Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: cargreen1. "Maybe I Shouldnt Have Redosed: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp104840)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2019. erowid.org/exp/104840
I'm writing this over 5 years after the trip occurred, but I still remember most of it as if it was yesterday. It's by far the most intense experience with mushrooms I've ever had.
The setting was an outdoor music festival. It's divided into two areas, the festival area itself where the stages were, and the campground. I had been to the festival before but never camped, and this year was the first time I would camp. I was extremely excited for it, as the campground was an experience on its own, a 5 day party with thousands of people, drugs, crazy art, and drums. So many drums at night. There was a large group of us all camping together. Many of them were good friends of mine through work. Others were friends of friends that I had not met before the festival.
It was less than a year ago from this point that I had tried shrooms for the first time, and I instantly fell in love. Between then and the festival I had tripped 7 times, the smallest dose only being about 1 gram, and the largest being 4 grams. I was particularly excited for this trip as I knew the festival would be a great location to do it, and had decided on a dosage of 3.5 grams. The plan was to eat the shrooms after dinner, hang out in the campground for a while, and then head to the festival for the music. There were maybe 8 of us that planned to drop them, but because everyone was eating something different for dinner, not everyone ended up dropping the shrooms at the same time. I was among the first to drop them, and I sat around the campsite waiting for everyone else to cook their dinner and eat it while I was coming up.
Two of the people we were with, A and his girlfriend E, were particularly slow to eat their dinner. Their plan was to cook two giant steaks for dinner, but I had already eaten shrooms by the time they even started cooking. It was in around the time that they threw their steaks on to their barbeque that I first noticed the effects. I noticed that the raw meat really grossed me out. It was then that all the familiar signs began, a feeling of giddiness, nausea, and excitement, all at the same time. The nausea that is sometimes experienced during come-up never really bothered me that much, usually because I was so excited for what was to come. This time was no different, and more than anything I could feel the excitement pouring over me as I got higher and higher. I started to notice everything around me looked really beautiful. The tents, the trees, the grass, the sky, the people around me. Except for one thing; A and E's steaks, which were now cooked. They looked even worse now than they did going on to the barbeque. If there is one word I would use to describe the look of the steak, it would be... dead. Everything else around me felt so full of life, but in the middle of all of that was this dead hunk of meat sitting on a plate, with blood oozing out of it.
'How could you put something so revolting into your mouth?' I had asked them, though they told me it tasted great. A and E were two friends of friends I had not met before the festival. A had a rockstar look to him, and in my mind he reminded me exactly of Jim Morrison. The thought of a dead man eating a dead steak really started to trip me out.
I decided to distract myself by talking to my friends, K, G, and G's girlfriend L. Pretty much every time I had tripped K and G were also there, and it was always a good time. Even the one time I had a bad trip, there wasn't anyone else who I would rather trip with. They were feeling the effects too by now, and we talked about all sorts of things, laughing our asses off half the time. Our campsite was right near the edge of the campground. The boundary of the campground consisted of a chain-link fence, and on the other side of the fence was a wide open field where the sun was due to set. K and I went over to the fence, and noticed that a security guard on the outside of the fence was talking to people on the inside.
'I think they're getting kicked out!' K remarked.
Really? Why would that happen? How could that happen? I couldn't tell. I looked at them for what felt like a good long time, and came to the conclusion that they were simply in conversation. I should note that the 'security guards' at this festival are just volunteers, who for the most part, don't really give a fuck about what you do. Their main priority was to stop people from sneaking into the campground, since it sells out every year. As long as you have a wristband (proving you bought a ticket) and don't set off any fireworks, they didn't care what you did. I reassured K that no one was getting kicked out, that they were simply in conversation and probably knew each other. He seemed troubled at first, but eventually agreed and we went back to our campsite to see what everyone else was up to.
A and E finished their steak, and were getting ready to eat their shrooms. At that point I had a sudden realization: I wasn't at the level I wanted to be. I felt like if anything, I was starting to sober up. I looked at my watch: it had been around an hour since I dropped the shrooms. How could I be sobering up? That didn't make any sense. Maybe the shrooms I got were a weak batch? I don't know. All I knew was that I was looking forward to this trip for months now, and I didn't want it to be a disappointment. I announced that I wasn't feeling the shrooms that much, and that I might redose. My friends seemed unsure if redosing was a good idea, and suggested that maybe I should wait it out.
My friends seemed unsure if redosing was a good idea, and suggested that maybe I should wait it out.
So I did. I waited about 15 minutes, and I did not feel like the shrooms were getting any stronger. By that point my mind was made up, it was time to redose!
Looking back on this, I was definitely not sobering up. I don't know how I convinced myself that I was, but there was no way that I was. I find I usually peak around the 2 hour mark, and I was only 75 minutes in. I didn't want to waste any time though, and figured the sooner I redose, the better. I went into my tent and weighed out another 3g of shrooms, and ate them.
I rejoined everyone else sitting around the campsite. I sat in this folding camp chair I had brought, and I could feel myself sinking into the chair. Oh man, NOW I could feel the shrooms coming. Was redosing a mistake? Who knew. I decided to just roll with it and before long, I forgot that I had even redosed. At one point, I went with the group back to the edge of the campsite to look at the field on the other side. Oh my god, when I looked at that field, I felt as if it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was still full daylight, but the sun was low enough that it caused the tall grass in the field to glimmer in the most beautiful way imaginable. The colours were unlike any I had ever seen before, it was perfect.
'If god could paint, he would paint this field.' I remarked. E, who was definitely feeling the shrooms by now, agreed. She seemed taken aback by the beauty of the field just as much as I did. I'm not a religious man, but in that moment I thought that only a being as powerful as a god could create something so beautiful.
'Let's go to the festival soon!' I said, but was reminded that there were other people in our group, some tripping and some not, who were not ready to go to the festival just yet. So I went back and sat in my camp chair to absorb everything that was happening.
A put on some music through little speakers he had brought. He put on 'Carry On' by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. It was by far the most beautiful song I had ever heard. Part of the lyrics are 'Carry on, love is coming, love is coming to us all' and I realized that yes, love IS coming! And what a euphoric feeling that was. I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into the chair. Before long I had no idea how to get out of the chair, if getting out of the chair was possible, or if reality even existed outside of the chair.
Some guy I didn't know came into our campsite at one point, asking if anyone had weed that he could buy. I told him I did and that I could sell him some, but that I didn't know where the weed was. I guess one of my friends did know where it was, or I told them where to look, I don't remember. But my big bag of weed appeared and was now in my hands. It felt absolutely weightless. What is this green stuff in this bag? I forgot. But this strange man wanted some of it, so I gave him a little bit. He gave me this weird looking piece of paper with numbers on it in exchange. I had no idea what it was or what I was supposed to do with it, but my pocket seemed to be a good place to put it.
It was around this point that I noticed that my stomach began to really hurt. I sometimes get gastrointestinal discomfort when on shrooms, but normally it's minor and I'm so distracted tripping that it isn't an issue. I usually don't even notice it until after I've peaked and I'm on my way down. This time it wasn't minor, it hurt! On top of that, my perception of reality began to slip at this point. Where was I? Who are these people around me?
'I'm soooo fucked up' I suddenly announced. I can't remember how my friends responded to this announcement, or if they even responded at all. Before long one of my friends, I'm not sure who, had an announcement of their own to make.
'It's time to go to the festival!' the mystery friend said.
'Actually I'm pretty tired, I'm going to go to bed.' I replied.
Silence. Everyone seemed pretty stunned by what I said. It couldn't have been much past 8:30 pm, saying I was going to sleep made no sense to anyone. However senseless it may have seemed, there was nothing I could do. The mushrooms had made up my mind for me, it was time to go lie down in my tent. I did not consciously decide this, it just had to be done. I somehow managed to leave the chair that had been my reality for the past eternity, and made my way into the tent.
Shortly after lying down, I felt something grab onto my leg and pull me out of the tent. What was happening? Suddenly I heard my name being called. I looked over, and I could see K, A, and E standing maybe 20 feet away. They were waving at me. What? Why? What did that hand motion mean? None of it made any sense. They seemed like they were a world away, how could I even travel that kind of distance? I was reminded of the pain in my stomach, and returned to the tent.
It's at this point that things get really fuzzy. I don't really know what happened next, or the order in which they happened. The sun must have been setting around this time, as it seemed to be dark in the tent. I must have peaked, as it was at this time that my mind finally left my body behind. I took off on an epic journey into the cosmos, through the very fabric of the spacetime continuum. Both time and space ceased to exist, I did not have a name or any kind of identity, and the question of 'why' no longer mattered. Everything just was. I don't remember what 'it' was exactly, but it was unlike anything I had ever experienced.
While I wasn't consciously aware of it, I could still hear the campground around me. It had grown dark, and when that happens, the drums come out. Drums, drums, and more drums. It vibrated the very fabric of the universe. At one point I heard a sharp whistling noise, followed by a flash of light and a loud BANG: a bomb must have exploded over the campground. I could hear everyone's screams of anguish, followed by frantic footsteps as people tried to flee. But what could I do? There was no way out of the reality I was experiencing. I forgot about the whole thing and continued on my journey through the cosmos to the beat of the drums.
Where it led me next, I have no idea. It felt as if a million experiences had passed over me, each one more significant than the last. A few lifetimes later, I could hear G and L talking in their tent beside mine. This seemed to snap me out of it momentarily. Had they returned from the festival? Did they even go to the festival? Were they even really there? There was no way of knowing, or communicating with them. They were in another dimension, a very separate dimension from the one I was in. The sounds that my mouth emits are not capable of travelling through dimensions I thought, so trying to talk to them would be a pointless endeavor. Who knew if that dimension even really existed?
The journey went on. I lost touch with my surroundings once again. Time and space lost meaning once more, until sometime later when I could hear people outside my tent.
'It's disgusting out here!' They remarked.
What was so disgusting about it? At the time I was really into the show Dexter, and my mind came to an important realization. I was Dexter! How could I have forgot? How did I never realize that I was a serial killer? I must have killed someone and left the body parts lying around outside. How could I have been so careless? I was for sure going to be caught now. But what could I do? The realm outside of my tent was still another dimension I was incapable of entering. I would have to wait it out before I could clean up my mess.
Another lifetime passed before I finally felt myself starting to come down. What was happening? Suddenly I came to perhaps one of the most mind blowing realizations I've ever had in my life: I was on mushrooms. I could feel my jaw drop. Everything that had just happened was due to a drug, a drug which I completely forgot I had consumed. I could feel my mind re-entering my body, and I realized that I must have eaten a lot of mushrooms for this to have happened. How much did I eat? I remembered my initial dose was 3.5 grams. Then I thought to the time I redosed. Another 3 grams. I struggled to do the math, but eventually I figured it out. I had consumed 6.5 grams in total. What the fuck was I thinking? That is A LOT of mushrooms, far more than what I had ever done before. There is NO WAY I could have been sobering up back when I thought I was, redosing with 3 grams is not a decision I'd make sober. I was reminded of the pain in my stomach. Oh man, it hurt. I wanted to get up, but it hurt too much.
I was reminded of the pain in my stomach. Oh man, it hurt. I wanted to get up, but it hurt too much.
I thought I would wait it out by trying to remember what just happened. Even by this point I had forgot what the peak of the trip was like, the memory was lost forever. It was like waking up when you know you had a dream, but you can't remember what it was. Was I even awake for it? Was it actually just a dream? Did I fall asleep? There was no way of knowing for sure, but after thinking about it, it seemed highly unlikely that I was sleeping. I was just tripping so hard that I experienced complete ego death. I thought back to some other events that happened. What about that bomb that went off? It began to make sense now. Someone must have set off fireworks. Despite it being banned in the campground, people usually manage to set off a few anyway. What I thought were screams were just people cheering, and the footsteps I heard must have been security guards running around to find the person who set them off.
I thought about how someone had remarked it was disgusting outside. By this point I realized that I was obviously not Dexter, nor a serial killer. So why was it disgusting outside of my tent? Had I been tripping so hard that I trashed the campsite and didn't remember? This seemed like a very real possibility. The pain in my stomach was starting to diminish so I decided to get out of the tent and take a look around. It was night by this point, and there were only a few people at our campsite. I did not know them well, they were friends of friends who were camping with us. My friends must have still been at the festival. Looking around, I could see why people thought it was disgusting, our campsite was indeed a mess. Much to my relief, it wasn't a mess I created. There were beer cans, empty bottles, and solo cups everywhere. Food was left out on the table, dirty dishes everywhere. Some of the other people at our campsite must have gotten drunk and forgot to clean up after themselves.
I returned to my camp chair, fondly remembering that only a short time ago that this had been my entire existence. I talked to the few people at the campsite and told them how I unknowingly ate 6.5 grams of shrooms and had an unbelievable experience. They thought this was rather funny. G and L emerged from their tent, and I asked them what happened during their trip. They had tried to walk to the festival but never made it, and eventually returned to their tent. It wasn't just a figment of my imagination when I heard them talking earlier.
Eventually everyone else returned back from the festival, and they asked what the hell had happened to me earlier. I told them how I ended up eating 6.5 grams in total, and there was no way I could have ever made it to the festival with that kind of dose. They had an amazing trip on their own at the festival, which I was glad to hear. Though I was also somewhat sad that I missed out on it, especially because I had missed a band that I really wanted to hear.
I had wanted this trip to be really good, something special. What I actually got was something completely and totally different from what I ever could have imagined beforehand, yet no less special. It was an incredible experience, and thinking back on it I do not regret it. That said, I have no desire to ever repeat that kind of dose again. It's scary thinking back at just how little control I had over my thoughts and actions. Thankfully I didn't end up doing anything stupid or make an ass of myself, but that could have been a real possibility. Especially if I somehow made it to the festival before I peaked. Not to mention the pain in my stomach. That alone was enough of a reason to never do that kind of dosage again. I've done shrooms plenty of times since this experience, but nothing has ever, or hopefully ever will, match the intensity of what I experienced that night.
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