Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Annonymous. "In Ecstasy, Being Pregnant of Myself: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp101950)". Erowid.org. Jun 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/101950
Mushrooms During Pregnancy
I waited for my husband to come home from a cow pasture near our house and bring me the mushrooms. I had previously asked a student of oaxacan psychelic usage who told me mushrooms are used by some pregnant women in that culture. And that they are not seen as dangerous for the baby or the mama. So I tried them. They were 7 mushrooms medium size in average.
That I ate with some orange. About 30 min later, I couldn't stop myself from laughing almost hysterically over anything I could think of. Aware that the trip had started I felt pleased and hopeful. I felt that I was being gently pulled towards a tunnel made of whatever the whole universe is made of. I tried going deeper into it but it just faded. I was using the will of my physical body to transport me there and not my ethereal will. Thats what I felt like and eventually heard it.
Then it was there. My mother. The mother. She was there by my side. Talking to me. Telling me things. Showing me the beauty of my physical body. And wondering why I would mistreat it like I usually do. It was the first body to take care of. The only body that is under my care for as long as I live on earth. I rubbed it and touched it with awe. I was my own daughter and my own mother. I was in ecstasy, being pregnant of myself. That love and care that I'm supposed to take for my body, for myself is the only thing that I need to exercise in order to be a good mother for my coming baby. Who was completely calm. (I usually provoke some of his moving by having stressful thoughts or sudden reactions to a situation.) And that self love was way more profound than meaning to put my 'personal needs' before my baby's. It went into higher meaning. Loving truly the human I'm wearing since I was born, allows my being to love in the same unlimitted and unconditional way for every single being.
So then I asked questions and she showed me pictures. I thought of Jesus and understood his attitude in front of the crucifixion. Either it happened or not, I decided to do the same. I gave up all my 'belongings' the self image I want to show others and my body too. I still had it all but it was no longer mine. I gave it all up. ( surprisingly, that same day a neighbor knocked the door and asked for me so I could lent her some money. I knew before that she wasn't serious to pay back but I asked my husband to give her the money. Coz there was no sense on keeping it if she needed some and asked me for it) Anyway, my ego came back slowly and a question arose. Will you be here for the great day, mother? She said 'of course' what can I do if my baby wont be born during the mushroom season? She said 'just call me when you need me, I'll be here with you'. I felt her leaving soon after and begged her to stay. But it was ok, she showed me the life I was missing. And without that life I could never be a 'good' parent. I had lapses of paranoia and sadness for the human race. But I had one person in the world that I could surely save. Me.
The great day happened. We planned a homebirth. A beautiful experience intimate and sacred for my husband and me to enjoy. It became overwhelming. We had a little of dry mushroom extract that I tried to help me cope with the labor. It didn't work. So I rushed to the hospital because 'it hurt too much' . I had a traumatizing delivery there. My husband and I were not allowed to be together. I thought for months that 'the mother' had failed me. But I see now that she was there all the time. 'She' is with me all the time. I just have to learn to turn the volume down of my ego and I'll be able to hear 'her'. I think mushrooms take us to the state of mind that we are supposed to live in. But then is our job to remember and work our way back there by ourselves.
My baby is now 24 months old and people say he is brilliant but I think he is as smart as any kid of his age. I love him very much and I thank him for choosing me as his parent. He is my spiritual master.
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