Citation: ados. "Turned Out to Be Surprisingly Positive: An Experience with Mushrooms & Chocolate (exp105701)". Erowid.org. Nov 21, 2019. erowid.org/exp/105701
My First Trip
This is my 'first' trip report. I consider this my first real trip because past attempts resulted in in a completely mild and diminished experience due to being on a SSRI. Its been almost a year since I've last been on any psychiatric medications, so I'm actually capable of tripping now. The trip took place the night before writing this on March 3rd of 2015. The method used were psilocybin mushroom chocolates; its a popular method that is easy to find on the internet. I decided to eat a larger square chocolate and a smaller chocolate heart. The square chocolate piece had 2.5 grams of dried psilocybin mushroom powder, and the smaller heart piece had 1.33 grams, so I consumed about 3.83 grams total.
I was in a pretty bad state of mind, and it probably wasn't a very good idea to try tripping when I did, but I feel like I'm running out of time, and the thought of having a 'bad' trip isn't unappealing to me; I just want to learn. I had been hospitalized for the past five days for chemotherapy
I had been hospitalized for the past five days for chemotherapy
, and had been discharged from the hospital earlier in the day. I was (still am) in mild opiate withdrawal, and the last shot of dilaudid I had was about 14 hours prior to ingesting the mushrooms. Despite all of these negative factors, the trip turned out to be surprisingly positive.
I was staying at my parents' house while I was recovering, and had a bedroom to myself. I ate both chocolate pieces with about 3.83 grams at about 10:00 PM, with my last meal being 6-7 hours prior. I was surprised by how subtle the shroom powder was in the chocolate; if I didn't know what it contained I wouldn't of noticed any difference. I was anxious while waiting for it to take effect. Less than 24 hours ago I was being blasted with large doses of chemotherapy (fludarabine and cytarabine if you're interested). I kept thinking what a terrible idea it was to ingest mushrooms while recovering from chemo. I decided to juggle to take my mind off the anxious thoughts, and it worked very well. I juggled 4 balls for a bit until I started feeling effects. It was probably 10:40ish PM when it began coming on, I turned off the lights and put on The Dark Side of the Moon. I laid in bed in complete darkness listening to the music.
As the music played, the darkness began grabbing at me. A few times I would feel overwhelmed and turn on a dim lamp. When turning on the lamp, I can see the walls moving. The wall was sort of moving in and out of itself, kind of spinning to a degree, but not a full spin. I turned the lamp off to get back down to business. The pillow I was resting my head on began pulsating with a light bluish greenish cyan color, and the room was doing a combination of twirling and pulsating with a very small amount of orange coloring. I felt that there was a protective glass sphere put over my body, and then the fungi doctors came in. Maybe this was a lesser version of Terence Mckenna's experiences with machine elves. Thousands of little tiny greenish-blue fungi doctors were grabbing and examining my body. It had the vibe of a medical procedure, and it was like they were admitting me into the universe. This went on for a bit until the Dark Side of the Moon album came to an end. My tablet pc created a source of light when the track came to an end, and I got up to mess with the device. With the room being completely dark other than the tablet pc, I felt like an alien controlling a space ship. It was somewhat difficult to make out the english language at first. I decided I wanted to play another Pink Floyd album since I was having a good experience so far with the other. I found Wish You Were Here and made it ready to play. I had to take care of some business in the bathroom before playing it.
When I came out of the room, the hallway was very long and cartoonish. When I reached the bathroom, I was annoyed by the bright coloring. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like an extraterrestrial alien in a science fiction setting. My pupils were nearly as large as they can be. I began urinating and the medical procedure vibe returned along with a fewer number of the fungi doctors again. I felt like I was giving a urine sample for them. I finished my piss without any troubles and returned to my dark room. I had the tablet pc ready to play Wish You Were Here, but I felt like this tablet pc was acting as a centralized authority figure on my experience, and this annoyed me, so I decided to not play the album and turn the screen off; that way I can just lay in silent darkness. The pillow began pulsating with a similar cyan color as it was before, but a little less bright. The fungi doctors returned again, in lesser numbers, but instead of just probing me this time, they were actually working on me. I kept seeing splashes of green and blue lines/trails mingling with each other, and it was like the fungi doctors were putting together and fixing neurons in my brain. I completely lost my sense of direction in the bedroom; I couldn't really tell if I was upside down or not. This went on for awhile, but I had a difficult time calculating or comprehending the concept of time. During this time I also thought a lot about people. I felt an eternal platonic loving bond with my family, the many healthcare workers I've encountered in the past two years, and especially with the extraordinary person that made this trip possible. I did not think about death like I was hoping to; the concept of life and death just seemed completely irrelevant.
I did not think about death like I was hoping to; the concept of life and death just seemed completely irrelevant.
The trip had a very feminine and maternal mystique overall, but I felt like I was a strong patriarchal male figure interacting with this feminine aura, and we were the perfect combination.
I eventually found direction in my bedroom again when a car drove by and the lights came in the room. I got up to look out the window, and the street lights looked beautiful in the fog. I felt the trip winding down, and decided to see what was on television. The time was 2:30 AM, the channel was already set to HBO, and with perfect timing, it was the very start of a VICE special report about new methods of combating cancer with a hint that western medicine was on the verge of an actual cure. It was absolutely the most perfect thing imaginable that could of been on TV at the time for my situation. The short documentary was extremely uplifting and actually brought me to tears of joy a few times. I was still tripping decently, the faces on tv were odd/bizarre and vivid colors danced around the people. After the great documentary, I left the room to urinate again. The walls were still moving, twirling, and pulsating. I heated a meal after urinating, and sat down to watch some trash television; thankfully it was reruns of South Park. I found it very amusing and had bursts of laughter a few times. I felt like a goofy cajun king while I ate fried crawfish and laughed at the entertainment. After a few more episodes of South Park, I definitely was coming down, and decided to lay in bed until I fell asleep. It took awhile to fall asleep, but eventually happened at around 6:00 AM.
I was fairly surprised that I had such a positive experience. I had all the makings of a terrible trip, and it didn't happen. I was also expecting to vomit violently once the psilocybin hit my stomach due to chemotherapy still being rampant in my body, because even caffeine makes me vomit when I consume it with chemo in my system, but I did not come remotely close to feeling sick when the mushrooms took effect. The only thing I would of changed about the trip is I wish I spent more time in silent darkness, but overall this was absolutely the perfect 'first' trip I could of taken, and I'm definitely glowing from the experience as I'm writing this. I will probably be doing this again with a slightly larger dose in 8-10 days from now. A big thanks goes out to the very special wonderful person that helped me experience this.
Thank you for reading.
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