DOSE:

3- 4 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

80 kg

Started at 12:00 noon, crushed about 3-4 grams and mixed them with orange juice. This is the most I've done and was prepared for anything.

It came on very quickly, starting with the walls breathing, patterns on the floor, ect. I had the plan of putting on some meditation music to help the setting. I did this but had a restlessness in my legs, which is common, that I could not ignore. It made me want to get up and move around. It also started to make my body temp rise. The combination of this caused me to start wandering the house, eventually making my way downstairs to the basement where it was cool.

At this time, about 45-60 min into the trip, the patterns were increasing and getting to a point where they were blurring reality and I found it difficult to not only see what was around me, but to remember what had been happening in the immediate past. I could not complete a simple task. I was starting to have 'working memory disruption'. This led quickly to a thought pattern where I was ingressing inward, trying to remember and put together what was happening, just trying to compute and record events. I felt that I couldn't get out of this 'trap' I was in. I was not able to remember what was happening so I got to a point where I was blacking out, again, not being able to put together what was going on. My breathing rate was either very fast at this point where I was wandering around the house, or as I was getting stuck in the 'thought loop', it seemed like my automatic urge to breathe left me , even the burning need to breathe (as when holding one's breath) was not there. I had multiple times where I felt myself loosing contact with reality, and as I was in this spiral, my breathing would stop. I felt myself going inward and would pass out. Then what would happen is the process would reverse itself, unspiraling, with all the events up until now, events that I couldn't remember, would play itself out.

As an example, I would make multiple attempts to go upstairs or sweep the floor, only to make it half way up and forget why I started in the first place, then this spiral would start again, causing me to try very hard to work out what was happening 'in the now' then leading me back downstairs, literally turning around in circles, slowly falling to the ground, lying on the cool floor, waiting for this to stop. Every time this would happen and I regained consciousness, I would see my house in a greater state of disarray. First it was items strewn around the floor, then marks as if I stepped in blood, then things torn off the walls, hands prints of vomit and blood, it was getting worse. I was saying to myself 'oh no, I'm ruining my house, S is going to kill me when she gets home', and 'what have I done?', 'how far am I going'. I kept on saying to myself 'Is this it? Is this all it is? You take too many mushrooms and you play this stupid game where you can't remember anything, then wake up only to have it happen again and again?' I was in this state for at least 2 hours from 1 to 3. During this I had frequent visions of myself leaving this spiral only to enter another one, as if I opened a door only to have it enter into the same room I just left, that sort of thing.

I also saw S standing over me, it seemed like she was trying to wake me up. I figured that I was actually at the end of my trip, me lying on the couch. It's hard to explain but I felt stuck at 2pm when it was actually 6pm. What I needed to do was play the tape forward, to this extent I was able to unwind the time spiral I was in, and could see the rest of my day panning out. I could see that the mushrooms wore off, I cleaned myself up and ate dinner, then S came home and I told her what happened. Then the spiral would take over again and this ingression would send me to an unconscious state. I really didn't know what time I was in. I felt that if I could only get a hold of the tail of this beast I would be able to control it somewhat. By now I was telling myself that 'this is just a drug, no one has ever died from this, just relax and it would all be over in a few hours.' This being said, I did have true feeling of panic, seeing my house being torn apart and not being able to control myself, feelings of dying. I had visions of me in a hospital bed with people standing over me with flashlights and notepads, shaking their heads at me, saying 'poor, poor R', talking about what a serious situation I was in. I thought that I was imagining such a scene that somehow the police and EMS were called and I was in my own little world turning around in circles while they were observing me, trying to figure out a treatment plan.

Now when I was lying on the floor and my consciousness returned to me and I was unwinding out of this time spiral, I could see my house put itself back together. The floor would clean itself up, I actually didn't tear my house apart, the walls were actually clean and I was not bleeding. I said 'oh thank god, o thank god I didn't ruin my life, I just took a drug and by the time this wears off everything will be back to normal.' I was a great feeling of relief. I would say to myself 'no wonder people feel better after taking mushrooms, they tear your life apart and put it back together in 4 hours.' I did feel turned inside out and was presented with a vision of my life out of control and damaged beyond repair. It felt like brain soup, literally.

These are some of the things I expirenced:
Increased giggling and laughing. Uncontrollable. Feelings of something inside me I couldn't contain or 'keep a lid on'.
Philosophical or deep thinking.
Time perception alteration. Being stuck in time and time flowing forwards and backwards.
Dilated pupils and increased body temperature, anxiety, paranoia. Sweating.
Closed and open eye visuals, with all of the rainbow colours and the sliding and melting of everything in my field of vision. Became disorientating. Confusing. 'Where am I? What am I doing now?'
Stuck in a thought loop.
Stuck in a time loop.
No headache, no dizziness, mild nausea, sweating profusely. Tachycardia.

I wasn't able to speak properly as if I forgot how to form sentences. Would end up saying things that didn't make sense, or just say things like 'zip', 'gggyaaa'; just making sounds really. Glossolalia.

Working memory disruption (which affected everything else), couldn't complete tasks like sweeping the floor. Not able to remember anything for about 3 seconds, then 2 seconds, then 1, then half a second, and so forth till I was experiencing very small amounts of time on larger scales.

Near death experience. Not breathing, felt myself 'come back' multiple times, the start of the time spiral reversing. Feelings of 'here we go again'.

Talking to entities that are not there, talking to myself, S. I was telling her I was sorry and is never do this again, and how stupid I was for doing this.

At about 4 pm I awoke on the floor of the basement for the last time. I went upstairs and was lucid enough to assess that I did not do the things that I thought I did in the trip, namely my house and mental state being back to normal. Realizing that I was finally 'out/back' gave me great relief. I felt amazing afterward with no residue effects other than the feeling of joy to be back from what seemed like a very challenging trip. I don't describe this as a bad trip even though it had periods of fear, panic and anxiety. I liken it to facing my fears, like going on a roller coaster, something I don't like to do. But afterwards you do feel better that you got past it, that you went on the ride.

I do feel better for going on this trip even though it was overwhelming throughout. These things were not real, they just felt real. I don't think I'll do this much again. Mushroom are very powerful. Have some respect.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104535
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Jun 30, 2020	Views: 608
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Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)