Citation: Devecstator. "It Doesn't Really Matter: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp103890)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/103890
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
5 Grams soaked in lemon juice. 3.5g the night before, every psychedlic experience before this was a dream that never finished. But I finished it last night with 5g.
Past experiences: N-bome over a year ago, LSD last August, O-Acetylpsilocin last halloween, regular cannabis user since early teenager but trying to stop
Downed it all after letting it soak for 30 mins.
Come up lasted about 40 mins.
Was at my friends house with 5 people, eventually left to journey home. While still at my friends house, everyone was laughing and watching a stupid viral video, I got a sense of deja-vu and was literally convinced that I had lived that moment many, many times.
Stopped on a curb talked to my girlfriend for about 10-20 mins, curbs are nice metaphors, questions upon questions, the meaning of life doesnít really matter. We had a beautiful conversation about metaphors and time, I kept saying it doesn't really matter at the exact right moment and she was so entertained. Can I kiss you right now? Is that possible? Can I find the person that just drove by me? Is that possible? I think I said THAT's a good question about 50 times. Kept coming up with philosophical question after philosophical question, metaphor after metaphor.
Kept coming up with philosophical question after philosophical question, metaphor after metaphor.
How long do you think we're going to be together? Oh, but guess what? It. Doesn't. Really. Matter. We both laughed so hard, and I was telling her how beautiful she was. Complete honesty, hilarity, joy and pondering metaphor upon metaphor.
I felt like nothing mattered, but I did not want to live that way. I was terrified I would be stuck in this mindset forever. Stuck in the circle of time I just stepped into. I thought about how terrible Tom Hanks must have felt in Groundhog Day. That would be hell. That's not what I want. I want to live in this beautiful world. I don't want to exist as a pure intelligence. I always thought it would be nice to transcend my human body into a pure consciousness, but that doesn't exist. We are consciousness. When we move on to the next plane of existence, you will not be you, you will be everything.
The whole universe, time, this dimension is in an infinite loop, time doesnít exist. Everything is a loop, having lived every moment an infinite number of times. Neurons in our brain interacting with earthís magnetic field, creates a giant meta-consciousness that I felt I was on the cusp of travelling into. Like they were telling me to stay away, not to cross over, and that being human is the best part of existence. I felt that we were truly alone in our physical universe, either we are the most advanced in our physical realm or a more advanced civilization has already transcended into the ether (universal meta-consciousness) and have realized everything is forever and it doesn't really matter.
Sat on a bench for a while, cusp of hallucination, always on the curb, something always on the tip of my tongue. But nothing really mattered. That was the theme of the night. The answer to every question can be, it doesnít really matter. The universe will exist forever, I will exist forever, maybe not my memories and self as I know it, but part of me, maybe just the quantum entanglement of particles in all our neurons, will be one and this universe, every dimension, will continue in a giant loop. But it doesnít really matter. I found the meaning of life and everything, I am now utterly convinced there is a higher plane of existence. But that plane of existence is aware how shitty it is compared to being a beautiful ignorant human. That saying, ignorance is bliss, how true it really is. The answer to time, reality, everything, is too much to handle for a human being. Our brains, as amazing as they are to us, have a limit, they are not infinite. Might as well be to us but they are not. I believed to truly experience the truth of the universe could be equivalent to human misery. Compared to our world this higher plane seems like a dark prison contained in a loop of non-existent time.
When the realization of the universe being a loop that Iíve lived an infinite amount of times, its like life suddenly disappeared, I transcended. I was above and beyond time and space and felt connected with the universal meta-consciousness. I started to wonder if I broke my brain, I was convinced that no matter what I did next I would be okay because I am going to exist forever in this never-ending loop. I was terrified and omniscient at the same time, time completely disappeared.
I left my bike behind after getting off this bench and wandering around a bit. Some random person walked by and I ran right up to him. From this point on everyone I spoke to either thought I was fucking insane or I mind fucked them into believing what I was believing because people were actually listening to my conversation and contributing and agreeing that nothing really mattered and everything is a circle. This person seemed very entertained but very tired so I left him to sit with two guys eating pizza after about 5-10 mins. These, guys, I think I seriously mindfucked. I convinced them that time is an illusion and nothing we did that night will matter because everything has already happened and looped on forever. We do have free will and I can choose to move my right arm right now but the loop still exists. Time does not exist, I might not even exist, I might have lived this moment more times than is possible to count, but, it doesnít really matter.
Last night I was told being human is the best part, by everyone that used to be human or part of our physical realm. There are no people up there in the higher plane, no god, no memories, no vision, no sound, no senses, only a giant quantum entangled meta-consciousness permeating the entire universe and every dimension. When our brains are highly active we must perturb this field enough to glimpse the face of reality. The next hour or two I pondered even harder and was terrified I would be stuck in this mindset, I walked in a circle up down and around an intersection like, too many times. I saw security cars and police cars multiple times in the same span of time so I was definitely worrying some people, which was also scary. I did not want anyone to worry about me because I felt above it all. Too above. Or I just went crazy for a night.
But it doesnít really matter, does it?
Whatís better, a question or a sentence?
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