years I grew used to the altered mind psychedelic drugs force on me. I started with Marijuana, then next Psilocybin mushrooms. I used them twice and lost control once. I knew I was not ready I still felt scared. Last year I used LSD once, a low dose. I controlled it. So I knew it was time and I was exited to the id of using DMT.
So in the Summer off 2013 when I was 21 years old I visited a good friend who had made me n-n-DMT himself. It wasn’t pure, he said about 70% DMT and 30% chemical residue. He has been my friend for over 10 years so he told me the risks truthfully and said “ so how about it?” I got scared and thought to myself, wait what you mean NOW?!
NOW he said. He told me he tried using it himself but he has weak lungs. He couldn't hold the DMT smoke in lung enough to break through but he knew my lungs could take a lot more. He was right. I asked him should we go outside to a park? He looked at me with a frown and said: “You sure you know what DMT will do to you? You won’t be able to walk at all” I didn’t really comprehend what that meant. I figured it was like being really high. So I asked him should I light a joint during the DMT trip? Again he frowned and said “My friend, you won’t be able to do anything at all. You’ll be gone mate, gone from earth.” In retrospect I don’t think I knew what that meant.
The room I was in was a student dorm, a small one maybe 10 square meters, his room was decorated with psychedelic art and classy paintings. He played the Sacred Spirit album from his laptop and dims the light. I got really nerves and to be truthful more then a little scared. He told me “Take three hits, full hits; keep it in your lungs for as long as you can.” So I asked him for the pipe. He told me “No I’ll hold it you just hit it, now go sit on the bed you’ll fall down.” So that's what I did.
He took the pipe (most junky pipe I have ever witnessed in my life, it was a homemade plastic crack pipe). I looked at him and said seriously? He filled it with over 50mg of DMT excluding the residue that was still in the pipe and pre-heated it. Smoke was coming out now and I was nerve-racked. “Hit it” he said.
So I leaned closer and took a hit for over 3 seconds. The smoke was in my lungs for only 2 seconds and it hit me like a bulldozer. It tasted and felt terrible! The worst smoke I have ever had in my life. Like plastic burning in my lungs. I started to hallucinate heavily. Eyes were opening in the curtains, the wall started to vibrate. I could hear my friend say “one more time” but I couldn’t see him. His voice was heavily altered like it was being played though a computer and being played with. The pitch was lower and it was like he talked in slow-motion. So I hit it again. This time I was starting to get really dizzy and heavy. A faint noise was starting to arise in the room much like sound distortion. I felt like I had trouble breathing now and starting sweating. I couldn’t hear the music anymore and could barely see anything. But the sound distorting was getting louder. I knew I didn’t have long. “One more time” he said. So I took a third hit…. And fell. I could hear him say.. “One more time” and with all the strength I could muster I answered “No.. Enough..” But it was like I to spoke in slow-motion. The Sound distorting was embracing me like a mother embracing her child. I felt… Strange.
The Sound distorting was embracing me like a mother embracing her child. I felt… Strange.
I didn’t comprehend what was happening to me.. What is this.. Where am I, What happened.. I asked all the When, Why, What and how questions.. I could still feel my body sweat, and it felt like my nose was bleeding but I couldn’t move and slowly it was like I could feel the DMT move though my body and everywhere it came it killed me, it was cold. I couldn’t feel my arms at first. Then I couldn’t feel my legs and lastly I couldn’t feel my heart and breathing.
I was alone in my mind and there was nothing but my thoughts.. Thoughts I thought.. Must be what death is like.. Am I.. Dying?! Wake up, please wake up, please wake up!.. I didn’t.. I tried waking up for what felt like an hour.. No good. Did.. I become my friend's experiment? Did he kill me? No, having a corpse in his bed would get him in serious trouble. Then I must have accidentally took too much.. Yes that's it I took too much DMT. I am the first person dying on DMT. What a waste.. There is so much I wanted to do with Life.. Sure I wasn’t always grateful for life but.. did I want to die.. No.
Hm.. whats that? A voice.. “You idiot!, You are dying!, You took too much!, What would your parents say!, there is a girl in your house expecting you to come home tomorrow and know what? You’ll never see her again! You will never have anything but your thoughts.”
But I tried everything. I tried waking up.. Lets give up? Fine let this be my end. My life would have been brief but I lived my life the way I wanted to. I had a good life.
It felt like my conscious was being lifted from my dead body, and sent at light speed though the universe. I kept going and going and going for what seemed like years. And then there was this dark place. And I had no physical form, I was the shattering of my ego. thousand of pieces floating in space.. My memories, my feelings, my ego. I played a piece of my memories. I relived it like it was happening at that very moment. I was a little boy walking to my mother on a sunny day. I was happy and wanted to be embraced with the love of my mother. It felt like I was starting to cry but there was no body to cry with. I relived moments of my life. My first kiss, meeting my first friends. Being bullied, my first fight. I felt.. everything.
I started to get control over my shattered ego floating in space. My first thought was not where am I but when am I. I am no believer of reincarnation but it felt like this is where souls go to wait for rebirth. And I felt a presence. I felt he felt that I could feel his presence (it felt like a him not a her). I wanted to meet him and instead of moving through space, space moved around me and I started going forward.
What I encountered next was beautiful. A floating ball of light. It was huge! like a red giant in comparison to planet earth and it made colors and shapes with its tentacles of light.
A floating ball of light. It was huge! like a red giant in comparison to planet earth and it made colors and shapes with its tentacles of light.
Millions of tentacles of light going everywhere. I saw colors and shapes I had never witnessed before. It was profound. Tentacles started going my way to my shattered ego. And when it touched me I learned all the secrets of existence. Imaged flashed in my head: Space, Men, Alien, Gas, Colors, Murder, Sex, TV, Propaganda, The news, Pain and suffering, Technology, the past, the present and the future. The formula, the math behind existence became mine. And I realized all that is, is but perspective in an infinite large universe. I am god and I am men, I am the devil and I am the saint. All that I see and all that I feel is but my perspective. If men and woman will ever live together in peace we must understand that all that we feel is but perspective. Our greatest enemy is our ignorance. We kill and hurt because we don’t understand. These people we kill and hurt are not bad, they are different. They have a different perspective. Western society has thought me prejudice, has taught me so called good and wrong. But they are just one of many perspectives in the universe. And maybe, just maybe no one is right, not even me.
I started to hear music and chanting. I could feel my body become whole again and slowly I could feel the sweat on my face and the pain in my lungs. I opened my eyes and could see the eyes on the curtain stare at me. I felt very light and started to speak “water...” A man sat next to me, he was chanting and appeared to make a sign in the air almost like he was conjuring up magic. His face was covered in a mask of light and color. it seemed familiar. He gave me water and kept chanting. His long blond hair was swirling it fascinated me, just like his chanting and signs. I drank... It felt good. The memories of my breakthrough started to come to me, I lay down on the bed and smiled I felt great. I traveled and found truth. I could already feel it changed me forever.
A familiar voice: “Are you OK? How was it?” He calmly asked. I was back.
I am one of you. A perspective in this increasingly mad and dangerous world. But I hate no longer, hate is for the unloved and the unnatural.
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