DOSE:

5.0 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

90 kg

First of all I would like to say something about myself to give you a better understanding of how important this whole thing was and what it did for me, or more how it changed me. I was born in Germany and lived there my whole life until the age of 23. I joined the police acedemy with 16, served my time in several departments, including a short trip into the world of Special Forces and after all I can say I was a proud cop and my family was proud of me as well. My friends were mostly not cops at that time and long time pals I grew up with in my small home town close to the Holland border. I always disliked people who take drugs and the only experience I had was a couple of joints with friends. Just to mention I was never high on duty and only did it occasionally when I had a day off afterwards. Somehow I got a copy of a book about magic mushrooms from my good friend and I read it with great interest. The experience from the people in the articles sounded really good, but I felt uncomfortable with the idea of taking a real drug, but still I wanted to experience it myself after I heard amazing stories from my friends.

So I went to a bookshop and purchased a scientific report about those mushrooms to get some informations about dangers like side effects, addictions etc. It all sounded to good to be true and it seemed like there was no danger at all except that you had to be a stable mental character not to freak out from the experiences. So about a week later we drove over the Holland border and bought some Hawaiian mushrooms (Str. Cubensis) from a local store. Back in our home we were sitting in front of those dried strange looking mushrooms and unsecure feelings once again rose up inside of me. I had to ring the drug help hotline and asked the lady about any dangers for our planned trip. She laughed and said due to her job she can’t recommend taking them, but she can assure me that it will leave no harm for my body afterwards. That made me more confident and comfortable and my two best friends and me started eating them. We had one bag each, which was 5 grams of dried mushrooms each. We chewed on them for long time before swallowing like recommended and the taste was quite bitter, but not that bad as they looked.

We took them on empty stomach, like the shopkeeper recommended it, so the mushrooms were our only lunch that day. We were well prepared with soft drinks and sweets and the mood was really good. We chatted a lot like always about many things and we kept asking each other if strange feelings already start to appear. Well, nothing happened and after about 25 mins chatting along I could sense that the talking became a little more intense. My friends recognised it as well and after 5 more minutes we all laughed a lot while talking to each other. My friend offered me some pineapple juice and the taste was so intense and just so good that I thought I never had anything better, even thou I don’t like pineapple juice that much. It was about to get dark in 2 hours so the sun went slowly down our top floor appartment ceiling windows. I recongnised a light red color touch in my view, it was now about 40 min after we took it and I thought, ok, that’s it, that’s the trip. But no, that was just the very start of the beginning.

After a few more minutes I actually could see the light coming through the window in the apartment and it looked like light sent through a prism. All colors of the rainbow where shining inside the room and I watched fascinated how my hand touched the different colors of light. My friends saw it too and I had to get up and walk to the window to check it out. Well, when I stood up it was like looking down a long way to my feet. When I walked to the window I experienced walking like astronauts must have experienced it on the moon. I was excited about the strange moonwalk and my friends followed me. So all three of us where walking through the appartment laughing and amazed about the feeling. It must haved looked hell stupid but it was great fun just to walk around. After a while we were back at the couches and in for another drink.

Then it just happened. It was like I somehow got connected with the other half of my brain, or like Albert said, got access to the other 90%. It was an amazing feeling of joy and freedom of thinking. There was also a feeling of power to be able to have that absolute clear thinking without any disturbances. We started talking like philosophers and strange and abstract as it was it all made sense to us. Just to prove that its not just an imagination, my friend took out a calculator and we started asking math questions. The results were amazing, our ability to calculate was far beyond the normal standards. So it was true, the mind was never that clear like on that day. After a few more minutes happiness came all over us and we started expressing to each other how much we like each other and we ended up hugging each other, which we never did before. I had the feeling to invite everybody I know, just to have them around. I even wanted to call the drug hotline again and thank the lady and invite her over.

Then it was like time didn’t exist anymore. Important was only existing itself and the absolute happiness to exist. The more people exist around us the better. In that state 1 Million years could have passed and it would have been all happiness together and all other things were without meaning. When we sat down I looked at my friend and saw heaps of arteries under the skin of his face and with every heart beat it all flowed pumping through his face. The nose, the lips, the eyes, everything was alive. I knew it must be a hallucination, but I couldn’t help staring at it for its beauty and mysteriousness. I wondered how the mind could make it look that real and was fascinated about my brains ability to project these graphics I haven’t seen in any silicon valley movie that realistic. The trip went on and the influence got stronger and stronger. It was still comfortable but not in control anymore. We were all sitting looking at each other and nobody said a word.

I could see projection of our heads floating above our bodies and we communicated without saying anything. It was like our brains were communicating themselves and somehow we all got what the other meant just by looking at each other. It was wonderful and felt like we really communicated for the first time. It said so much more than words and was like a universal language without the need to talk. The ride took me through a rollercoaster of stars and planets and everything was alive. The universe was peaceful and calm, but I could feel the harmony and love in existence so strong that tears of joy rolled down my face and I felt one with everything. I haven’t cried in years and I thought it never felt that good. It felt like I was home, we were all home, back from our human trip. Then it came that I sat back in the couch deeply thinking about myself. My mind was never more clear before, it felt like the first time I used it. Then a very scary thing happened. I realised I couldn’t move anymore, not a wink with an eye. I was totally disconnected from my body but could still see through me eyes outside my body.

I started to panic a little, because I feared I could be stuck in that state and never tell anybody that I’m still inside there, while others would look at me like a piece of dead meat. I said to myself that it will be just a period and calmed slowly down. Memories from many years ago came back into my mind starting from looking at my dad, while a priest was holding me on his arms and baptising me. I don’t know how long it took but after a while I could feel how I was floating back into my body and regained control piece for piece. I looked down at me and was so unbelievebly thankful for having this body. I looked with sensation when I started moving my hands and fingers just because I thought about it and I wanted them to move. I had no idea how my body worked and kept itself alive, but it was a great experience and again I was so thankful for being in there.

We started talking again and I wanted to express to the others that nothing else mattered than just us right here right now. So I planned to smash a glass shelf with my mug just to show them it doesn’t matter. My friend didn’t like the idea and he believed it without myself smashing it. A stage of confusion followed and for a while I was misplaced in the round unable to follow the conversation. I tried to eat a Mars bar, but there was no taste, so I threw it away. A big feeling of guilt came on and I wandered around to be by myself. It was like, so you are here now, look at your life, look who you are, what you did. Does it make sense? I was ashamed of many things I now considered looking at it for the first time in absolute neutrality without any influences from society or myself. I realised so many things I can’t remember them all. Now without the mask, just me, the world without the mask, it was like looking the first time behind a mirror. My whole world how I saw it, whatever I learned in all these years broke down in these few hours.

It was so much to realise I had to lie down and just let my thoughts flow. I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted. It was too much, I wanted to get off this trip and start making a change. Maybe one more hour later we gathered together again and everybody was comin down again. It was just the mellow feeling and the hypersenses that were so comfortable to have while we were coming off the trip. My friend got up and surfed a little through the web. Pictures from pacific islands came up and I remember I was so fascinated by their beauty and unspoiled culture. On that night I made a promise to myself and my friends. I told them, now I realised what really counts. You have only this life, so make the best out of it. Don’t be bound to rules and regulations of others. Well, we gotta have them because there are some mean and sick people out there. So at least I don’t want to be around those people and regulations anymore. Life with island people in harmony with nature, that sounded like a world where I wanted to be.

Did I say that? That was unbelievable for me, for my old me, the conservative, strict cop for who everything has to be in place and order. The other day was off, but the following day I was back on duty. I was totally back in my normal life, but the things I realised were still clear in my mind and in absolute mismatch with my surroundings. I couldn’t stop thinking about the islands but of course I couldn’t tell anyone of my fellow workers about it. I looked at my fellow workers and saw them for the first time for what they really were and what I was. I looked to them not as one of them, I didn’t belong there anymore, I didn’t think like them anymore. I felt sorry when I listened to their conversations about our job, which was what the conversations are mostly about. The hidden racism, the adventures from the road to glorify what we were doing and yes we all thought we were special in a way. Risking your own life for something you believe in, not for the poor salary. I saw most of them as poor characters, not stupid, but somehow bound to that little amount of power they have, to live, celebrate and sometimes abuse that power, just to be somebody.

And I know from experience how easy it is to get rid of frustrations just by making somebody else's day and to have that feeling of being nearly untouchable on the road, a person of respect. To keep that status you accept nearly everything that comes from above. They might complain again and again what a shitty job that is, but they will never give up that little amount of power of which many of them are addicted to. That thinking of beeing one of the good ones, a protector of society, somebody who knows whats going on, gives some the feeling to be one of the few, the chosen ones, the law. A thing you realise as a cop is, you will not make a change, you will not make the others better people and whatever else was on your mind when you entered. You are just keeping record of what happens, work statistics, preach the law, try to get to their minds, but eh, shit happens, every day, every moment. Most of it doesn’t get made public, so as not to disturb the dream of absolute safety so many people have.

I remember one really big thing that happened which was covered up. I was so upset about it that I confronted my chief about why this thing was not going public. I always thought people have a right to know what's going on. The answer was straight and simple, and afterwards I agreed with the simple fact of that answer. The public is not able to handle this information responsibly. And yes, he was right, there would have been consequences for sure. The poor truth is that some people are deciding that it’s better for all of us when we don’t know certain things that are happening amongst us. Most people are not ready for the truth.

Anyhow, I requested a one year unpaid holiday after this to get my mind off that police thing and finally find a life how I wanted it to be. I just wasn’t able anymore to be what they wanted me to be. All they could offer me was 4 month, so I announced that I would resign. The higher up guys asked me to stay and think over the whole thing, since a resignation always comes with an internal investigation about what made someone leave the force. One saying I always heard was, are you completely aware of the consequences of your actions. Do you know what you lose when you do that? Hell, what should I lose? That life? Of course I didn’t say that, but I told them I need some time for extensive travel plans. It sounded to them like I was out of my mind. The moment I handed over my badge and the chief asked me: are you absolutely sure? Don’t you feel heavy in your heart to give this away? No, I was now surer then ever before. That badge is not everything (even it was at that stage of my life) and with the moment I handed it over it was like a curse was taken off me. I was free now. The department gave me two years to come back without questions.

I never came back and it was one of the wisest decisions I ever made. I sold everything I owned, my furnitures, car, bike, everything except the clothes I was goin to take. And a few weeks after that I left Germany, sure not to be back for a long time. What I encountered then was more then I ever expected. I travelled for a year around the globe and finally settled down in the south pacific, exactly on that island I saw on the Internet the night I took the mushrooms. I knew I was going to be here one day and finally it came true. I had a damn good time on this island and learned a lot about their culture which became a part of me too the longer I stayed and the more I got involved. Even it’s all big bullshit too, it works for them fine and I was happy to be part of them. The islanders take mushrooms too and I did it in periods of every 12 month. What an experience to be on mushrooms while being in my new family on the island, being where I wanted to be after my first trip. I thought about my ex fellow cops and what they were doing at the moment. It didn’t seem real to me anymore, but living on an island didn’t seem real to me too while I was still on patrol.

After 3 years living with the natives I felt that I am still too much european and there are too many things I want to do which I can’t do on an island. So I said farewell to my village people and went on, back into civilisation and I found out I’m not one of them anymore. Still I have to behave like one of them to survive in that society. I had to make money to get all these things I wanted to have. Pay the price to pick the fruits of civilisation. When I look at my life today, what strange turns it took and what it brought for me I can only be thankful. Thankful to my parents, my friends and I can’t say thanks enough, dear mushrooms. Without them I would still be riding the patrol car, be in that narrow thinking, would never know how it really is out there. Thank you mushrooms, you opened my eyes, you showed me the meaning of my life, the values, the complexity. The mushrooms were the initiators , the gateway to my new life, where I finally could be myself, learn to be myself, not what others expected from me or wanted me to be.

After all these experiences I made on my travels, I still consider my first mushroom trip as the most impressing and wonderful experience I ever had in my life and the one thing that had most influence on my life. It changed everything forever. If I can give one piece of advice to somebody who plans to get out of society as well, it would be: do it. Make your experience. But know that paradise is not a place that can be found, it is in your head with the people you are with. When you find that place in your soul, it doesn’t matter where you are. To my island people, I will be back one day. When my hunger of the fast life is satisfied, I will return. May peace and happiness be with all of you,
A free man

Exp Year: 1998	ExpID: 10526
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Sep 13, 2004	Views: 1,236
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Police / Customs (60), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)